Does anyone else deal with depression from being a primary caregiver?

Yeah I don't want to be all junked up with depressents and running all over town to meetings..(like when can I do that if I am going to run all over town it will be over to mommo's for something).....I just say BE BRAVE KEEP GOING...ONE DAY IT WILL BE OVER...I just keep reminding myself of that over and over and over...to sleep sometimes I take a little Ativan/Lorazapam does not take much...and they are gentle....(nabbed from daddies med's after he passed away)

Wellllll now that you ask! A wine patch would attach just below your neck and provide tollerance and old college memories. You would not have to recycle any bottles in the morning and you would remember your mother before she started calling you names. Also the wine patch comes with a calling card so you are able to contact anyone when ever you feel like it. Have I said too much?

LOL thats a kneeslapper anne.......does it include a cute cabana boy?

God I hope so.

Can i get a box of them as large as the box I already buy of wet wine?

box o depends or wine...or whine?

okay I am losing it..

it's wine, we will call it the Pinot Patch.

ive never heard of a wine patch , ya mean u put a patch on and get a buzz from it instead of drinkin real wine ?? ifthats the case then i would like a wine patch since i dont care toomuch for drinkin wine . cant stand the taste of it , im more of a margaritta or beer ..yummie

Well I know I had to move from "bottles" of wine to the boxes of wine you put in your fridge with that little tap in the side..drinking wine!!!! and I feel like I "whine" plenty too!! sorry!

well, that is the brilliance of the wine patch, first of all no one can see it. It causes no embarrising bumps in your outfit. Oh God she is up gotta go!

PirateGal, thats all I need to get some relief also, but doc's here think I am "too young" and think "depression" causes my anxiety..i don't get it. last time i asked for a few valium to help me sleep at least 1 nite a week, they wanted me to try lithium instead! sigh....all it takes a small amount and i can sleep like a baby, but come right alive when the phone rings.or there is a small noise....boss lady gets 60 xanax and 240 tramadols every month!!! go figure

KarenBeth,

Lithium is the standard old drug that is still used for people with bipolar disorder I, the manic kind.

I've never heard of a doctor tell someone they are too young for depression. That's a hoot! I'd like to see his credentials and how much continuing education has he done or is he going by his yellow faded notes from med school.

There are people in their 20ties with clinical depression. There are people including some teens who are in situational depression. I think that unless you have something like I do, bipolar II the depressive kind, then your depression is more situational. My situational depression makes my bi-polar II worse. I'm changing my psychiatirst because the other one that I have had since the fall of 2002 was no longer helping me.

May I suggest that you ask around for a psychiatrist with a good reputation for they are the ones who are trained to really give the meds. Also, as I tell about everyone here, please make getting a therapist part of your self-care program.

Well I have carried it with me for 20 plus years. Have been to lots of doctors (couldn't afford the better ones) and therapists. Mostly come to the conclusion I have ptsd from bad violant marriage-constant "flight or fight" became the norm for me even after divorce, with two babies evolved. fought it thru am working on my brain to change the "neural pathways I have come to rely on", now have anxiety or just can't turn off the adrenaline. long story..right now i control it by having a job where I am faced to count on myself. Maybe I am feeding the dragon, I haven't figured that out. Really not depressed. just getting older and my body won't keep up with my mind and I need some sleep! I just the blues, but don't think I am really depressed! I don't dwell much on the past either..

I can see where having PSTD from a violent marriage might make taking care of an aging parent extra difficult because some things just might act like a trigger.

My wife and I both have a church version of PSTD from 20 years of working with some very sick situations from the inside (not all of them Priase God) where most who attend don't even know as well as two places that threatened my life and were exceedingly abusing to my wife which was just like her family of origin that sent her as well as our whole family on quite of trip of her going in and out of hospitals over and over again. Now, we go, but don't get involved beyond attending and if we pick up on something going on that triggers our PSTD and we stay away from church for a while. I could go onto describe how this has impacted our boys, but I'll hold on that one.

no one gives (or sells me) drugs which is why I developed the wine patch gees i need your dr.

If I drank wine (or beer) with both my welbutrin and Lamictal, I would be in for a longer than normal amount of sleep. That's why the warning lable says don't do it.

When I start to feeli depriessed I remember all the time she spent raiseing me and there is no way in ----- I would allow any one else to care for her tell the end.It makes me fell better knowing she will pass in her own bed with love ones! but still somtimes depression still gets ahold.But chin up and remember better times.

Thank God I have saved my computer from the kitchen sink! (where mom decided it needed to go ) And Mom may NOT eat dried pasta, just saying. I also believe that as crazy making as it is here I am doing the right thing, And yes, confusion (mine) and depression (no s@@@) is there. This has cost a lot, but at the end of the day I feel ok, and then I put on the wine patch.

blade bravo if you can do it on your own....


many of us did not have a nice childhood with these folks and a lot of that raises it's ugly head,,,cause it's like a worsened continuation...also some of the parents here are so pyhsicaly declining that it's almost impossible to take care of them inside the home any longer

That is why I ran away at 17 and stayed away for 25+ years..I could never raise my own kids around their degrading critisism, smacking and harsh words..ironic how I am in this position now. Maybe my 5 other siblings feel like it's my turn?They all seem to be very friendly with the folks, on the RARE occasion they are around.. I never caused them grief from far away, and always kept in touch. Of course M&D pretend (or do they forget??) the younger years. Maybe they are glad I don't bring it up. So far nothing too ugly has reared its head on me, yet I often wonder if it will..as they call me by my sisters name constantly, sometimes I wonder if they really know that it's me, not my sisters?? Oh so much to think about and so much to prepare for...maybe deep inside they feel bad for how they treated me in my childhood?? They are so frail I can't bear the thought of hurting their feelings by bringing anything up. Besides, alot of it I have put to rest and come to terms with..oh my maybe I am my own worst enemy..thinking all of this stuff

Lets just say this right up front, my mommy is nuts. And yes I had a fairly good upbringing, and as you all know this is difficult beyond difficult. And what i said yesterday was in a fit of life zen @$%^. Today, she needs to go stay at a zoo.

Karen...gee are we sisters?....lol...I took off when I was able to at 20. I knew it was only smart to leave when I had funds (had been working since 19 (and of course the place daddy dearest wanted me to work his workplace)...my b/f at the time called me at work and said he found an apartment for 400 bucks and that was it. I paid the first and last (he never worked a full day in his short life)...and grabbed blankets, pillows and comforters and my stereo and I was out the door. They were stunned I did it so fast. I was miserable living at home ever since I was 16 coming of age so to speak. I hated living there. I shut myself up in my room all the time...would take dinner in there..had nothing in common with my parents. They never got involved with me...I kinda took care of myself made sure I took the tough classes in high school and then college. My father had squeezed the notion out of my head about art. "ART IS NOT A JOB"..I always heard even that is what my heart wanted to do since I was young. Yep I took off and never went back these 30 years. Cept now she would LOVE it if I moved in...but we will see...taking one day at a time still.


Oh any my father kept a grudge about me moving out at 20...he called it RUNNING AWAY...yeah running away at 20..yeah running away from HELL.

I understand what you are going through, my husband and I are taking care of his mom, or should I say I am taking care of her. At times it seems like there is not light at the end of the tunnel, it only gets longer. He has a large family and none of his brothers or sisters help out, they do all live out of town but some times we all need a break. Prayer is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy, especially since I lose my job last year and I have no other venues of excape.

Dburns you lost your job? that is what frightens me at the moment. I get much relief from this site! We are not alone for sure! Pirategal..omg..that is what both M&D would say "Art will get you nowhere in this life" "you need to find a good man to take care of you" blah blah blah. "your going to burn in hell" was always a favorite :)..I graduated early from high school and had worked since I was 15 (all started with lunch room duty lol). so I ran away the night I got done with school.
raised two kids for 17 years on my own, and LOVE art!!
ya,D&M I love art and i am 100 % sure i wouldn't make a living on it lol! I love modge podge (i am way behind the times)
TGIF

My mom loves art, do you want her? She has had her shots.

I'm depressed or completely lost ..I love my mother dearly but watching slowly die for the pass year is too much...and not working for a year and focusing on her damn near 24/7 is driving me insane and no one wants to give me a break . All i need is a weekend to myself , its gotten to the point that i had to get medication from my physican to cope.....

Serekia it is a b**** I have only been on "the job" for around a hundred days, and close to the job since 2000. Why do we do it? I of course can only answer this, I have been in a ton of nursing/assisted living places and saw hundreds of seniors lined up in wheelchaires along the isles, I don't want that for my mom, though there are days when I think she would be better off with a kindly nurse Ms. Rachett. Hang in there.

My mother came for a visit two years ago and had a stroke. My family was thrilled it happened here and they promptly said she could not return north as they could not take care of her. They rented out her place and we get a phone call every few months. The cost of day care is astronomical. She can not be left alone. The worst is the guilt and resentment because I want my old life back. I hate myself for being so selfish. Mom was an abuser so my life is filled with triggers from my past. Prayer has helped and the 1005 support from my husband and friends. I miss my grankids who live in different states and find I can no longer afford to fly off to see them. Mom's care cost about $60 @ day. Lucky for me I am a teacher and my job is a delight.

Auntlaurie,

Please don't hate yourself for wanting your life back. That's normal. The self-hate, guilt and resentment that I hear going on is directly connected to those triggers you mentioned. Abusive parents have a way of making their children feel self-hatred and gulty for even wanting their own life for they program them to be more attentive to the parent's needs to the point of doing nothing for the child's needs except using them for their own dominating neediness.

Personally and professionally, I would say that you definitly need counseling to help you with this delima. The kind of issues being dealt with here are not resolved by prayer and friendships alone as helpful as they are.

Your family is obviously more concerned about themselves than your mom or that she was abusive which makes it very difficult for you to care for her which is totally understandable and normal and by their actions they are being abusive as well.

What a bold move for them to move take over her house without even dicussing this with you. I assume they are sending her the rental money?

Who has durable and medical POA? If they don't have durable POA, then they don't have the legal authority to rent her house out.

Is your famiy holding her money under their control so that you and your husband have to foot the whole bill? What kind of resources if any does your mother have?

I could have written this. I know the feeling very well. It's been six years for me. My husband, me and my mother all live in the same house. I coped for the first couple of years and then the depression it. I believe that edvierajr was the commenter that said you are grieving for the life you once had and have now lost. I agree with that. I don't recognize myself anymore. I never go out. In fact, I guess I have become somewhat agoraphobic. I want the old me back. The best thing I can tell you is that if you need to talk, I'm here and willing to listen. People just can't understand what it's like unless they've been through it, so it's nice to have someone to vent to that's in the same situation.