Dealing with guilt not being able see mother during Covid 19. Any advice?

No, you sure aren't alone. This is my daily concern.

My mother has dementia and I visited her in her MC home at least 2-3 times a week. Six months ago, I suddenly stopped coming, so of course my mother must think I've abandoned her! It's been sheer torture for me.

My dad, the healthy parent, died relatively suddenly two years ago, so he abandoned my mother. My brother doesn't much like being around old people and never did visit often, so yes, he really has abandoned her. Her sister died six years ago, leaving her as the last member of her family, so she abandoned her. I'm literally all she has left. This is my thought process.

The best I can do is try to communicate with her on the phone, which doesn't work well, and send her lots of emails with pictures of baby animals, which she likes. The staff at her place assure me she's fine. They send me pictures when they read her emails to her. I know she's OK.

This whole pandemic has definitely increased the rate of my mother's decline, and I just have to tell myself that this is the path life was meant to take. It wasn't what we planned, but neither was dementia or a nursing home. I just take a deep breath and work with what life throws at me each day.

I have the same feelings about my mother. I am allowed to go to the window of her room. As time has progressed, she is unable to handle a cell phone on an independent basis. You are not alone in your feelings. Mother was in the hospital for a brief time recently and would ask nurses to call me at all times of the night because she was afraid. That truly broke my heart. So, know you are not alone in your feelings, try whatever works for you to stay in touch, and consider that she might respond to a copy of a picture in a card from you or someone she will recognize. Best wishes.

How can you feel 'guilt' over something you have no control over?? You're unable to have in person visits with your mother right now so feeling guilty about it serves no function whatsoever. Nobody wanted a pandemic to befall us, and nobody is happy about all the restrictions that we are ALL facing! It's just something we have to accept until the restrictions are lifted and/or until a vaccine is approved and we're willing to actually GET it.

In the meantime, have the care giver help your mom with the Zoom calls and leave it at that. You know she's being cared for, and as long as you're able to speak on the phone, your mother knows you haven't 'abandoned' her.

Good luck!