Do I push mom to be more active in AL, especially when I’m gone 10 days visiting grandchildren?

Sounds like my plan as well, I have spent my entire life being bugged by others...time to relax!

Amen sister.

Preach it sister! I agree 100% with what you've said.

I would just let your mother do what she wants. I had my husband in 1/2 day day care at least once a week, sometimes twice a week for almost a year. That left me to go to the ladies luncheon once a month, do some shopping without him getting lost in the supermarket or dept store, while I could try on clothes, etc. And, just getting out of the house. We had long term care insurance, and I was able to get reimbursed for his care as well as for some of the activities that were charged $$. People with dementia were in this "class". The lady who led the program for the morning or afternoon, used my husband to set up chairs, hand out papers or crayons, clear off the tables, etc. That is simple work, not demanding, but getting the patient involved. When he went on to assisted living, the caregivers had patients go to a room to watch movies, do some coloring, do some simple games, sing, etc. I would visit in between the times he was occupied with the "group" and caregivers. I did not hang around 8 hours to "be with him". I did not hang around 4 hours either. He would just pester me to go home. But he didn't know what or where home was. He tried to get out a nearby door, but alas, it was permanently locked. I did find him in another person's bed once; and someone in his room, as well. The caregivers at the facility took care of that, and guided these people back to their own room. My husband had a private room. Talk with the asst manager on how things operate at the facility, what they expect the family to do, what they will have the patient do, how they will handle things. How the patient gets to the dining room, or is food just brought to the room (kind of lonely, eating alone!!). In my husband's facility, they had a long table in a large room, and meals were served there, with all the patients able to leave their bed ate there, socializing, and maybe even watching a movie. I did not participate in this kind activity, the facility did not want me there. Having the family there when they are trying to help you get the patient acclimated to facility care, only hurts the issue. It was hard leaving my husband there, but he was not safe at home and had to be in a facility to be safe, locked doors, not crossing highways against the light, walking blocks and I didn't know which way he went, working on his car to try to start it and messing things up. That only made me limited in what I could do for food shopping, paying bills, etc. And, in the meantime, he got to socialize a little, despite not liking being among people, and not around me. Too bad, he needed to get away from me, as much as i needed my free time to get my hair done, shop, pay bills, without having him with me, maybe getting lost when I turned my head or looked in my purse. My husband was safe, and I felt good about having a little free time. Safe is the key word here!!!