I have always managed stress well and take no medications to date. Overall I am healthy and exercise and have a spiritual life and support from family and friends. But I'm struggling to stay positive, focused and spend too much time crying. (I care for my spouse with leukemia, vascular dementia, wounds, etc). Just wondering if medication has helped anyone through this challenging time.
Try every means you can to support yourself as you support another. And know that the melding of being a CAREGIVER as well as a wife (or sister or daughter) is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. You are deserving of all the help that you can get. So while that Faith-based community helps support you I hope they also know how to make a good casserole, drive you to shopping, deliver a few sacks of groceries, drive you to appointments. Because THAT to my mind is real faith based work.
And please, oh please, cut down at the first sentence someone suggesting that you need to "let go and let god" or that you "don't have enough faith" or that "you must do positive thinking". THAT, my dear, is cruelty. THAT is making you a victim when you are ALREADY a victim. That is saying that you are responsible for this, and you ARE NOT. Any faith that would think any god would put this upon someone for the delight of it, or as some childish test of faith, is in thrall of a very nasty little god indeed.
That old trope of "God doesn't give us more that we can handle" is so cruel. Ya know, quite a few people then opt to check out of life permantly when too much is given to them as far as tough times 'n awful things happening or not feeling great mentally. Which apparantly is a Sin. But, then where are the helpers to provide aid, comfort and solace for those who are overwhelmed by rotten life events?
Caregiving is very, very hard. If people need help getting through it with prescribed medication(s) then why not? No medical professional that I know, is working 24/7 in their chosen field. They get days off. They go on vacations. They have a social life. Caregivers must have the same.
As I now deal with caring for my husband who ten years ago was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, once again I am using all the appropriate tools to care for myself as well. When I realized I could no longer do this 24/7, I brought in an outside caregiver. A year ago I made the difficult decision to move him to a small memory care facility. It’s for both of us.
There should be no shame in using all the “helps” available, including medications, no matter what loss we’re dealing with. Be kind to yourself.
What I can say, is caring for my my mom to the point of emotional and almost physical collapse should have stopped months ago. Everyone warned me and told me to take care of myself but I just kept pushing through. Now I am paying the price.
I recently started Zoloft (which I've taken in the past for depression) after my husband's post-surg internal bleed. My blood pressure blew up; my doctor started me on a second med to get it under better control and strongly suggested I think about my overall well being.
I don't think ADs mask symptoms. I think they increase the supply of brain chemicals that get severely depleted when we are living under stressful circumstances.
I was a homecare worker for 25 years. I was also one to my abusive mother until I walked away from that mess. So I know how miserable and maddening being a dementia and invalid caregiver can be. I also know what it's like to be in it 24/7.
You live with an alcoholic. My first husband was an alcoholic and we divorced for this reason. I think you probably don't want to live with it anymore. Anti-depressants won't help that.
Before you consider "meds" ask yourself a couple of honest questions. Such as:
-Would a change in environment improve how you feel? As in your husband getting placed?
-Would an active social life away from your home and husband improve how you feel?
-Would less responsibility being laid on your shoulders help?
If you answer 'yes' you don't need anti-depressants. You need to change your environment and remove your husband from it. Put him into managed care.
You can stillhelp and be an advocate to ensure he gets well taken care of. Only you will not have to literally bear the brunt of actually having to provide that care.
Please think about it. You deserve to have a life of your own.
Best of luck to you.
It just wasn't a good fit for me , but some it maybe
I have not tried any of the other ones, but I'm not against it, if I decide one day that I need help handling stress again. I don't like them but I'm glad they are there if the need arises
I'm from a suck it up buttercup, kind of family so I long hesitated to get the help I needed. Couldn't understand why I was struggling so much with something I was supposed to be glad to do. ( Not my idea, but other family members felt I should feel priveledged and grateful to be a caregiver)
Of course I loved my sweet mom, but she needed a lot even in independent and assisted living settings. I felt horribly guilty for being so resentful, then my husband developed multiple medical issues, our marriage started to unravel and it was an absolute poopstorm.
I felt passively suicidal at times. Mainly, just hoping I would not wake up and deal with another day but the thought of having my son have to pick up all the slack motivated my a** to get some help and fill the RX.
It did help me become a more stable, calmer caregiver and less of a crying, screaming banshee at times. I was able to calm down and get perspective on things.
I used to scream in my car driving home from my mom's place or some other myriad of appointment or errands. It helped a little but not as much as therapy and medicaiton. My vocal chords are happier about it.
My mom passed away in January of this year, I took care of her for 10 years and for now I am still on it as I am working my way through all the complicated grief.