For those who don't know me, my husband and I live with my mom who is 91 and has Alzheimer's and a weak heart. I take medication for depression but it still gets a hold of me. We rarely get out together as my mom can't be alone. My brother and sister live far away...brother gives us breaks maybe once or twice a year. Sister doesn't lift a finger. I've been doing this for almost 5 years and making other arrangements is not an option for me. My husband says I'll feel better in the spring. I don't know... Guilt goes along with the depression. If I don't do anything I feel guilty, but I some days don't feel up to doing a thing.
I think a whole generation was raised to not value our own needs, but to swallow our feelings and focus on the needs of others at the expense of our own.
That was me growing up and for years later for my mother had absorbed me emotionally into herself to meet her emotional need without ever meeting mine which she did voluntarily admit to 20 years ago or meeting my dad's emotional needs or her second husband's emotional needs which she has not clue.
I'm glad you can breathe. Breathe and let all of that toxicity from stress that's built up in your muscles, etc. just flow out bit by bit.
Dad been for a scan today to see if he has the dementia.I go to the hospital every day to visit. Soon he will be in a home and i am looking forward to the future.
I don't think any of us are like paying for some past sins although it might feel that way.
The continuation of these psychotic breaks with reality also known as auditory hallucinations means her anti psychotic medicine needs adjusting by her doctor. It would be good idea to accomplish this before she goes to assisted living. For some people who struggle with these psychotic breaks, they find smoking a comfort.
My mom has said her rosary for many a year. Even now she ask someone to hand it to her so she can pray. I really don't even know if she says complete our fathers, or hair mary's but she does something.
For many years when I wasn't being quite the ideal person, good things would happen to me. Sometimes when I had no money, a check would just appear out of nowhere. Sometimes when I would feel alone, someone would call and say "come on over". Sometime when my sonz weren't being to well behaved, all of a sudden they would become someone special all over again.
Now for many years I just thought it was luck, then one day my mom and I had a conversation and she told me she prays for me and my family all the time. It was then that I knew that through her prayers God was seeing me through. Certainly it wasn't because of me praying, because at that time I wasn't.
Depressed yes I am depressed because after all that praying my mom did for me, now she needs God to see her through.
So praying is what I continue to do. There is power in prayer, there is power in believing and I have to believe that. Maybe there will be no miracle, but I will settle for peace.
Taking 0.5 mg of Risperdal is entry level for this med. Doctors do tend to prescribe lower doses to older people though. Please take some time to research this med online for it does have some important possible side effects at higher levels.
thanks pamela !!
Sandy - I like how you put that about 'sins'!!!!
Tina and everyone else after reading the past several posts I felt like saying
pa s been awake ovr 24 hrs big bright eyes . am waitin for him to sleep for 2 days . i think i ll sleep for 2 days . i am so cold and freezing , lazy , tired , gotta cook supper too . whats to fix ? nothing sounds good . :-(
i wonder if that is a sign of depressions sinkin in ? i sure do feel down ...
How about comfort food, perhaps papa will like that too:
mac n cheese (even nukable ones are good)
scalloped potatoes ( the box ones are just as good as homemade)
steamed veggies (fresh veggies cheap at the 99 cents store)
fried fish (Lousianna fish fry - no salt pkg - dip Talipa fillets in a mixture of 1 egg and cup of milk -dip in fish fry fry in light Wesson oil - fast and easy)
german hamburgers (kinda like mini meatloafs - ground beef, minced onion, eggs, bread soaked in milk, salt/pepper, paprika - shape into fat patties and fry)