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My brother is the same way. He does not help with anything. I have learned that you can't make them do the right thing. I am sure your brother, like mine, cannot face up to the reality of how our parents are.
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jackinohio Feb 2019
My Aunt in Chicago (my dad's sister) told me that she thinks when it comes to siblings and caregiving, that a lot of them refuse to accept just how bad the patient (parent) is, because if they do accept the reality, then they would feel guilty for not helping more. When she said that to me a few years ago, it was like a light went off in my mind. She nailed it. I think that both of my siblings actually think our mom will age and die like her mom, our Grandma did. Our Grandma lived to 92, died with Alzheimers and dementia. But her entire life she was very, very healthy, active and never smoked. My mom (her daughter) has 7 stents, smoked most of her life until 3 years ago, and has a million health issues. I truly think when she does die, it will be something quick, like a heart attack or something. And when I go to tell my siblings they will act completely shocked like, "how did this happen?". I know I will be devastated and heartbroken, but I will NOT be surprised.
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Look into respite care for Mom while you are on vacation. You can’t change your brother so try to focus your energy elsewhere. If you don’t want to ask your sister to come stay with mom, then respite care is an option. I hope you get to take that vacation soon! You deserve it!
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jackinohio Feb 2019
thank you, and I will look into that if it comes to it. When I took that vacation last year, it was so liberating. I went back to Northern California and for half of the trip, I rented a small RV and went up the coast, all alone. It was perfect. I honestly think it was the best vacation I ever took. A great deal of that had a lot to do with being able to relax and not worry about mom, because my sister was there looking after her. I am planning a similar one for later this year. I like to go when tourists are gone, very late in the season and just enjoy being alone and in nature.
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Unfortunately, in my experience, you can't. Either they will help or they won't. Like you my sibling that is on the other side of the country is the one that will help out. But he's on the other side of the country. Even with that he helps out more the few times a year when he's out here then my other sibling does that lives 45 minutes away. For that sibling, it's too far to drive.

Not to defend him, but a 1.2 million house in California is a fixer upper. In parts of California, making $100,000/year is considered low income. So it's all relative.
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Riverdale Jan 2019
In the area where I live in SC 1.2 is a teardown. I couldn't afford to buy there now. In NY where I am trying to sell my house which is a nice 4 bedroom on an acre won't likely bring that. Sorry to have gone off topic.
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