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I would gladly let my sisters take POA. It is taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I keep reminding myself that I have to do what is best for my dad and his property
I don't want to make all these decisions but I have to account to DHS and the VA. I don't seem to have a life of my own. On top of all this I am also legal guardian of a "special needs" sister. I understand what you are going through
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Being the POA doesn't obligate you to be the caregiver. If caregiving is now a burden, use mom's money for respite care or in home health aides. Don't understand why POA responsibility seems all encompassing.
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Back to the first post on this thread: No, BarbBrooklyn, yours is not the only family with decent dynamics and trust among siblings. I think that is probably true of most families. (I'm an optimist.) But the people who participate in discussion boards like AC are less likely to be among the most. This is a wonderful place to vent, to share troubles, and to interact with people who understand. It attracts people who have issues to work out, and often those issues involve family. So while this thread demonstrates how very common dysfunctional families are (at least among siblings), I don't think it is a cross section of the population.

We certainly knew there would be no inheritance. I wonder if that is a factor in how sibs interact?
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Well written, Jeanne. I agree with you.
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I agree with okhoneybee.

If it's possible to spend mom's money on her care then that is the best way to go. I cared for mom long distance for several years and for 2 years in my home. There are expenses I will never get reimbursed for (not that I care). Now mom is in memory care and receiving hospice care for cancer. I know I can no longer care for her. I was told in December she had a few months and she is still here.

The sibling who hasn't seem mom in over 30 years, will probably try to sue me when there is no inheritance. I keep every receipt and am very honest with her money. If you spend mom's money on her care - you are doing the right thing. You may want to consider that when things get worse, or you feel you just can't do it anymore.

I agree with the others, no amount of inheritance is worth giving up years of your life to care for someone. 
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Wow. I do this as a last favor for my parent, knowing that I am the responsible one and it gives him peace of mind. It's a burden - yes - but there are many people who have taken on other burdens of family as life throws curve balls to all of us. I also have siblings who seem to be able to enjoy life in a way I can't right now and I am jealous. But my efforts are directed at continuously giving them opportunities to get involved in the care-giving process and minimizing their expectations of an inheritance. I can't control them; I can only control my own feelings and responses, so I am very matter-of-fact in my dealings with them. In my mind, I will disconnect my phone and move away eventually without leaving a forwarding address.
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I know exactly what you are going through. My siblings seem to think I'm squandering money when I haven't spent a cent more than I have needed to for their care. I've offered to show bank statements and receipts but no one seems to want to see them. (My sister is actually the one making accusations). I now think she would rather complain than to know all is in perfect order. Keep your head up. You and I will have no regrets, and they will. My sis has even made my stepdad believe (with dementia) that he no longer owns his house, even though I provided all necessary paperwork.
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It does not matter who your parents gave the trust to for their end of life decisions; they gave you life and if you are now in a position to complain, they must have done something right; my mom chose to sign her entire estate over to my brother and his wife, they chose to then claim all her personal effects for themselves and their children upon her death, yes it was hard to swallow, but it never kept me from doing all I was physically and financially able to do for my Mom; when she died I had NO REGRETS, THEY very last time I visited her she told me she loved me, my husband and my children and she would see us soon, I knew when I walked away from her bed it would be the last time for us, and that memory is all I need!!!!!!No regrets, good memory!!!GREAT HOPE to see her again, she had the faith that we would meet again one day and that means all the world to me. Praying for everyone of you who are hurting will find peace.
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I expect the damage is even greater when they are made co-POAs. I've decided that the best way to proceed is to have a professional be the POA for finances. My daughter is a nurse and will be POA for health care, but seeing the two of them fight over their father's (my ex) nursing home and sitters, as well as the sale of his house, has convinced me that a disinterested party will be worth the costs, and my children agree on that, at least! I wish they got along better, but they are 7 years apart and have never been close.
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