Does anyone else deal with depression from being a primary caregiver?

I take my depression to my therapist weekly and I take my anti-depresent everyday, plus in two more weeks I'll see a new psychitrist who will hopefuly change my medicine.

I'm learning there are many aspects to this depression. I my own case as someone with bipolar II, this situational depression increases the depths of my bipolar mood swings down. It gets itensified with anger that surfaces with un faced before issues from my childhood memory. In my case, I'm not talking about just my elderly mother who is 78 and spousified me as a little boy when she divorced my dad when I was 3 and continuing this emotional instrusive engulfment even after she remarried when I was 12; plus her successful attempts to ice my dad, (now 85), out of my life which has been sealed by my wicked witch of the west needy but domineering step-mother. Don't even let me get started about my dad or step dad for I've got some issues with them too. All of which I used Microsoft movie maker the other night to express in film the feelings that now feel so raw and at their worse my skin feels as sensitive as someone who has no skin. I will take my 18 minute movie to my therapist on Tuesday for when I can't actually say my emotions to begin with, he fully understands what I'm saying through making a short movie.

Pirate Gal, It is now going on 11 years for me as well. I thought she wouldn't last after my dad died because he had been her slave for so long, she wouldn't be able to deal without him, but since I replaced her old slave, I guess she will last forever.... We are now in the process of moving to another state. We've done this before and I have alsways been able to handle it (since she, of couse, moves too), but I am having a really hard time handling everything this time. I just don't have the energy or motivation to do all the planning, etc. I will, I have to for my families sake, but I wish that I was just doing it for my family and didn't have to include her in this AGAIN! The only good thing is that we will be moving back to the state where I grew up and she has some friends there, so maybe...... I'll have some respite once this is all over!

Dede,

I don't know how many times I've seen the needy enslaving spouse surprise everyone by living on as your mother has after their spouse dies. My MIL is a perfect example of this. I hope that move turns out well and can understand the lack of movitation and energy to plan it all, etc.

Hi all,
Thanks crow and dede. I had never thought about this before, (not having $$ for therapy) but YES. In my case I also became the "spouse" after my parents divorced when I was 7. Then at 21 I got out of the state and made my own life-only to be back in the same situation now. I struggle hard against it, try to separate myself and claim who I have become, but she is relentless, and now that she has me here with her fantasy or sickness in place once again is trying to draw energy to live forever!!!!!!!!!!!I think the only glitch for HER is that I'm not participating-which is causing an enormous amount of resentment in her.
This new thread is giving me a lot to think about.

nins,

The book which hit the nerve of being spousified for me is Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners -Understanding Covert Incest By Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.. It so described my own experience far better than the book The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life by Dr. Patricia Love.

Ok, I tried to post on the new reality show we are going to produce, starring my mommy. It is called "Lost Wallet" followed by "Lost Keys" and "Credit Cards that were never issued" The cliff hanger is called "Throwup". Your posts had me tearing up. We are all in this together. Group hug. Shelley Anne

I need to add "where's my purse" and "I'm so nervous, I feel weak and shaky" and add "diarreha" to the cliff hanger!

Some other nights could be titled
"All My Siblings"
"Who's Afraid of Mommy Dearest?"
"Edge of Insanity"
"The Young and The Borderline"
"The Guiding F.O.G."
"Another World, The Untold Story"
"One Life To Lose"
"Days of My Former Life"
"No Hope For Tomorrow"
"Search For My Life"
"Our Private Hell"
"Desperate Caregivers"

OOOhps. How IS it that they know exactly what they have-even if they haven't seen it in years? I swear mine takes "mental inventory"-and the very thing I throw out, thinking she has no idea is the one she asks for, and then goes into a complete freak out. This includes food in the freezer a year or more old.
And yes I know what a Moo Moo is-unfortunately.

Oh and you guy are cracking me up with the Show titles.
Group hug from here too.

Here's a song title for use at the close of the TV series inspired by a pic on my wall.

"I am Going To Catalina In My Mind"

In the cliffhanger we will star a friendly pediatrist and who ever passes the neurological exam gets a rose..

The pediatrist does not do the neuro exam, he is a handsome toe guy, just wanted to make myself clear.

"I want my my life back" is missing on the list

three o'clock in the morning and it looks like it's gonna be another sleepless night.

I've had too many sleepless nights and sleepy days lately.

OMG you all make me smile, and that feels so good!

man pa is leanin more and more while ago he was almost layin on the table to eat his supper . he does that once in a while . often wonder why he does that . i ha dto put him in bed , told him that my back is hurtin and im afraid i wont beable to get him out of his recliner . so off to bed he went . hope tmr he will be able to sit up straight .
sad sad , now im drinkin my beer to calm me down and maybe take away the achin feelin in my back .
hope tmr be a better day ....

I hate how this stuff eats at us from the inside! How helpless we really are!

oh my i think i need to take a nap . my whole body just aches , goodnite u all ....

have we talked about developing a "wine patch"?

Geez I feel wore down today...had to get on the merry go round of mommy dearest yesterday eve....back to the constipation whining....when I got over there after work she was ready to go to the hospital for made up symptoms. I knew there was nothing wrong cause she's led me down those symptoms path before right to emergency and 6 1/2 hours later a 50 buck enema and x-rays and ekg and nothing. So I had to go around and around with a mentally exaustive verbal round and round....no mention of pain this morning...gee I wonder why. Do these Alz/Dem folks dream up stuff like this all the time. I asked her how many more months she thinks she can drag me around this maypole of constipation delima? She thinks she can just go to the hospital and miracously the doc's at the hospital are going to make her constipation go away. I told her...the doc already told you what to do drink your Miralax and your Metamucil everyday. Eat your prunes, make some excercise yadda yadda yadda....how much more can I take it on the Roller Coaster of Constipation?

<----- going coo coo

yes pirate,, dementia do those things . for a while my dad would cry ohh my wrist hurts so i give him pain pills , then one day he forgot all about his wrist and ask me why he was takin those pain pills for >>? i told him cuz ur wrist hurts , oh lord behold he started screamin ohhhh my wrist ohhh ithurts so bad . i was shocked ! of course i ha dto give him his painpill or otherwise i be hearing him cry till i give him his meds .
last year it was his back then over the summer its his wrist now its his whole body . sometimes he acts like he s dying .
nothing better to do but put on a show i guess ...
next time just act like ure callin the dr and then hang up the ph and tell her dr said to take ur whatever . she;ll be satisfied since u called the dr . wink .

What is a wine patch Shelleyanne? Is that like the box of wine I have in my fridge for the scant occasions that I can actually drink???

I already suffer from depression along with other mental illnesses but being the full-time care giver of my mother only increases the moods. I have been taking care of my mother for the past 10 years and within the last 4 years has she become dependent on me. I do her physical therapy she needs, take her to her doctors appt etc.....My brother lives only 1.5 hours away and never has he offered to come and give me a break. I feel for you and know how it is to not be able to get a break. since my mothers health has been getting worse my brother has maybe been down here 3-4 times in the last 6 yrs to see our mom. Sometimes for the depression there is something to help ease some of the guilt and low feelings you are experiencing. I will pray for you and your mother and know that everything happens for a reason and your mother really does appreciate what you are doing even if sometimes she may or may not express it. God Bless!!

hardebeck...glad you are confirming my suspicions...I love your idea! Last night I handed her the phone to call 911 and that's where it stopped....like I said she did not want the fullblown ambulance coming and everything. Today when I talked to her she did not mention anything about swelling, or constipation or her side hurting. When I talked to her caregiver today she mentioned something about my mom's side aching, but I think she thinks its suspicious as well. I told my mom, if she's feeling so bad she can have the caregiver take her to emergency, she did not like that option either. What she wanted was to drag only me into the scenario. When I asked what is the difference between me and the caregiver her wild excuse was this..okay ready....okay get this...she said that if the caregiver was to take her to emergency..then that caregiver will not come back to take care of her...say what...I told her the caregiver is paid to do a service and right now that service is to you...she's not going to change just cause you went to emergency...all those twisted paranoia crapolla things I have had to contend with all my life with her.

I don't know what a wine patch is but I can tell you what a "JOHNNY WALKER RED" patch is :)

mizunderstood,

While it might sound contrary to almost everything sometimes people find the spring makes their depression feel even worse as everything else is looking so new, beautiful and fresh. I would suggest that you and your husband just be aware of this.

i am very sorry about you condition of depression. i do understand what you're going through. i have been taking care of my mother with no help from family since 2005. i was placed on medication for depression, but i refuse to take it. i just put my trust in God and try to live day by day. just like you i can't seem to find myself sometimes in it all but prayer keeps me strong i guess. take care of yourself girl and remember that God is able to make changes in all of our lives.

Sometimes I go to the doctor for help with insomnia and anxiety, they also think I need "anti depressents" I can't handle them at ALL! Makes me want to scratch my eyes out and gives me a reality that is soooo unfamiliar..I can relate. I just trust in God too. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice that says "try again tomorrow"...try try try and try it again..