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Since my grandmother died on January 1 of this year, not much has changed in terms of how I've been feeling. I think I started to experience burnout before she died. Many of the activities I once enjoyed no longer piqued my attention. Being consistent lately has been quite difficult. There are times when I'd want to do nothing except stay in bed all day. I was fortunate to land a fantastic job in February, but these days it seems hard to go.
There is much more but I just wanted to know if anyone was experiencing something similar.



(a little note I was my grandmother's personal caregiver for 3 years. I started at the age of 20. I'm now 24)

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Petra, the fact that you've been wondering about your burnout/depression/lack of energy symptoms since March of '22 should be a wake-up call for you.

You are young and presumably healthy. But you've been feeling badly for a long time now. Please make an appointment to see your doctor and get a thorough checkup with blood work. Make sure that there isn't something physically amiss.

Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist for an equally thorough evaluation of your mental health. Be open to the idea that anti-depressants may do the trick in lifting your depression and getting you started down the road to recovering your joy in life.

You say in another post that you work because you need to help your parents. Don't get trapped into living ONLY to be of service to other. You also need to identify your own life goals and needs.
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Petrasmall12 Dec 2022
Thank you so much. I've been wanting to talk to my mom about this for a while but I don't think she would understand. Sometimes it makes her feel guilty when have to help as much as we do around the home. I don't want her to feel that way.

I've been feeling stuck. I will take your advice though to schedule an appointment. I haven't been consistent in checking in on my health.
Thank you again
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After nearly a year of no caregiving, you're likely experiencing depression now rather than burn out. When you stay in bed all day and have no interest in daily life, those are hallmark symptoms of depression. Please call your PCP for a consultation about your symptoms and a discussion about antidepressants and or therapy to recover from your loss.

We all need help sometimes when life gets hard. I myself did in 2000 and I waited too long to call my doctor, causing myself too much pain and anguish unnecessarily. Once I was prescribed an antidepressant, it was as if a switch was flipped inside me and the dark cloud started to lift rather quickly, thank God. I was able to wean off of the meds eventually too, so that was good, and everything worked out well. Medications serve a useful purpose for us when they're used as prescribed.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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It takes time and caregiving likely changes you in profound ways. I cared for my mom for four years, then she was placed in a facility for two years until her death five years ago, now. I still do not enjoy things I used to. My situation was such a dysfunctional family experience that I feel like I have some PTSD as a result. I now enjoy my own space, the lack of activity and just plain peacefulness of my life. I do what I want, when I want and don't have to answer to anyone, all of which is fine with me, but I am much older than you.I

It is great that you have found a good job! Do what you can to keep it. Have you gotten any grief counseling, that might help. Hospice organization offer free group therapy and most it doesn't matter whether you used their hospice services or not.
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Petrasmall12 Dec 2022
Thank you very much for your response. Some friends of mine have recommended counseling for a while now. I'm definitely considering it
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It sounds like you were very close to your grandmother. Certainly after being her caregiver for three years, it’s normal to experience some strong and difficult emotions. You’re no longer caring for your g’ma so it’s not burnout you’re experiencing but more like depression and grief. Experiencing grief is the result of losing a loved one and sometimes can cause depression. The two can exhibit similar symptoms and can co-exist, but depression is medically treatable, grief has to be worked thru. Your depression symptoms should be addressed immediately but grief may linger on. Grief should eventually subside and should completely wane after a while when it’s possible to accept the loss and move forward. But awhile could be several years. There is no definitive time when someone should resolve their grief, we’re all different. So speak to your dr. about your depression. Even after depression treatment the grief may not be resolved.

Complicated grief is when emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble recovering from the loss and resuming your own life. This could be 3 to 5 years after your loss. If that happens, and even before if you choose, grief counseling by a professional can help.
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A grief counselor told us it can take up to two years to fully process the death of a close relative/loved one, not that life stops but the adapting to the space in our lives now being 'empty.' Burnout, maybe, which sometimes is even grief that comes before the loved one's death; it's draining, sad, can even provoke anger on one level or another. Not wanting to get out of bed can be a sign of depression and it can also be taken as you need a lot of rest after stepping up for your loved one, kind of a 'let down' from being 'on' for so long. Let yourself rest; find a grief support group so you can witness the various forms of grief that people can experience; there is no one way or timeline for grief. And it tends to go in cycles: you feel 'better', then another spell of 'lost/loss' shows up: it's normal and natural. When significant family members pass away it is like needing to recalibrate our internal 'compasses' because those 'beacons' are no longer there and it takes time to adjust and develop new 'guideposts.' All the best.
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It takes time. Gradually you will build a new life for yourself. Don’t put deadlines on your recovery, just sleep if you need to, take vacations, etc. really good of you to care for your Grandma as you are young! The tools you leaned will stay with you for life, and the time spent will benefit you in many many ways throughout life. Kudos to you! Try to get some exercise in, even if just to stretch and walk. I’m 57 and got very burned out. I’m starting to rebound. I get the not wanting to do things. I’ve got musical instruments I have not picked up in awhile. You have youth in your side. God bless!
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You lost not just your grandmother- but also the way you lived life (3 years as a personal caregiver is a long time). You don’t just need to adjust to life without your grandmother but also a whole new schedule. Congrats on your new job, but you’re right. Change is hard. I love that the responses coming in suggest counseling - I think you’d really like it. And May I suggest you check with your own doctor about possible depression. They know the questions to ask to determine if it’s a concern. Just something to be handled short term - for long term happiness. It’s also always good to rule out other things … like a low B12, etc…. And don’t forget to eat right and exercise …. Take care of you. There’s no doubt a burnout aspect to it as you’ve put someone else’s needs above your own for three years. Honorably so. But now it’s time for taking care of you. Like they say on airplanes - put on your oxygen mask first. Being your healthy self makes you available for YOU and for whatever else comes into your life.
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You do need some counseling dear. Sounds like depression. There’s probably more, just like you said, to the picture. At a minimum, I suggest a caregiver support group face-to-face could be a good place to start. It’s free. You’re very young to have cared for your grandmother and her passing…that’s a lot to deal with. Once you start hearing other peoples stories you can begin to not feel so alone as you deal with the loss of your grandmother. And maybe the support group that deals with the death of a loved one too.

Anyway thank you for reaching out. it shows you care about yourself and that’s good that you’re not so numb as not to care. Your acknowledgment that something isn’t right is healthy. It’s love you have for yourself, like you would have for a friend if you saw them in this way. Good for you. Now step out some more. Keep reaching out and little by little it will get better. please. Big hugs.
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I lost mom in late August and then had heart surgery 2 weeks later.

Yes, the way you feel sounds more like depression. That's normal, but needs to be addressed. My psych doc found out mom had passed and he had me come in a little early for my 6 month checkup. He spent over an hour with me and I felt better after talking with him than I thought I would.

Grief will linger and it's always hardest around the holidays. I look forward to a new year of 'new hope' and taking care of myself.

You are young yet--please get some help. A year is too long to experience raw grief. There's phases of grieving and it's important that we go through each one, and not get stuck in any one of them.

((Hugs to you))
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It has been a year but you are telling us symptoms that sound like clinical depression. I experienced the same low energy symptoms after a brutal college semester many years ago. It took a little time to crawl out of it. Can you make an appointment and talk to your doctor about what you are telling us?
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