My dad passed away Monday. My routine for the past 4 years was a short visit to dad at least 5 days a week. Yesterday I took a mental health break and when I was driving home I glanced at the clock and thought I’m going to visit dad a bit late today. I realized then that I won’t have to do that anymore. How do I stop this thought process. I’m sure it’s part of the grieving process.
Whenever you miss him, it might help to remind yourself that he is likely surrounded by the relatives and friends that he knew, when he was young and healthy.
When my grandfather died, I was standing in front of his coffin and suddenly, but briefly, it seemed as if a window opened over the coffin and I saw images of my grandfather and grandmother in their 20s.
Inside the window they were running in a beautiful field chasing each other like children and when they each caught the other they would hug and kiss, and then the image disappeared.
I like to believe that image was glimpse into the afterworld that my grandfather gave me as a gift, rather than simply my imagination.
The fact that they looked young sort of clinched it for me, because I only saw one photograph of them in their youth and they were both well into their 50s, when I was born.
I always remember this window glimpse and it gives me comfort.
There were many times at the beginning I thought about ...Oh, I need to tell him about whatever it was that couldn't wait ... and immediately was so sad at not being able to do so in person. But I talked then to him off in Heaven and still do from time to time. It took a long time for that kind of remindful pain to ease off, but it started getting easier somewhere along the way.
You will make it, but let yourself grieve as you need to and in the time you need to do it. This too will pass... and keep a special place in your heart.
I did find other outlets but for many weeks I was ready to get into the car. As I read responses it seems to be normal and a lot of good response on how to move on in different ways. Good luck to you and sorry for the loss.
So drive past the nh home and say something like ... thats where you used to live but now we can spend more time together.
Aging ... i think that the candy canes are a great idea !
My dad died 23 years ago. I couldn't even go into that NH without bursting into tears for years.
Still, there are little things--questions I could have asked them about family and how to do things-- that will always come up, although less and less as we learn other coping mechanisms. That's why it takes time.
I always got my dad a big peppermint stick for Xmas. Now, when I see them in the store, instead of crying, I buy one. When I see an older gentleman alone, I ask him if he would like to have it in honor of my dad.
God bless you in your time of grief, and give you faith for your future.
You said so well how I fell at 8 months out. Time.... I hope so.
Thank you
Just an idea to work out living with your grief which never really goes away but the pain can soften with time and acknowledgment. Best to you...
My father's death in the last year was not peaceful. Perhaps that ties in with regrets. Whenever, I feel regret, I simply say out loud, "I love you Dad." and take a deep breath. Geez I miss him.......
I’m an activity director who recently took some time off. The best way to remember your dad is to volunteer to lead or sponsor an activity that your dad enjoyed it could be an ice cream social, rosary, gardening, horse shoes, corn hole. It could be a one time event or once a month.
Although I still have my mom she has been mentally withdrawn for years, but I often think of something - fleetingly - that I must ask her. Recently I made a decision that it wasn't benefiting either of us for me to hover over her at meal times but I find myself fidgeting and worrying at home when I don't go.... I think part of it is simply habit, no matter how we spend our days a recurring routine is hard to break away from. I know that when I no longer need to visit at all I will be completely adrift, even when I'm not physically with her I am spending time on sites like AgingCare.