Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
It's important for you to research ways for your mother to go where she wants to go, whether that's senior transportation, a cab or a bus. She needs her independence. You or another family member should also try to offer transportation. Maybe, if several of you are available, you can split it up.
One of the reasons that elders resist giving up the keys is that the very idea of not driving is so limiting. Help your mother find alternative transportation so that she's not isolated.
Then, contact your department of motor vehicles (DMV) and tell them what the doctor said. Ask them if they can demand a driving test for her. She may decide then not to bother with the test or she may take it and fail. Either way, it's likely her license won't be renewed.
Giving up driving is very hard on aging adults. It’s emotional and somewhat humiliating. Don’t expect this to be easy, but try to make it as smooth as possible.
This a hard one since it means another slice of independence is taken away. After a few fender benders, my siblings and I decided to have his doctor broach the subject. He then, was the "bad guy." But he explained the situation in such a manner that dad accepted it, especially asking him how he would feel if someone was injured or even killed. What would happen if dad got hurt? Lastly, the financial implications of a lawsuit by the party he injured or the family of the deceased? That's what made him realize he had to turn over the keys. Having the doctor tell your mom will take the burden of guilt off of you, and she may be more accepting. Best of luck!
When my mother-in-law was told by her doctor that he didn't think it was a good idea that she drive anymore because of macular degeneration, she told me "he tore up my drivers license RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE!" Of course when I pressed for more info, she finally admitted that he hadn't exactly TORE up the license, but to her it was the same thing. So I'd blame it on the doctor all the way, tell her how sorry you are and if there was anything you could do to change that stinkin' doctor's mind, you would. But since you can't, you're just going to have to succumb to dr's wishes and take the keys. Lament with her, because I know it was awful for my mother-in-law to stop driving after she and my father-in-law went every year in their motor home across the U.S. with her driving 85% of the time. It's a terrible loss, gotta tell ya.
We would hide the keys. Often, YOU have to make the decision for them because they don't realize the danger that they pose to others on the road. After many arguments, we took the keys and sold the car. We have never beenf forgiven by my dad but that's ok. I keep thinking that we saved a life with this decision.
We quietly removed the car to another location, and later collected the other keys when she was not looking. She was mad as a hornet, but we did not give in. Took another 4 months to get her to sign the title.
Sometimes people take the battery out of the car or something like that... Then when you go to the car with her, and it won't start, that buys time. Also, every day can bring a new opportunity to say, well, the Dr said so anyway. Maybe this is God's way of keeping "us" safe... and so on. "Why not just go with me, until your car gets fixed." and all that stuff. But yeah, Usually they Listen to the Dr, not to their kids. With us, they're used to being the boss, telling Us what to do. It's hard for them that the tables are turned. Hang in there, it's harder for men, I believe than for women, to give up the keys
I just started driving her on her usual expeditions. She never questioned it. She was 84 and told me twice that I could go left on red....so that was the end of her driving. I took her to the library twice a week where she volunteered for the next 2 years. I bought her groceries. She's 90 now...I'm still driving her, but mostly she stays home and I bring her whatever she needs. Funny thing, I took her to the DMV to get an ID card and they wanted her birth certificate, and other documentation...so I got online and renewed her license. I just put it in my purse in case I needed it. It is expired now, and we just leave it at that!
My Dad stopped driving after he twice ran the car into the curb damaging the tires due to his failing eyesight.
Any time he starts talking about wanting to drive again, I do what 58yroldchild had said above, asked Dad what would happen if he was in a car accident where someone was seriously injured... and they sued him for all his net worth. The fear of losing his home/pension was enough to keep him out from behind the driver's seat.
I really wish my parents could drive because now I am their only driver, and I have to take time off from work and driving them to all their doctor appointments, driving them to the grocery store weekly, to hair cuts and barbers, to the hardware store, to other stores, to the CPA, the list goes on and on.
It's become exhausting for me as I am also a senior citizen, and I find the older I get the more I'm becoming uncomfortable driving. Thus, I'm a nervous wreck by the time I get my parents to where they want to be, and have told my Dad that. But Dad still thinks I am that 16 year old girl who was all excited about learning how to drive... [sigh].
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
One of the reasons that elders resist giving up the keys is that the very idea of not driving is so limiting. Help your mother find alternative transportation so that she's not isolated.
Then, contact your department of motor vehicles (DMV) and tell them what the doctor said. Ask them if they can demand a driving test for her. She may decide then not to bother with the test or she may take it and fail. Either way, it's likely her license won't be renewed.
Giving up driving is very hard on aging adults. It’s emotional and somewhat humiliating. Don’t expect this to be easy, but try to make it as smooth as possible.
Good luck,
Carol
"Why not just go with me, until your car gets fixed." and all that stuff. But yeah, Usually they Listen to the Dr, not to their kids. With us, they're used to being the boss, telling Us what to do. It's hard for them that the tables are turned.
Hang in there, it's harder for men, I believe than for women, to give up the keys
Any time he starts talking about wanting to drive again, I do what 58yroldchild had said above, asked Dad what would happen if he was in a car accident where someone was seriously injured... and they sued him for all his net worth. The fear of losing his home/pension was enough to keep him out from behind the driver's seat.
I really wish my parents could drive because now I am their only driver, and I have to take time off from work and driving them to all their doctor appointments, driving them to the grocery store weekly, to hair cuts and barbers, to the hardware store, to other stores, to the CPA, the list goes on and on.
It's become exhausting for me as I am also a senior citizen, and I find the older I get the more I'm becoming uncomfortable driving. Thus, I'm a nervous wreck by the time I get my parents to where they want to be, and have told my Dad that. But Dad still thinks I am that 16 year old girl who was all excited about learning how to drive... [sigh].
See All Answers