We just moved my dad from an ALF to a NH. We were told that he had beginning stage dementia a few years ago. Cannot get the doctor to understand the changes as he feeds dad answers and says he is fine. The reason for the move is that he was doing less for himself each day and they could no longer handle his care. He had become incontinent at night. I think he has Sundowners as he is wandering more at night. He was found outside very early one morning (setting off the door alarms), in the freezing cold with no shoes or coat. It seemed like he was sleepwalking, and sort of came to when they said he needed to go back inside.
When we moved dad, he was doing ok. He has not had a good memory for quite a while. Repeats things 20 times in 10 minutes, but we could always pull him back by changing the subject. He remembers things about his grandkids, but not necessarily their names. He knows things about his great grandkids and will laugh when we talk about them. He knew when meal times were and what night he had his shower.
The day after we moved him, he had a visitor who asked how he liked it there. His response, I don't know yet, I only arrived yesterday. However, since the move a week ago, he is completely confused. He tries to use the phone to change the channel on the television. He looked at pictures of family and saw one of his mother. He asked me if she was still living? He has never done that.
They told us this was normal because everything was new to him. New room, new location for bathroom and meals. New people and sounds etc. They said that he would adjust. I did ask about a UTI and they tested and said he was fine and that we should give him time for things to start becoming routine.
When I visited him on day 5, he thought I was there to take him back to his house and looked like a sad little boy when I tried to explain that he lived here now. This was his home and that the people who lived here were going to help take care of him and get his meals and do his laundry. Dad: "so I can't go home? Ever? I didn't know I was going to have to stay here. What's the use of living. This is no way to live." I live 2 hours away and cried all the way home. I cannot care for his needs, so I am unable to bring him home to live with me.
Is my dad suddenly gone or will he adjust? I am heartbroken.
I know that look you talked about on your dad's face when he realized that he would have to stay there. I saw the same look on my dad's face and my dad said almost the same thing that your dad did and I too cried all the way home. Just thinking about it now, more than a year later, and it still hurts.
A change in routine can definitely shake up somebody with dementia. I think it can shake someone up without dementia as well. You didn't do anything wrong, he needed more care and now he's getting it. You had no other choice. There's no telling if the decline in his mental state is permanent, only time will tell, but I'm not at all surprised that he's more confused than he used to be. I think he'll get used to the new place and the new routine and settle in to some degree. It will become familiar to him. Just give it some time.