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Call your local area agency on aging or the state ombudsman services for resource help.It sounds like she lives with you as well. Find another place for her to live and then take her there. She may also need to be evaluated for a mental health petition if she becomes threatening. You sound like you are at the end of your rope! Do NOT let this go on for your sake!!
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My mother is the same way. It is very interesting that NPD's will be lucid when it's convenient and not when it isn't. OK. So she has some dementia. I bet she still drives herself around and goes out for fun, i.e., a luncheon on the day of the funeral!? My mother told EVERYBODY on my dad's 80th birthday a few years back that 'when Daddy dies, I am going to get married again to someone who wears the same size pants and I am getting a big dog". She thinks she is hysterically funny. I wasn't even invited but it was a huge, engraved invitation affair. Catered. She and my sister, who is as bad as she is, planned it. I was left out because both of them were mad at me after an ill fated move to my city and state for same sister. I helped her get her kids enrolled in school, helped her husband find a job after unemployment for two years, even put them all up for over a month. My sister griped so much about living away from what she was used to that she drove her weak husband crazy enough, taking time off work to have weekend (Friday-Monday) getaways, more vacation time than he had coming, all to ameliorate my sister's whining, that he lost his job. I knew what happened and on top of it, she went back home, lived with my parents for several months and left her husband down here to clean up the mess by handling the move, etc. She told lies about how years ago she gave me thousands of dollars in an effort to basically say 'yes, she helped me, but I have given her all this money previously so I HELPED HER TOO'. This I found out from a sister in law who heard it all and told me. I was DONE with all the drama and BS, had been told that this party was a surprise and then found out my dad knew all about it. They are dysfunctional, mean nut jobs and my husband told them to lose our number. Thank God! You can only cater to this kind of crazy for so long and then ask yourself are you helping or enabling. If you mother didn't get another meal or food from you she would have to figure it out. FORCED TO. Get her out of your house if she's in to and stay away from her. Let her fall through a few cracks and only help her IF she comes to you with an apology (I am betting against that because NPD's never do it) and asks for your help. ONLY THEN will you have her ear enough to put down some rules. You cannot force her to listen to you but you can opt out. Do not say there is some reason you can't. We all become part of the sickness of NPD, they are masters at acting helping while they are manipulating. She will say awful things about you. She will retaliate. You have to develop a tough skin. There are women's shelters and there are Medicaid covered long term care facilities. Save yourself now.
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