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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Yes, my family and I are dealing with my Dad who is 76. He's been drinking heavily for most of his live and now has dementia. This is a heartbreaking and confusing situation. He's a mean drunk and my Mom has left him because he is so mean to her. However, he is so confused and doesn't understand why. He is living with my sister right now and she says he spends his entire day texting and calling my Mom and crying. We are all so heartbroken for him but also understand her decision to not want to live in fear. Help!!!
MinMouse 8, my heart goes out to you. Sadly, all too often dementia accentuates the more negative aspects of a personality -- as has been the case with my husband, 79. I must keep reminding myself what a good man he was before, and what a big heart he still has -- and I get outta the house whenever it gets particularly bad. One of the things that's helped me a lot in recent months is a wonderful article I read somewhere in AgingCare.com about validating the altered reality of dementia sufferers. Since they can't control how they relate to the world, we must find different ways to relate to them, and it ain't easy!!
Hi MinMouse8....sad story for your mom. I just have to say that I'm sooooo happy she got away from your dad. Not sure how long ago she left him...but of course even without having dementia...the grieving process and guilt feelings you dad must be feeling must be enormous! He will have to live thru those terrible feelings...and hopefully will adjust after a year or so. Maybe you can check with his doctor about antidepressants? gooooood luck!
Al Anon was very helpful to me when I was living with an alcoholic for 10 years. It saved my sanity and enable me to get on with my life - without him. A bible-based approach would not have worked for me as I am not a Christian, and find proselytizing offensive.
So - what works for some will not work for others. Try to find what works for you.
Lifeexperiences- Thanks. Life kind of stepped in. Last week mom ended up very sick and thought she had a stroke, allowing us to take her to the ER. Luckily (?) it wasn't that, but a GI bleed that wasn't serious, but her BA level was so high that they admitted her. 5 days later, she has detoxed...my kids and I had to be there 24/7 to help monitor her and keep her in bed. Very rough times. She had no nutrients in her system from never really eating. even with all of this, and after speaking with 3 doctors, several nurses, the social workers, etc. (and my having a complete breakdown and her threatening suicide if they didn't let her go home) The only thing we accomplished was to bring her back home, and have home health come in for a couple of weeks again. As soon as she got home, after all of this, she is furious that there is no alcohol in the house. But, we are sticking to not enabling her anymore, even though she hates us for it right now. Everyone tells me the same thing- it's a catch 22 in many situations like this, and sometimes we just have to step back and realize that no matter how much we care, we are not 'responsible' for them in many regards. I just wish there were clear answers! (I know- asking too much)
aroman1...you're mother is raging...and that too is very normal for alcoholics not getting a drink!! There is a looooong road ahead of you because it will seem like being a dry drunk, as they say, is as bad as being a drunk! It's an incredibly hard mental and physical withdrawal...and can easily last months...even up to a year. If you can get her moving around so that she gets some physical exercise...it will help her nerves. I'd even get her on some type of antidepressants for anxiety! If you can't get to an Alanon meeting...get a book on the subject...I'm sure you will get tremendous help from them! Also, call AA and see if they have a phone # you can call for Alanon issues. I do know one thing for sure...when you are talking with others that have been in your shoes...you will feel a lot better and know what to do to help your mom. Take care...keep in touch!!
Thank you so much, and yes, talking with others is a big help and I appreciate this website so much! the support and information has been a big help and it's such a (sad) relief that I'm not the only one in this boat. It has been a great comfort and I thank you all for the comments and suggestions
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So - what works for some will not work for others. Try to find what works for you.