I just moved my Dad into an independent living with assisted living option. I pay half the 2,400 monthly rent. My Dad is 93 and I am POA but he still has his checkbook & gives money he can't afford to my leeching brother. Can I take my Dad's checkbook ?
Your father is 93. Your brother is dependent on him. When your father passes away, which in all probability he will do long before your brother does, what do you expect to happen to this leeching person, as you describe him?
No more coddling, that's for sure. But then, what?
If your father has not already given this thought and made his wishes clear, encourage him to do so. It might be no bad thing, too, to establish communication now with your brother's support network for future reference. Your brother is currently free to refuse disability benefits but he soon enough won't be; and you'll find his situation less stressful if you're ready for it.
Even if your father was diagnosed with mild dementia or some cognitive impairment, the courts may still decide he is capable of giving money to his son, if he so wishes.
It is not easy to have someone declared mentally incompetent by a court and perhaps there is a good reason for that.
Lastly, if your brother has been officially diagnosed with Aspergers/autism, and he is refusing disability checks, perhaps it might be wise to talk to an attorney.
Perhaps it would be easier to have your brother declared incompetent and then he will be forced to accept disability.
Just handing over money every month is not a plan nor is it sustainable when you are paying half your dad's rent. You are helping to support your father and planning for the future is a reasonable expectation any POA should have. If you have enough money to pay half your dad's rent then you have enough money to hire an elder law or family law attorney to help you sort out this situation. Take your dad along with you for a consultation. If your father fails to comprehend things the lawyer is explaining, that's a red flag. And again, it's better to deal with such problems head on when arrangements still can be made.
If Dad can pay his own rent, the money you add for "other" will be more in your control. Activate the POA.
Have a talk with Dad about brother's future.
A person with aspergers is challenged in the area of finances. Throwing money at the problem will not work.