My 98 year old mother gave me Medical Power of Attorney in April of this year. In July another person had her give him MPOA without telling me. 12 days later my mother's doctor found that my mother was no longer capable of making financial or medical decisions. I was not told about this until 4 days after the doctor made the determination.
Now your case looks to be a bit more complicated, you aren’t working together well but since it doesn’t sound like anyone is claiming your MPOA has no standing and your sister only has control through someone else (how old is he and might he have cognitive issues making him more pliable) you should be able to still insert yourself at least into her medical care and my guess is this outside person won’t fight it too hard as long as mom is being cared for. I would contact all moms doctors/medical providers immediately and make it clear that you want to be consulted and notified of anything, you are still very involved. It’s fine of course to include this other MPOA but you need to be their first call, I’m assuming they know you or at least of you since you have been this point person longer. They may have been told or are under the impression you are taking a step back in favor of this guy (and your sister and niece who only get communication legally because you or this other guy allow it). Not saying that right, I do think your sister at least should be able to communicate with and get updates on medical stuff but you are the family member who’s the legal extension and holds the strings it shouldn’t be too hard to make the point that this non family member came along later...to the doctors I mean, unfortunately I don’t think kind of situation is totally foreign to providers who work with the elderly.
Yes, it may be time for a guardian to be appointed. However, that guardian is likely to be the child who is "there", who is currently supplying hands on care with her daughter. The DPOA who "has become a friend" of the sister? I am uncertain if this mystery person could be a Fiduciary? As a "party without personal interest" that's just my guess. Why not ask Sister who he is and what his role is exactly, and how he came to be in this role?
I am assuming--hoping--guessing that your and your sister's relationship is not already so completely adversarial that you are unable to speak with one another?
In any case, do see the lawyer. BUT be forewarned:
IF the relationship between you and your Sister has been historically a troubled one (and the thing about arguing over a supplement which likely neither harmed nor helped, does make me think that there has been an ongoing troubled relationship here) then going to court is going to be a misery. For
EVERYONE, but I suspect especially for you, with likely outcome being loss of money and loss of your case.
If you are applying for guardianship then do know that you are going in against a sister who. with her child is currently doing the monumental task of direct caregiving of an impaired (?) adult. The court will almost certainly look upon them as the preferred caregivers unless some nefarious activity is proven.
IF you bring suit and LOSE you will be paying court costs, perhaps for both of you. And if the case becomes very contentious, then you are looking at removal of the senior from the care of EITHER or BOTH of you, and a State Guardian with a fiduciary appointed.
From personal experience having a friend who is a Licensed Fiduciary often appointed in these cases (who cannot even publish where he lives because of families and their threats against him) where families are removed from the care of their seniors I can tell you it is not unusual that appointment of the State happens. You and your Sister will then have ZERO say in anything financial or medical from that day on. I could tell you stories!
So...... great care needs to be taken here. We have caught up pretty well I think on your version of all this. We are missing the version your sister might tell. For myself, siblings who squabble at the end of life of a senior are about bad as it gets. UNLESS there is some abuse.
I can only say you should consult an expert (read, Lawyer), understand fully what you stand to lose in terms of money and in terms of "winning" full guardianship, and what that mean in terms of care and record keeping.
Think it through. For myself I would be offering Sister any help I could give her, thank her for attempting with her child to care for Mom, and step away if I could not get along, visiting Mom as frequently as I am able to relieve my mind that she is getting decent care ongoing.
I am wishing you luck and hoping you keep us posted.
I was not told about the POA and MPOA and discovered them after my father died over three years ago. My parents named each other, but this man was named in case either of them could not perform the duty. I saw the man's name on the POA but failed to notice it on the MPOA. I admit that I should have been more thorough.
Long before my father died there was a split in his church. As a result of this split, my father wanted to name a new person to be his PR. My father wrote the change to his will but never got around to giving it to his estate lawyer. I have a copy of what he wrote in his handwriting.
There are many issues that I don’t want to go into. These difficulties have been going on for over five years. I have a good idea of what my parents originally wanted, but my father died over three years ago and my mother no longer has the excellent memory that she once had. My parents thought that my sister would try to get more than her fair share of their estate, but they did not predict that she would also want to second guess every doctor of theirs and try to control every aspect of their health care from an unscientific point of view.
My parents never predicted that my niece would move into their house and become the dictator that she is now. I’m sure they never imagined that this man that my father once trusted would favor my sister and niece’s interests over everyone else. My parents’ grandchildren are not mentioned at all in their wills.
I have made an appointment to discuss these matters with a lawyer, so I think I will take a break from this forum for now.
Thank you for your comments.
Depending on your state requirements, the fact that the husband didn't consign, and agree to the appointment, might in and of itself invalidate his appointment.
Do you know who drafted this second document?
It is a bit confusing; I can understand how it's difficult to determine what happened. Just quickly reading through your very helpful explanation, I couldn't help thinking "exploitation" by these other people.
I'm with Alva; I think it might be appropriate to get an elder law attorney involved before the situation becomes more complicated, or financial abuse begins.
One of my main problems has been with my sister. She has interfered with my parents’ care for over five years and she is not someone who is willing to compromise. My sister has not had any medical training that I know about, but she has acted as though she knows more about health issues than any practicing physician or nurse. Her medical opinions come from answers she finds on internet searches and she tends to favor ideas that are outside the established practice of medicine. She has argued with my brother and me about the benefits of a pill that is unregulated and that she obtains from the Home Shopping Network. An earlier doctor who saw my mother told us that these pills and other unregulated supplements had no medical value. From research that I have done, I agree with the doctor, although I think there may be some other supplements that may help, such as glucosamine chondroitin and fish oil. My doctor recommended fish oil to me and blood test results seem to show that it has worked to reduce my bad cholesterol.
My sister is very good at manipulating people, although I have learned to not let her manipulate me. She has become a friend of the man with the POA and MPOA and he seems to act in accordance with her wishes most of the time, although he falsely claims to be even-handed. From my understanding, merely being given POA does not entitle a person to control other people’s lives. The man with the POA’s acts as though he is now in charge of my family, although he seems to be taking orders from my sister and now also from my niece.
My sister told us that she and her adult daughter planned to visit my mother in early June. They told us they planned to stay for at least two weeks. We wanted to know how much longer they planned to stay, but she would not answer us until days after two weeks had elapsed. My sister then told my wife that she and her daughter would stay until they were satisfied with my mother’s caregiving arrangements. My sister has moved back to her home state, at least for a while, and her daughter is living at my mother’s house and has taken charge of everything in the house. The man with the POA’s has hired full-time caregiving help, so my niece doesn’t really have to do anything while staying at my mother’s.
Lawyers and others have told me that I need to have my mother examined again so that a guardian and conservator can be appointed. I am nervous about doing this, because so far nearly everything I’ve tried has worked against me. I don’t want my sister, niece or the man with the POA’s to become guardians or conservators and I don’t really want that responsibility myself, since I live about 63 miles away from my mother.
I don’t know anything about a consent to act. The man who now has the MPOA knew what he was doing when he obtained it. My sister must have told him that I had MPOA and they secretly arranged to give it to this man. I believe some exploitation is occurring, but so far the county agency that I reported it to does not agree and is siding with my sister, based on falsehoods that she has told the agency.
I don't know who drafted the second document.
1. The other person was a friend of my father's from his church. I did not know of any relation to my mother's life before I met him shortly before my father died in 2017. He is not related to our family. I did not know about any powers of attorney assigned by my parents until after my father died in 2017. They gave financial and medical powers of attorney to each other and listed this man as a successor. I noticed that my father's friend was listed as a successor for the financial POA but I failed to notice that he was also listed as a successor on the MPOA. A while ago my father's friend claimed that he did not know that he had either POA and my wife and I informed that he held the financial POA, although we had failed to notice that he had also been named as a successor on the MPOA.
I do not think my mother was coerced, although I was not present. In her recent state of mind it is very easy to get her to agree to things and obtain her signature. The circumstances are unclear to me because they were hidden from me.
2. In Colorado it is not necessary for witnesses to be present when a MPOA is signed. There was one witness, a man I never heard of before, who lives not far from my mother. My father's friend's wife was present and she signed the MPOA as the successor. My sister and niece were also present. The document was notarized, although that was not necessary according to Colorado law.
3. I am a signer on my mother’s checking account and I saw a check to a notary that had been paid by that account on an online statement. I called my mother to ask her if she remembered paying a notary, but she could not remember five days after signing the check. My niece has moved into my mother’s house. When I asked my niece if she knew what the notary was paid for, she told me she knew but would not tell me. She had me phone my sister, who was now in Michigan. My sister replied by sending me a very angry email and did not answer my question. After repeated questioning, the holder of the POA’s told my wife what the document was and later emailed a photo of the MPOA. I don’t know whether any other action occurred at my mother’s house on that day, since I was not present.
4. I don’t know the circumstances of how the doctor made the determination. I was kept in the dark. The man with MPOA told me about the doctor’s determination days later.
5. I don’t know what decisions might have been made by the “usurper.” My sister, my niece, and this man are being very secretive. Recently, however, my wife and I were at my mother’s during a telephone appointment with the doctor. My niece talked to the doctor while my mother slept. The man with MPOA was sitting in the same room but didn’t pay attention to what the doctor or my niece said.
I am planning to consult a lawyer.
But you definitely need a Lawyer just to comb out what is happening. It sounds as though changes are being made and it is difficult to know now if your Sister is in charge of EVERYTHING. If she is, and got from a doctor that the mother cannot act in her own behalf, it sounds as though she is making moves to be the be all and end all, MPOA, POA for financial, possibly has changed wills and become executor.
I don't think, in most states, that you will even have any rights to find anything OUT. For instance, I can change my will, trust, MPOA and financial tomorrow. I need not tell anyone but my POA that I have done so nor does my POA have to tell anyone.
It sounds as though you siblings are estranged? That will make end of life quite difficult for you, for your Mom, for other family members. This is almost always tragic. If it comes to this you are best to walk away from it all, and simply hope you can visit with your mother until she passes. Those people who are PRESENT in the Senior's life will almost always be the ones who will "win" in any court action.
Because it is curious that only 12 days later an MD said she cannot now make any changes at all.
I think you suspect something is afoot? Can you give us more information?
I haven't done EP work since I retired though, so perhaps laws have changed.
1. Who is the other person, what's his relation and role in your mother's life, and how did he have "her give him MPOA"? Was she coerced? What were the circumstances?
2. Who were the witnesses and to whom did she deliver the original and copies? Was the document properly witnessed and notarized?
3. How did you find out?
Basically any POA document should state that the previous document, dated such and such, is "hereby revoked and replaced by the instant document", or something of that nature.
Your profile doesn't indicate the state in which this occurred, so do some research just to learn more. Find out if your state specifically requires a retraction or severance of authority under any previous POA, DPOA or MPOA. If so, the subsequent one is invalid on its face. If not, you might need to consult an elder law attorney.
4. The doctor who determined inability to make decisions: was he asked to do so pursuant to the second document, and/or how did he discover and make this conclusion? Who told you? What other people are involved?
Has he/she addressed any decisions your mother made 12 days earlier, including the creation of a new document?
5. Were any decisions in fact made by the potential usurper of power?