Am I forgetting anything? Today I signed my will, my DPOA, my medical POA, my living will. I visited the grave site and picked up a map showing where my grave site is and address and contact number.
Per my son's request, I'm also doing a list of all my passwords, address of my bank, all the people who will need to be notified when I die. What kind of funeral I want.
Am I forgetting anything? I don't plan on leaving this earth for another 20 years or so (I'm 73) but after being on this group I realize I need to have my ducks in a row.
I am 72, close in age to you whaleyf, and I hope to live a long life too. You did your son a big favor by discussing the inevitable with him and doing all you have already done.
My mother's documents were created in 2006. The new elder law attorney I hired in 2018 said the documents didn't contain everything he would like and that updated documents would have been better. Anyway we are working with the 2006 documents.
From my experience with my mom and her 2006 documents, here is what I would suggest. Either you or your son should call your doctors, hospitals, banks, mortgage companies, credit card companies, insurances including health insurance, investment companies, annuity and/or Certificate of Deposit companies, pension companies, and any other companies that your son might have to deal with on your behalf if you were deemed incapacitated or if you died. Don't forget Social Security. Ask them how to get your son recognized and authorized as your DPOA within their company.
Each company has a different procedure but for most of them I had to send in a copy (usually fax or postal mail) of the DPOA document and a letter from me requesting that I be recognized and authorized as DPOA for my mother within the individual company. The company's legal department then basically checks out the DPOA to make sure it is valid and enters it into the company's computer system.
This next part is really important: MAKE SURE THE COMPANY SENDS YOU A LETTER STATING THAT THEIR COMPANY RECOGNIZES AND AUTHORIZES YOUR SON AS YOUR DPOA AND CAN SPEAK TO AND DEAL WITH THEIR COMPANY ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BUSINESS MATTERS WITH THAT COMPANY. In most companies, that letter took them about 2 weeks to send to me.
Now I keep copies of mother's DPOA document, doctor's statement of incapacity, and the letters from the different companies together in a small portable binder. It makes it easier for me to see at a glance if I have already contacted a company.
Here's something else I learned. One annuity company wouldn't speak to me over the phone because they said the DPOA I had sent them was more than 5 years old and they considered it expired. They sent me an affidavit to complete stating that the DPOA was still current. I had to have it notarized and fax it back to them. They refused to talk with me until that affidavit was returned. Not a difficult task but it added a couple of more weeks to getting paperwork I needed quickly.
One of mom's banks, required a copy of her revocable trust document or they wouldn't talk to me about any bank asset listed in the trust even though I had a valid DPOA. They said the DPOA didn't include anything in the trust (again, I was working with 2006 trust and DPOA documents). They wanted my mother to sign a document stating that I could deal with her assets listed in her trust. Since she was legally incapacitated by that time, I made an appointment for both mom and myself with her long-time lawyer. The lawyer created one document in which mom resigned (quit) as Trustee of the Trust and another document naming me as the new Trustee of the Trust. It worked.
Four practical tips: 1. Banks used to send any fax free for you if you were their customer. Now they have some pretty strict limitations. My bank still provided free notary services since my mother and I are their customers. 2. The public library in my town had the lowest prices for faxing documents. 3. When you call a company that you already have a letter from, tell the customer service rep up front that you have that letter. 4. If you are calling a company on your cell phone, have the phone plugged in because you can wait a long time. Murphy's law says (and I can attest to this) that your unplugged phone charge will die as soon as you start to talk to the customer service that you waited so long for.
Onward!
Funny side note... as I mentioned in an answer above... I am really slow at unpacking. A major change of apartment buildings in October left my spare bedroom with boxes all over the place. (I even had a problem getting the door open) Anyway, a dear friend of mine from my old apartment complex ended up with bed bugs. I had been over there a lot sitting on her bug invested couch. That really lit a fire under me and I started to spring clean my apartment like mad. I even went to our apartment manager and asked them to inspect my place for bugs. They were happy to do it. No bugs and my friend's place has finally been declared bug free. She may have tracked some into my car (I always give her rides to the doctor) but it's been so hot (can't even touch the steering wheel) that if I did have bugs they died. Life is just one adventure after another around here. :-)
Funny side note... as I mentioned in an answer above... I am really slow at unpacking. A major change of apartment buildings in October left my spare bedroom with boxes all over the place. (I even had a problem getting the door open) Anyway, a dear friend of mine from my old apartment complex ended up with bed bugs. I had been over there a lot sitting on her bug invested couch. That really lit a fire under me and I started to spring clean my apartment like mad. I even went to our apartment manager and asked them to inspect my place for bugs. They were happy to do it. No bugs and my friend's place has finally been declared bug free. She may have tracked some into my car (I always give her rides to the doctore) but it's been so hot (can't even touch the steering wheel) that if I did have bugs they died. Life is just one adventure after another around here. :-)
By now you probably know that I am a proud Canadian & you may not be so lucky so check what is needed in the place you vote in as this can vary greatly depending on the local laws - good luck
Do you have a P.O.L.S.T? A P.O.L.S.T. is more detailed than a DNR it lists what treatments you wish and how involved they can be and for what length of time. Either of the documents can be changed at any time. So now you feel like you will not leave this earth for another 20 years but your feelings might change if something happens. If your feelings change the document can be changed, just have another signed and void the previous one. Keep in mind a DNR nor a POLST exist unless you have it with you so if you are in an accident and your documents are hanging on the refrigerator back home the First Responders will do what they can to save you, that is their job. So always keep a copy of the DNR or POLST with you.
Also pre plan and pre pay for that funeral. That way "grieving family members" are less likely to be talked into something more elaborate out of guilt , or going for the cardboard box so they can keep all the millions you leave behind ;)
You might also consider an advance directive for dementia if you prefer to not suffer a prolonged death from dementia, which can take years and years. Current thinking is that putting in your advance directive that should xxx occur in your dementia you wish food and water to be withheld. The important part is to state that you prohibit spoon feeding. It would take a strong patient advocate to pull this off, but most likely it would never happen if not written down.
Don't put the documents aside for 20 years and forget them; they need to be reviewed occasionally. It seems like the POLSTs and advance directives for dementia are evolving.
https://smile.amazon.com/Get-Together-Organize-Records-Family/dp/1413323154/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534340394&sr=8-1&keywords=nolo+get+it+together
- bank accounts all done POD to your son
- also Look to see if the burial policy also covers all the costs related to the funeral services. I’ll bet some things are not included, like florals and police escort.
If funeral home is on site of the where cemeteries is, it probably is a tandem policy so covers both. But if cemetery’s is its own entity it will have its own costs. Where you really see this is Catholic or Jewish cemeteries which are owned by thier religious institution.... they will have fees for everything on thier grounds, like opening site or vault. Yet the FH will have all their own fees from picking up the body, prepping it, viewing/rosary at the FH and getting casket and entourage to the cemeteries. So you need both a FH & burial pre-need policies.
Also if this is a traditional funeral / burial, do a list of pallbearers. And give some thought as to allowing your family to change the plan done today in the future and having that ability to change in your documents. Things change. You could live to be a nonagenarian and Sonny now 20+ years later lives states away and everybody on the pallbearer list is too old, dead or physically unable to be a pallbearer....
You should make sure all important papers are where they can be found easily. Your birth certificate, marriage certificate, copies of SS, license, Medicaid and insurance cards. Any insurance policies, bonds, IRAs, CDs, and stocks. It makes things so much easier for family.
About quarterly, she gave me a copy of her monthly “ledger” showing all her bills and payments. This also helped me spot when she started to miss payments due to the beginning of her decline.
Every so often she would ask me to critique her driving.
She would copy me on life insurance, SS and pension letters she’d receive.
She would copy her completed tax filing forms for me, until the point I started filing for her myself.
She added me to her checking and savings accounts.
I was on all her doctors Hippa forms.
I had a list of all her meds and dosing in my cell phone notes. You have no idea how helpful that was during ER visits.
I was her POA before she sold her house and moved to IL apartment.
She kept tremendous records and about 50 years of receipts which were kind of fun to look through. But what I couldn’t find during the Medicaid application process was her marriage license and divorce decree. It really slowed the process. That was Not fun. So make sure they are in with your important papers, if applicable. Moms never turned up.
I'd also get instructions for what to do for your son, so he knows the right order and how to respond. And, provide Life Insurance info, policies, premiums, etc., so that son can pay if you become incapacitated.
AND, I'd sign some Medical Release consent forms that are HIPAA compliant. It's difficult to get medical records without a signed release. The attorney should have them.
I was able to get all this done free of charge. I'm a veteren and once in a great while, if your income is low enough, the legal people will come in and do it for you. I'm so happy to finally get it done and taken care of. My mother and her mother and aunts all ended up with dementia. So I knew not to wait.
Double check all the beneficiaries listed on your retirement and insurance accounts.
If you can, consolidate your investments into one firm. Many of my friends have had a terrible time tracking down their parents' investments from multiple money management firms.
Visit an estate planning attorney for a free consultation. Many of them have booklets or pamphlets to guide you.
You are doing your son a big favor!
Based on the experiences many of the caregivers here share, I hope your family understands the importance of your willingness to have your ducks in a row. I've included a link to an article that details some of the specifics regarding leaving a letter of instruction. Enjoy your next "20 years or so" with great peace of mind.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/preparing-a-letter-of-instruction-427686.htm