How do you deal with a mother so mean and abusive?

I feel your pain. I think that sometimes you need to vent about how your treated. I finally just had to take my mother home. She was destroying myself and my children. ALTCS recently said my mother was ineligable for home care. Though the very next day she sprained her wrist and has no idea how. My sister is there with her, but not all the time. I am sure it would not get that bad for me. My thoughts and prayers so go out to you. Life can be so cruel. These are our parents and you just want to help, and we just have to watch them deminish. Sometimes there is nothing we can do.

Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.

Magicianne
Welcome aboard. You will get a lot of support and encouragement here- I am so sorry for what you are going through. Good luck in court- let us know how it goes.

I just found this site. I've been taking care of my Dad (multiple-strokes) for almost a year. He still lives at home with my Mom who has always been a manipulative, narcisstic person (forget the nurturing mother of Hallmark here). She has fought me every step of the way in trying to take care of Dad, so I finally had to hire an elder care attorney and go to court to become guardian. This was granted the end of May. My 2 sisters are supportive but one lives 4 hours away and the other works 8-5. I run my own business so have more flexibility. My 2 brothers have their heads buried in the sand. Mom has been telling them all kinds of lies about what I've said and what I've done. None of it is true. The brothers believe everything she says. Calling the police has become a new past-time for my brothers. Once there, the police tell them that it's a civil matter and that I have the legal right to be there. My mother now has dementia and has gone around the bend. I hired in-home caretakers that just started last week. They are appalled by my Mom's insanity. My life has been turned upside down. I finally took all of my Dad's meds away from my Mom and now have to run out there (30 min. away) twice a day to give him his pills. This morning, my Mom wouldn't unlock the door to let me in to give Dad his meds. Yesterday, my younger brother barricaded the house and wouldn't let me in. I finally had to call 9-1-1 because it's a life-threatening situation. They told me to get a Writ of Assistance and get my Dad out of there as fast as I can. I'm going to court tomorrow. I feel like I'm losing my mind. My husband and 2 adult sons are very loving and supportive. But that doesn't help with the loss of sleep, the loss of appetite, the inability to focus on my own life. I'm at my wits' end!

Mom doesn't talk to me anymore without snarling and spitting at me. She says she can't even stand to look at me anymore. She's called me the 'enemy' and sent me a 3-page letter of lies about how horrible a person I am. She screams at me, my husband, my sisters and their husbands. She only wants her 2 sons around her. I tell them "you can have her!" The main problem is that she's interfering with my trying to take care of my Dad.

Animals are intuitive in a way that most humans will never be, including sometimes when they "signal" that something is wrong in their favorite human's life and/or body. Animals "speak" volumes, if we but listen within our Spirits. That is touching how your cat is so close to you, 195Austin!

SUNSHINECAREGIVER
You are right my cat seems to know when my fibromyalgia or R.A. is bad and he sleeps next to me and leans his warm body into mine and his warmth helps me go to sleep- it is the best medician-I lucked out when I met him at the shelter 2 yrs ago and when I cry he really seems to understand.

I'll bet your cat is more understanding than most! Enjoy that peaceful feeling within.

Sunshinecaregiver
You are right on the button, since I took back my life so to speak so many people have told me how good I look you do have to rescue yourself. I am a her. This site is so great it took me a while to get on but before that I was able to read others commets and then my son fooled around with my computer and I was able to join in the group-it's great to be with people who get it. I've also learned how to find my own happiness sometimes its just sitting with my cat and talking to him.

Sometimes peaceful non-retaliatory quietness and silence or soft music is the best answer. Mindful quietness will transport you to a peacful place where the "noise" starts to fade into the distance, much like so-called "white noise." Neither your Mom now anyone else ican give you happiness back. If you really want it, you will have to reach for it and re-create it in your world, if you know what I mean. I create my own happiness daily, and it has nothing to do with the circumstances in which I may find myself on any given day. Doesn't mean I don't cry on occasion. After all, you and I are only human. Yes, as 195 Austin has said in his/her reply, keep sharing your feelings with others who understand. That really helps.

DEADRE
I found that I just had to leave the room often when my husband was verbably abusive which is how your Mom treats you.Sometimes you can talk to the person but I talked about until I was blue in the face. When it was time to come home from rehab he would agree to be better and would be for a few days and then he would go right back to being mean. Now I tell myself I am worth more than that and his power over me to try to bring me down is gone. It took a long time for him to GET IT. When I told him other people were talking about us from what they see when we are out together he was shocked he could not understand what he was doing wrong. Now I don't go out with-I go bymyself to places we use to go together. I don't think your sisters' house will ever be ready- after 6 weeks she should have had at least enough of the house ready to take your Mon back. I was told by a therapist I was waiting for someone to rescue me and that was not going to happen-I had to do it for myself--it was very very hard to change and he resised it like crazy-he was happy me being his servant-his life was good my health was going down the tubes. Keep in touch it helps to verbalize. Take care

DEADRE
My heart goes out to you. I know others will come on and give you encouragrment, Ive been there with my husband and it hears so much to have someone who should love you treat you so badly.