My Dad has his first stroke 10years ago and was affected on the right side- brain damage and paralysis. After a 10year fight to get to a point of independent living in a sheltered housing complex he had a mother massive stroke on New Year's Day affecting his left side. This meant that on too of not being able to speak since the first stroke he was left not even being able to understand anything and permanently bed bound. We now have him back at home where he is peg fed with carers and nurses visiting 7 times a day. However since Wednesday he has been refusing for nurses or myself to give him his medication, feed or fluids and it's a fight for the carers to even change him so he spends time soiled while we convince him to let us help him.
I need to know how long he can survive like this???
Without his anti coagulants, his digoxin, fluid and feed being the top of the list.
I do not want him to die in hospital so I just want to have some idea of what to expect if he continues to refuse everything.
Any advise would be appreciated. Zoe
The palative care team are involved and visiting us tomorrow so I will just keep him comfortable and loved.
Your dad may be confused and scared and that's why he doesn't want anyone near him. You're a good daughter for hanging in there with him and trying to get him the best care you can.
My prayers are with you!
There has been so many times since this last stroke that he has refused care in some form or another, mostly while in hospital but a few times in the 6 weeks his been home, but now this is on the back of him having a stomach bug which left him constantly soiled in bed mixed with the awful and unforgivable situation of the wrong incontinent pads being given which has meant they haven't been strong enough to hold enough. This has probably left him feeling awful and now resorted to this all or nothing attitude which is totally understandable. If he wants to call it a day now I totally respect his wishes I just want him to be comfortable and not in pain or discomfort. On a selfish note, if I prepare for the end again emotionally and he decides and things change again, I don't know how many more times we can emotionally take this situation. I guess I just wants answers that I can get, but advise or ideas are always welcomed as I don't know anyone personally in a situation anywhere near similar to this.
Given that he's had two serious strokes and is taking anti-coagulants, if he refuses them then the likelihood of another stroke increses. If he doesn't take digoxin for his cardiac issues, it could be that the likelihood of a cardiac event will increase. Without food or fluid, he'll likely experience electrolyte imbalances and major organs will begin to shut down.
While I'm not one to lightly recommend hospice, it sounds as though your father has had enough and is ready to go. I don't mean to be blunt, just honest. It is his life and if he has nothing to live for, perhaps it's way of deciding that he doesn't want to live any longer. And that's something that I think a family must respect.
I hope this doesn't sound cruel; it's not meant to be, but rather to suggest that you can honor his wishes and do what he wants to make his passing easier. Respecting his decision and making him comfortable is the best thing you can do for him.
Kind thoughts go to you and your family during this stressful time.