Dad passed a little over a year ago. My siblings descended. One helped a little bit. the other 3 not at all. The ones who stayed her and in a hotel near here went to dinner every night all together. never invited me or any of my family. of course noone invited my mom which she could not have gone anyway as she got diarrhea the night he passed and it lasted a week! she was SO sick!
so - i have less than no interest in repeating that scenario when mom passes. i want to have a service with my kids when I am ready. (we cremate so time is not an issue) that may be awhile before i am ready to say goodbye.
i have no interest in doing a service "because i should" and even less incentive to do it for my terrible brothers and sisters!
am i off the ranch here?
Therefore, when Mom passes, I too plan to have my own quick, private service with family and close church friends.....and while I cannot exclude them from coming to memorialize their mother....my family and close church friends already know the situation and we plan to honor Mom in a quiet, fun way at Mom's fave restaurant!! My siblings can do whatever, at their own expense, and time, I do NOT care to be a part of their drama and will be long gone on a cruise somewhere!!!
Your sibs can certainly have a private service for themselves, or a public service if they want to organize it. That is their call.
And you can hold a memorial service whenever you are ready. You don't need the approval of your sibs.
My father did have any kind of service when his mother passed. I know that he was following her wishes. But even fifty years later I feel kind of bad that there was no kind of acknowledgement of her life. I was young and inexperienced with such things at the time -- had only ever been to funerals and never a memorial service -- but if it had come later in my life I would have organized a very simple low-key service for her.
I understand where you are coming from, I think. But don't cut off your nose to spite your face. I hope you will at least have a service for your immediate family and your mother's friends to celebrate her life.
My mother was a devout Catholic who told me she wanted a mass of Christian burial to be officiated by a Catholic priest followed by a traditional internment.
I knew that no family members would show up or even cared. But I wanted nothing more than to fulfill my mother's final wishes. None of this mattered to me. I carried out what my mother wanted. I could do nothing less after all she did for me.
My advice: do what your mom would have wanted. You will always regret it if you don't.
My mom passed in June after living in AL with dementia for 2 years. My two sisters chose not to be involved. At all. No help transitioning her from her home to AL. No phone calls, visits, nothing. Not even when I let them know the end was near. Mom always said, and urban written in her will, that she didn't want a servuce. She knew that I hate then and didn't want to put me through it with my nightmarish sisters. I am so grateful I didn't have to deal with any of it. I had her cremated (as she wanted) and I have her with me in a beautiful wooden urn. Do what feels right. You don't owe anyone anything.
This whole caregiving experience hardens us all...
I often think about what I will"not" do for my Mom's service..Screw my no show siblings...
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