I am a 54 yr old women and daughter of a 82 yr oldwomen. i am doing it all, when you are the only one doing care giving, it really does get very over whelming. and sometimes all the communication in the world does not work,when you have a very controlling mother at 54 years old you want to be respected and treated like an adult.i love my mother very much but will not allow her to control me any longer with her put downs and guilt trips. none of my siblings.have even asked if i need help with her. i guess they could care less! that my mother just longs to be needed and wanted by her children. i am very hurt by there uncaring selfish ways.yes my mother is controlling but she still is human and needs her other children to understand she misses them very much.in defense of my younger brother he does make a yearly trip to visit his mother.it's my older brother who has not made a trip out to see my in 6 years oh ya he did visit her for an over night trip but really didn't stay very long.i have a lot of anger towards my three older siblings.they need to step up and help with her care, but i will grow old waiting for them to do so.they are just to selfish to reach out to her.i do have a lot of anger in me,i do attend groups etc to help me deal with the stress.i just feel it's very unfair of my siblings to leave all the responsability to me.i do enjoy being with my mother but i have taken a few weeks away from her.to regroup my mother she is very independent most of her issue's deal with being lonely and missing human contact.i really do try to be there for her but we live 30 miles away from each other and i have no transportation.i have to depend on her to pick me up.am on Disability income and just can't afford a car.and there is no public transportation very Rural area in AZ.it's really very hard on me.
Someday, when your parent is gone, they will have large amounts of guilt for not calling or visiting more. I quit trying to make mine even make a phone call, I am not reminding them what they should be doing. I don't even remind the grandchildren anymore. I am personally over it and I have come to the conclusion that the only person I am responsible for is me. I do what I do believe I believe it is the right thing to do. I will have a life after my mom passes on or will be caring for my father-in-law. But I know that some nursing homes are not good places to be, so I would rather have my mom with me than abandoned in a nursing home.
So when I get to feeling angry and bitter, I remind myself that they have to live with the consequences of their decisions. Someday they will need or want someone to care for them, but it won't be me.
The hardest part for me is them not calling her, she would love to hear from them. But someday she won't be here for them to call and that is their burden and cross to bear. I do what I believe is best and I will start a new life after she passes. I have had lots of fun and life over the years, I will have and find another life afterwards.
So this is what I tell myself when I get to feeling angry and bitter.
I have re-read your post and it sounds like your mom is just lonely. If she is seeking someone to do things with you might want to consider those options.
My mom has some medical conditions and I have 3 siblings that do not do much for mom either. So my mom's challenges are a bit more involved.
If you want to share more, this is a great group of people to search for ideas and information from.
What are your mother's impairments? What kind of help does she require? I think you mention housecleaning in your profile. That is a fairly easy skill to locate and pay for. Why would you have to do that, given the transportation hassle of getting to your mother's house without a car.
What is your mother's financial situation? Does she own assets besides her home and car? What kind of monthly income does she have? Is it enough to pay her way?
Give us more information, please.