I have been caring for my dad for 7 years in my home. He had 2 strokes and was unable to live alone. over the years he has developed dementia. I needed respite care for him to take a much needed vacation. took him to nursing home, very next morning, was called to come and get him because of his disruptive behavior. He had never displayed this kind of behavior before. Finally found nursing home with a dementia unit,(wonderful place), he had behaviors there, combative and would not cooperate, the facility is trained for these types of behavior with dementia. I did get a short vacation thanks to them. upon bringing dad home his behaviors continued, unfortunately, I had to face the fact i was not able to continue care at home. My dad is 93 and i am 60 , we have always been close, and this was the hardest thing in my life to do. He is back in the same facility , doing ok so far, except when i go see him he gets upset, and says why am i here. The guilt of having to do this is tearing me up, how do i get through this? I put myself in his shoes , no family around, dont understand why im here, sharing a room with a stranger, missing the little dog. I cry everyday thinking about this situation. Please help.
Guilt is appropriate in a situation in which you've done something wrong. So, what did you do, objectively. You found dad the best care possible after 7 years of caring for him "by hand". It is a well established FACT that no one person can care for a dementia patient alone. You did it as long as was humanly possible (longer, probably ) and then you got him the best facility care possible. In my eyes you did nothing wrong. But I can't imagine this makes you feel less guilty.
How long has he been there? Not long , I'll wager. He needs some time to settle in. Can you bring the dog to visit? When he asks why you're there, he's really asking, not trying to guilt you. "I came to visit, Dad, because I love you". I hope this all works out as well as can be expected. Please take care of yourself.
It may take him a little more time to acclimatize to the change. And remember, with dementia there may come a time when even family become strangers and home is a place they can't ever seem to find no matter where they live.