I sent the following information to relevant parties, already having sent it to my father’s church pastor, therapist, and social worker at the Office of Veterans Affairs:

In late October/early November 2020, I was visiting my father at his two-story house when he told me, for the third time, he was still in the middle of repairing his roof and was doing the work himself. After we went into his house, I asked his wife, Mary, “Please, do not allow my father to go onto the roof.”

Mary responded, “If your father wants to go onto the roof, fall off and kill himself, I can’t stop him.” The next day, I called Adult Protective Services and filed a report of elder neglect and endangerment against her.

During the week of July 24, 2022, my father sent to me a photograph of himself standing in front of a very steep cliff in Carmel, California. I accidentally deleted the photograph from my phone, but while looking onto my father’s Facebook page, I found two (2) similarly-styled photographs, and after giving this some more thought can recall my father having sent to me many other similarly-stylized photographs of himself standing in what could have been considered dangerous, compromising positions.

In addition, my father once told me, when he was still considering buying a bigger truck, Mary said to him “Go ahead, you deserve it!” He then purchased a large Ford F-250 pickup truck, much too heavy for him to drive safely and effectively. I have driven with my father in his truck through mountainous terrain and other environments, observing his poor driving behaviors and believe them to be encouraged by his wife and are a danger to himself. My father has also mentioned to me he suffers from the early stages of a dementia-related disease.

I’ve begun contacting my father’s family members concerning these matters, and his cousin has already responded:

“I never did trust Mary. I find her to be insincere. I don't know why your dad got involved with her in the first place. Your dad fell in love with a big house. I wouldn't put anything past her. Wow, really!? Your dad has dementia? I find that hard to believe.

“Trying not to be so judgemental. Mary is the devil incarnate. There's nothing Christian about her. Your dad is to blind to see it!

My father’s niece has also responded:

“…I hope everything with your Dad gets better. Yes, and NOBODY from the family liked Mary, including Grandma and Grandpa. Remember when everyone would say ‘There's Something About Mary’?”

“Yeah, I agree and would imagine it's hard to deal with her, because she has a very big influence on your Dad. I remember, in the beginning, she could do no wrong in your Dad's eyes, unfortunately.😕”

My mother, who was married to my father for 18 years, believes Mary is trying to isolate my father away from his children and family, making it difficult for anyone to see him.

If necessary, there could very well easily be a Probate courtroom full of people able to testify against Mary, as most of my father’s family does not like nor trust her, and I am currently in the process of forming a list of potential witnesses.

Find Care & Housing
“Trying not to be so judgemental. Mary is the devil incarnate."

Blimey. If that's your family NOT being judgemental, I wonder what their inmost private thoughts about her are?

You don't state in your post or in your profile how old your father is, or what if any his medical conditions are. On the face of it, your father has a new girlfriend - but not that new, they've been together for at least two years - and you don't like her. You believe she eggs him on to irresponsible and reckless behaviour.

And what sort of legal action have you in mind? You seem to be looking forward to the day when your father is found dead at the foot of a cliff and Mary is convicted of his murder.

You're following him on Facebook. You're gathering witnesses. You're sending heaven knows what accusations out to his social network (and I hope you're quite careful about what you're saying, because if the two of them lose their sense of humour about this, as evidenced by their sending you the cliff-top image, you could be defending yourself in a suit for defamation).

Wouldn't it be better to talk to your father openly about your fears for him?
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Countrymouse

WatchfulEye, I hope you realize that in some relationships the wife has no say in what the husband wants to do. When Mary said “If your father wants to go onto the roof, fall off and kill himself, I can’t stop him.” is point in case.

You are blaming the wrong person. It's your father who wants to do these things and no one is going to tell him not to.

The family being against Mary reminds me of my Uncle's wife, none of my Uncle's sisters [including my Mom] liked her. They were overly protected of their only brother. No matter what she did, the sisters gossiped to no end. It was just so unfair to my Uncle's wife.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to freqflyer
JeanLouise Aug 12, 2022
Absolute 100% spot on. Ganging up on wife#2 will only make a hostility worse. Sounds awful for Dad and his wife
Do you know how far a "courtroom full of people" who don't like Mary will get you?


You've produced zero evidence that she's done anything wrong and a ton of evidence that you hate her and are obsessed with driving her away. That doesn't make her look bad, but you -- not so good.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to MJ1929

I don’t know how old your dad is… but in my honest opinion, you are the one who needs help. This is unhealthy.

I have a SIL , WHO IS CONSTANTLY LOOKING TO REPORT HER BROTHER. Even to the tune of reporting because mom in memory care does not have music package on cable.

get counseling
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to babsjvd
cignal Aug 12, 2022
Troll post, don't you think?

I am reporting my post so the admins check it out.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
gladimhere Aug 12, 2022
Very likely.
Wow. Sounds like some healthy boundaries would help. You clearly do not like dad’s wife. Fact is he married her. You cannot live other people’s lives for them. Meddling and rallying family gossip is toxic. Hopefully some time and distance will calm the family discord.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JeanLouise

Not an expert here, not a lawyer.
But to answer your question: "Do I have a case for legal action?"

Yes, I think you do have a case, but unfortunately, the case will be against you.
As the defendant, you will be providing all the evidence for the prosecution ahead of time. imo.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sendhelp

I am with Freqflyer here. “If your father wants to go onto the roof, fall off and kill himself, I can’t stop him.”

I would bet your Dad is very stubborn. Women that are married to these types of men get to the point its just easier to let them have their way. I live with one.

The average cost of a Ford F-250 pickup truck is 50k. I would think if she wanted his money, she'd be keeping him from buying large ticketed items.

I don't think you will get anywhere. All the judge will see is a bunch of people that don't like Mary. Doesn't mean she doesn't care for your Dad. You would have to prove she is abusing him. Letting him do what he wants is not abuse.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

A case for what? Elder abuse? Neglect? Are you his DPoA? Is anyone?

As long as your father is healthy and no one is illegally draining his bank account and he doesn't have a medical diagnosis of cognitive incapacity, I don't think you have a case for anything.

He mentioned he has the beginnings of dementia? Did you ask him if he has an actual medical diagnosis? The beginning of dementia is very mild and often imperceptible, so one can still be quite functional and independent. Those who think Mary is the "devil incarnate" should be the ones to provide care for your Dad once his alleged dementia gets bad enough to warrant caregivers. THEN you may learn that Mary was probably more like an angel for putting up with him.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777

What friends and family do when someone is about to drive unsafe, is refuse to get in the truck with them, and strongly advise they do not drive.

Or, they can offer to drive.

Is your Dad a senior?

I say these things only to give the OP a chance, because I do agree with Barb and Glad....a troll. It sounds too crazy to be true, in so many ways.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sendhelp

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter