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It’s been three and a half years since I visited mom. We are in different states (she’s in NY and I’m now in MD) I bought her an Alexa Echo Show to see and sing with her daily. The echo started working intermittently and then when it did work mom was never in her room. My brother with medical and financial POA lives downstairs and my sister lives with her. They assure me she’s fine. A week ago my sister texts that my mom is lethargic and should she call an ambulance. I said YES, hopped in my car and started driving. When I got there, my heart broke. My brilliant, lively, funny mom was thin, frail and uncommunicative. In the interest of space, here’s what I’m seeing: mom was admitted for dehydration and malnutrition; my brother hasn’t taken my 84 yo mom to the doctor in over 3 yrs; her dentures are broken and she can’t chew much- no dentist appointments; he stopped giving her the prescriptions and does not monitor her glucose for diabetes; her mattress was disgusting-pee and feces soaked. My sister who lives with her blames him but the entire apartment except for my sisters room and bath are beyond disgusting. My 2 nephews (26 and 30) are sleeping in the living room and smoking weed in the house. I want everyone OUT and my brother removed as POA. I don’t have resources for a great attorney, but am more than willing to move here and care for her full time. I have no idea where to start or where to go. I researched something called an Article 81 but like I said, advanced directives are in place. Any direction would be deeply appreciated.

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“It’s been three and a half years since I visited mom.”

This is strange.

I understand you say, your siblings neglected your Mom. But it seems you also neglected/abandoned your Mom for 3.5 years?

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. There are many ways you could have investigated how she is, in the past years. Whatsapp video? Friend dropping by? Hire someone to just drive by the house and catch a glimpse of how your Mom is?

3.5 years…
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I think in this situation better u move Mom near you instead of you near her. If you don't have POA already then you need to get Guardianship. This will give you the ability to remove everyone out of Moms house. I hope you are taking lots of pictures and documenting everything. I would also allow charges to be brought against your siblings for elder abuse. I bet if you investigate Mom has lost some money to so add theft to the charge. Maybe an easy eviction once all this is proved in court. Then you get the locks changed immediately. Mom cannot go back to that house. Maybe temporary placement until u figure things out. But I would not stay in the house. I would not want to live anywhere where ur siblings can harrass you. So, Md is where u should stay taking Mom with you.
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I hope you have photos of her living conditions, so you can show the people at the hospital that she is not a safe discharge. I'd also have photos of your sister's room which would prove intentional neglect on her part.

Get Adult Protective Services and even the police involved. Make as much noise as you can to protect your mother, but remember, they're also going to wonder why you haven't visited in three years when you don't live all that far away. You might not get her put into your care either.
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freqflyer Sep 2022
MJ1929, it may look like a short drive via a map, but it is all high speed interstate. The writer doesn't say what part of New York her Mom lives in. If it is upstate, add a couple more hours to long boring drive. We would drive from northern Virginia, just across the river from Maryland up to Syracuse, NY and it was a 6 hour haul each way.
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I would start by talking to the Social Work department at the hospital concerning the conditions which your mother presented with at admission.

Is your sister acting as her caregiver? Does she know anything about nutrition or hydration in the elderly? Was she monitoring your mother's food intake? Malnutrition does not happen overnight.

It very much sounds like there is neglect and possible abuse going on, and I would hope that the hospital has reported it. Talked to the SWs and the discharge planning department about what the next step is for mom. Frame it as "sending her back home is clearly an unsafe discharge".

Mom may benefit from a couple of weeks of rehab once she gets rehydrated and re-nourished. Once placed in a facility, you have some breathing room to make a better plan for her future care.
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Who owns the property? Does mom still have her mental faculties? If she does, she can remove son and appoint you as POA. That is what is needed for you to take over to make decisions for her. If she doesn't have mental capacity, you can apply for guardianship, but yes, it may be expensive. As far as your siblings, unfortunately you have no power to evict them unless you own the property. If you really wanted, you could call APS on them and have them do an investigation. You'd be starting a family war and likely will estrange yourself from them. The hospital, if they saw signs of neglect, may have already done so.
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