I just joined this site. There is a lot of support and knowledge! I too have my 84 mom living with me she has been here for 9 years. Her decline has been gradual but lately seems more rapid. Recently had another mild stroke and is much weaker. Has vascular dementia. Juat stopped driving (voluntarily) 2 years ago. She is able to do a lot of things for herself though it takes forever!!!! If she has an appointment, I help her. I think she likes that because she really doesn't want to do much. Did lose most vision in her rt eye but 20/20 in the left. Has been 2 years and she still complains about it every chance she gets. Memory worse, i now do her pills, eye drops & dinner. She is not as clean as she used to be. Throws paper in any bag close to her and floor. Im constantly cleaning her bathroom & flushing her toilet. She is not interested in exercise, workbooks, going out (except to beauty shop & church every 2-3 weeks). She has a life alert and it took a couple of falls and a rehab stay for her to keep it on. . My siblings live 5-10 hrs away and she used to go there for 2-3 months per year, now she doesnt wànt to travel. I'm only 49 and have cut my hours down to 32 / week. She talks about wanting to die. Its been hard for me just watching her misery and I am angry. I get frustrated with her turtle speed and complaining about what she can't do. Has only vague symptoms.. Oh I just don't feel good. Period. Loves too sleep. I feel guilty because she has had a hard life. But was very active & energetic. Ahe has never shown love thru hugs & kisses. But will & has given me her last dime. Shes on lexapro and aricept,. It's very hard to watch. I pray for patience and understanding (sometimes out loud). I cry, she cries when I get upset. Thanks for all your posts, they are helpful!!!
You are so GREAT. You are doing the best you can and forgive yourself when you get angry or annoyed with Mom. Do you have children yet? The age your mom is now is just like a 15 year old teenager. She WANTS to be independent so bad. But she needs your help and really doesn't want to bother you. You are going to do just fine. Stay on this site! Ask questions! The biggest thing all us caregivers have to face is the lonliness and helplessness we feel when we are doing our best with our elderly parents and our best doesn't seem to be enough! Anyway........I will stop babbling and end with.....
She is sooooooooooooo lucky to have a wonderful, caring, sincere, helpful daughter like you.
Kathy
IMO, if your Mom is capable of doing things, but lazy or somewhat depressed, then you have a challenge of getting her to do as much as she can do for herself. Does she have friends who might call and take her to lunch? YOu can arrange to give them money secretly to pay for your Mom's lunch. Ask your siblings to share in the finances of having someone in the house to help with Mom. If you don't ask for help now, you won't get it later on when everything will be more demanding.
You're in the right place. It sounds like you have everything under control and have provided your mom with a loving home.
Age-related decline is to be expected, as you know. The more your mom declines the more work there is for you. I hope you take time off from being a caregiver. A few hours, a few days, whatever you need. Getting out of the house to go to work doesn't count.
I'm glad you posted and I hope you continue to come back and share your experiences.