Hi,
I have only posted here once before, but I literally go on here every day because I find it such a comfort. My parents both fell ill at the same time and they were unable to move back to their house. I had asked and then begged them to move closer to me or sell their house and move to somewhere in their area more friendly to seniors, but my Dad refused to move.
After they fell ill it was suggested I move them into a nursing home from rehab, but I found them a place in assisted living (the place they are in can take people who should be in a nursing home). My mom ended up dying about 16 months ago. My Dad moved into another room in assisted living about a year ago to get a fresh start (he picked the room and made the decisions). Now lately he has been very insistent he wants to move back to the house. He is in a wheelchair and paralyzed on his left side and cannot walk anymore. He is incontinent and has a history of severe urinary tract infections. When he gets a cold or gets ill he gets very, very sick and more and more his throat gets impacted and he has to go on a special diet with ground up food (they do that for him there). They take great care of him and they really like him. He hasn't had a bad UTI in a long, long time and he was getting them constantly when he lived at home with my mom.
I feel for safety reasons he shouldn't move back home. I am worried about trying to juggle care takers and figure out medication and food and feel something catastrophic would happen. I come back and visit a lot, but even if I lived in the house with him I wouldn't be able to help much because he is like dead weight and he needs trained professionals because of all of his special health concerns.
He seems unable to process how precarious his health is and believes he is in better health than he is. He doesn't think he needs 24/7 health care.
Does anyone have any suggestions or tips for me? He's upset he isn't getting PT, but he was cut off from medicare PT because they say he is at his baseline. I then was able to get him PT to help him transfer from the bed to the wheelchair, but he reached his baseline on that as well.
To set your own mind at rest it might be worth doing this costings exercise and see what it comes to. Whether or not you share the calculations with him depends.
I think that what might work better for you is a routine of agreeing in principle, followed by "masterly inactivity." Theoretical or not, this is a major logistics project you're talking about and it shouldn't be too hard to string it out indefinitely until he comes to his own conclusion that it's impractical.
Did something trigger his renewed wish to move back home, though? He hasn't fallen out with another resident, or taken against one or more members of staff, anything like that?
No they actually love him there and he gets along with everyone. I think whenever he gets really stressed out he gets fixated on going home.
You are exactly in the same boat! :( It's really hard.
He knows, deep down inside, that it really ISN'T an option, unless he has advanced dementia, but is still exercising his right to fantasize, I guess. Hopefully you have POA so that you get to make the final decision.
Best of luck!!
Men especially are use to getting their own way, to be in control, the little woman just did what they said.
Think with your head, not your heart, do what is best for him. Good Luck!