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What type of negative feelings? Like, the sibling is telling Mom that she shouldn't be there? Trying to override decisions that you have made? Telling Mom that you are wrong?
Are you POA? Is the Nurse and/or staff telling you that sibling's visits are upsetting to Mom and that they have problems with Mom after sibling leaves. If so, then your POA gives you the authority , in Moms best interest, to ban that sibling from the building.
This is a common topic on the forum, siblings being banned from seeing a parent because of POA abusing their authority. Sometimes just for spite. This I do not agree with, but when a child continues to upset a person suffering from Dementia by being negative, this is abuse. And you as the POA have every right to ban that person. The Facility has a right to ban that person especially if POA OKs the ban.
Maybe you can ask the Nurse to talk to this sibling. Explaining they are doing more damage than good. I would also tell that sibling, that if they feel they can do a better job then they are welcome to remove Mom from the AL and care for her themselves. But to remember, you as POA hold the financial strings. Mom is not competent to assign a new POA and you are not resigning. If that is not an option for them, then to stop with the negativity or you are banning them from seeing Mom in her best interest.
The goal is to keep a dementia patient calm & happy at all costs. If the elder is being exposed to someone who is expressing negative feelings, that will likely make the elder feel upset and anxiety ridden herself. This sibling should not be 'sharing negative feelings' in front of their parent who is suffering from dementia, that's for sure! That's just common sense. I don't know of an article that discusses such a thing, but perhaps you can get the doctor to speak to your sibling about what NOT to do with your parent!
The Alzheimer's Association has put out an article about caregiver grief/emotions and what it looks like. Here is a link to it:
Good points, Lea. Excessive negativity will start to grate on everyone’s nerves, especially someone with dementia.
Everyone does handle grief differently. It may be worth a shot to try and meet this person where they are in a non threatening way, to explain how upsetting their behavior is for a person with dementia.
In some cases, people truly don’t realize what they are doing and how it effects others. They are too wrapped up in their own emotions, so they don’t see the impact that it has on others.
Great idea of having someone neutral speak to them, such as the doctor. It could be in a group setting and spoken about generally, if they fear the person will feel singled out, or done privately if they feel that is best.
It will help them, by showing them better ways to express their grief, and where it won’t be counterproductive in regard to caring for a family member with dementia.
Are you specifically asking this question in regard to your mom having dementia or in general of how sibling conflicts/negativity effects a parent? Personally, I feel not having harmony in relationships effects everyone involved. Negativity drains all of us. Can you meet with a therapist to discuss the situation? They may be able to offer coping skills on how to deal with this situation.
We don’t have any power to change anyone else’s behavior. We can change our reaction to it. We can limit our exposure to negativity or go ‘no contact’ if necessary.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Are you POA? Is the Nurse and/or staff telling you that sibling's visits are upsetting to Mom and that they have problems with Mom after sibling leaves. If so, then your POA gives you the authority , in Moms best interest, to ban that sibling from the building.
This is a common topic on the forum, siblings being banned from seeing a parent because of POA abusing their authority. Sometimes just for spite. This I do not agree with, but when a child continues to upset a person suffering from Dementia by being negative, this is abuse. And you as the POA have every right to ban that person. The Facility has a right to ban that person especially if POA OKs the ban.
Maybe you can ask the Nurse to talk to this sibling. Explaining they are doing more damage than good. I would also tell that sibling, that if they feel they can do a better job then they are welcome to remove Mom from the AL and care for her themselves. But to remember, you as POA hold the financial strings. Mom is not competent to assign a new POA and you are not resigning. If that is not an option for them, then to stop with the negativity or you are banning them from seeing Mom in her best interest.
The Alzheimer's Association has put out an article about caregiver grief/emotions and what it looks like. Here is a link to it:
https://www.alz.org/media/documents/alzheimers-dementia-caregiver-emotions-ts.pdf
We all handle grief differently; could it be that your sibling is processing their grief in front of your parent and that is what you are witnessing?
Wishing you the best of luck with a tough situation.
Everyone does handle grief differently. It may be worth a shot to try and meet this person where they are in a non threatening way, to explain how upsetting their behavior is for a person with dementia.
In some cases, people truly don’t realize what they are doing and how it effects others. They are too wrapped up in their own emotions, so they don’t see the impact that it has on others.
Great idea of having someone neutral speak to them, such as the doctor. It could be in a group setting and spoken about generally, if they fear the person will feel singled out, or done privately if they feel that is best.
It will help them, by showing them better ways to express their grief, and where it won’t be counterproductive in regard to caring for a family member with dementia.
We don’t have any power to change anyone else’s behavior. We can change our reaction to it. We can limit our exposure to negativity or go ‘no contact’ if necessary.