Dementia and cancer diagnosis: Has anyone had an experience with this and what are your thoughts about telling or not telling a person they have it?

Let her know that she has cancer. Even if she doesn't remember.

Truly, sometimes I am shocked at the questions people will ask on this forum.

Your mother is 89 year old and lives in a memory care unit. Do you really think telling her she has cancer is really the right thing to do?

I was a caregiver to the elderly for 25 years. I had more than a few people with dementia that had terminal illnesses they didn't know about. No one told them either.

Here's what will happen. Your mother will likely get hysterical then not remember why.
The after affects of this shock will likely be felt for days or even weeks afterwards. It will also cause setbacks in whatever she is still able to do for herself.
Really, all it will achieve is to make the job of the people who take care pf her even harder.

Please, let your conscience decide for you. I'm sure if you look there you will find that not telling her is an act of mercy and compassion.

IMHO, telling someone they have a terminal disease is only necessary if they would have the gumption to fight it (with every ounce of their courage and energy). If not, let them live out their days in peace and a whole lot of pain meds to make the journey pain free.

If you don't intend to treat her cancer, why go through the biopsy. Better to ask the doctors for whatever helps her to be comfortable until God takes her home.

I found it better to tell as where the cancer is has been very painful. I’m not sure in this case if dementia, vessels in neck restricted due to tumor or if majority is from so many narcotics for pain.

Why would you do that? Manage symptoms as they occur and keep your mother as comfortable and content as possible every day.

Don't tell. The drs may say things in front of her, but if/when she remembers and asks just play it down. There is absolutely no reason to create a scare for even a minute with mom. You are correct - don't let her last days on earth be stressful, worrisome, or add other thoughts that will just bounce around in her head.

I’m in this very situation—dementia and newly-diagnosed cancer— but have no intention of mentioning the cancer. Because the lump is growing and changing and is becoming more painful, he will have surgery this week. I want to save him the mental confusion and anxiety while addressing the physical discomfort. He does repeatedly ask about and draws my attention to the lump. I calmly answer that the doctors aren’t sure why it’s there but they’re going to get rid of it so he’s more comfortable. I don’t mention that he’ll likely have increased pain short-term following the surgery. Nor do I mention or show my own concern about the possible aftereffects of anesthesia. One step at a time.

My husband (82) has liver cancer and is in moderate stage of Alzheimers. He does know, but when he forgets, I don't remind him. His doctor said his treatments are not working and wants him to go to immunotherapy. From what I've read on Dr. Google, it does not sound promising. (only 15 to 20% chance of working on his type of cancer, and bad side effects. If it does work, only provides months extra, not a cure). Very difficult, but I have decided to talk to the doctor with him because that is what I would want for myself.

Hello again everyone!

Thank you so much for all the thoughts. We have decided to do a PET scan instead of a biopsy as it is much less invasive..but I'm still worried she will freak out even doing that...she is quite suspicious of doctors and fearful of hospitals.. I will tell Mom that it's just to check an inflammation spot they saw on her lungs. I still am going with not telling her if she has cancer. Right now she is happy to get up to eat her breakfast, enjoy her room with big windows, go to PT...be with friends etc.. shes happy