Doctors are burning me out.
I am the caregiver for both my parents. My Dad is 94. Barely able to walk, incontinent, unable to cook for himself or care for himself. Mom was his caregiver for years, but she has had a stroke. I left my job/apartment in N. Carolina to come to Colorado to be the caregiver for Mom. I only learned just how bad it is with Dad after getting here. So..my problems now is that the doctors have such a "don't care, they are too old to bother with any way" attitude. I looked at trying to get new primary care for them..but..no one is accepting new Medicare patients. For example, Mom has new heart condition, and it seems like she is exhibiting new serious problems almost weekly. Now she isn't sleeping through the night besides. She is up 6 to 8 times a night. No one is sleeping because of this. She is a fall risk, so I have to get up with her. The noise she makes wakes everyone. The doctors just "poo poo" this off. She cannot stay awake during the day. She falls asleep during meals, during therapy sessions, etc. I am walking around half dead most days now too. dad is cranky by nature anyway...now he is impossible to be around. What do I do? How do I get a doctor to deal with this..now. Not next month, not in a few weeks if she doesn't improve. This is critical now. I need sleep badly!
This is Not Your Fault. It is not a deficiency in you. It is about the nature of their impairments. The broken sleep/wake cycle is particularly difficult for one person to deal with.
Finding new doctors may be a great improvement. But no matter how wonderful the doctors are, one person can still not provide around-the-clock care in a private home for two people on different schedules.
Finances may strongly influence whether to try to bring in enough help into the home or to find suitable care in a facility. But you really can't do this alone.
Your parents are so lucky you have come to them and can help them get the care they need.
You don't think you'll be able to find suitable work in CO. Have you considered moving your parents to a care center in NC so you can resume your work and visit them and advocate for them?
What your parents want and what they can afford are two different things. Alas, that is not at all uncommon! You need to help them come up with some viable solutions.
And, of course, you don't want to be in this situation when you are 90, so it is important that you build up your SS record and continue saving for your own care. No matter how generous your instincts, you do need to look after yourself.
If you do consider moving them to NC, do so before you need to start the Medicaid application process. Although it is a federal program, it is run by states and the approval does not transfer between states.
So...new sleep med. AND, we added medical marijuanna to the list. Everyone is sleeping again! Yea!
Having a decent night sleep is working wonders around here.
Having a doctor actually listen and offer help makes a whole world of difference
If you get some free time [??] go visit the continuing care facilities in your area so you can see for yourself. Some are set up like hotels tastefully decorated. Others more like a hospital environment. Your parents could possibly share a room.
You will eventually crash and burn from all the work, as you are doing the work of six caregivers, each working an 8 hour shift, but you don't get to go home at the end of your shift to relax and get a good night rest.
As for doctors, once a person reaches a certain age, there isn't a lot that can be done except to make the person comfortable. My Mom lived to be 98 and it was a serious fall that took her at my parents house.... and Dad will be 95 and he's happy as a clam now living in Assisted Living where he feels very safe, he hated the house in his later years but Mom refused to move, refused to allow in caregivers, and refused to allow in cleaning people. Because of their refusals, I was only the errand person and their wheels, but after 7 years I became physically/mentally exhausted. My parents would have outlived me if I was hands-on 24 hours a day.
I'm sorry you're going through this - one elderly parent is too much to handle alone and you have two at a time
Not knowing what your parents' financial situation is try contacting your local area on aging to do a needs assessment for care - you need help - both custodial care and perhaps home health care - a visiting nurse or nurse practitioner and there are doctors who will take on new Medicare patients
Do you have a senior center in your city for referrals or a hospital with a senior care network ?
If they have "too much" income and/or assets to be eligible for financial help, can they use those funds to supplement the 8 hours from their insurance?
Please don't put all your hope in finding a new doctor. That might be a good thing, but it really isn't going to remove the need for more care than you can humanly provide.
Even my Dad went out for a walk. I think Mom going motivated him. He is much, much slower....we didn't get past the end of the driveway...but it is more than he has done in months!
Everyone ate well. everyone slept well. Dad didn't even complain about the oxygen.
Having doctors that listen and help makes all the difference.
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