She's immunocompromised. So here we are into what I thought was the birthday trip. We’ve been in casinos for a solid two days and just now I find that mil is planning a family birthday party for exactly two days from now.

There are no tests around immediately. But he can’t just tell mom that he chose to go to a casino while she chose to invest in the Birthday as one of her holidays. If he got it then I have it. No tests around to really see.

I am furious at both of them for this. If he chooses to attend and I don’t then I will be seen as the biggest uncaring for not attending.

Does he just go alone and do I risk the family drama coming my way? Or do I go along assuming that at least one of us could be contagious to appease said drama

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We stepped away from doing the Adult Birthday Dinner for him some years ago. He would just tell her that we had other plans.

Which is what I thought would happen here. He told them last month that there would be plans around his birthday so I incorrectly assumed there would not be a Family Event.

He pushed it out until Monday. That gives us the five days. After which there are no family gatherings scheduled until April.
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So is this a birthday trip/party for your husband? In other words, the 2 of you went away on your own (unbeknown to MIL) for DH birthday; now his mom wants to plan a birthday party for him?

If so, what about you/DH simply telling MIL "we don't think a birthday party right now is a good idea; too risky for everyone, especially YOU, MIL. When the numbers start to come down, we can revisit the idea of a party then". I mean, your husband isn't 5 years old, where not having a party on his actual birthday is a huge disappointment, right?
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PeggySue2020 Jan 2022
They think going to casinos is like doing drugs. They also believe pot is a drug, which is why we pick up edibles for her at the pot store lol.

The Adult Birthday Party tradition is a vehicle for more concrete family holidays, like Christmas or Easter. There are too many of these holidays for me, and we have long agreed that for me they are optional. However, if I did not go to SO's own birthday party, this would invite unfounded and entirely unwanted attention.
Tell your MIL that you have been exposed.
She should not be inviting people over anyway, but that’s another story.
Ask to celebrate with DH at a later date.
My husband tested positive. I did not.
Possible Drama is for a short time. Possible Death is forever.
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He is a grown man. Let him tell his mother ha went to a casino for two days and let her decide if she still wants to have the party.

If you both were that worried about covid you wouldnt have gone to the casino in the first place since crowded places are a hot spot for getting sick. Now you are paranoid you have covid and don't want to go to the birthday party his mother is having for him. Though maybe the bigger question is why is she throwing a party for a grown man anyway? Sounds like communication between son and mom is pretty non existent.

Constantly testing yourself for covid is just out of control. Can you imagine if there were free tests for every sickness and disease out there? People would be testing 24/7.
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