Does anyone else feel guilty for feeling bitter?

Are you supposed to be dancing a jig every day that you're now saddled with an elder who's depressed & bringing YOU down as a result? That's comparable to being thankful for having a festering sore that's causing you anguish every day and feeling guilty for saying it hurts! Give yourself a break; you're entitled to feel bitter and resentful, in SPITE of having chosen to have your father live with you. We all make mistakes, too, since we're human. Why not look into alternate living arrangements for dad now, like Assisted Living for instance? God may have plans for your father, but they don't include living in YOUR home and causing YOU to be depressed as a result. He can live elsewhere and have autonomy in his own place, while you have a life of your own, go visit him, and become the daughter again instead of the bitter & burned out caregiver.

Think about it. You didn't make a decision that's set in stone for life! Everything is subject to change, including dad's living arrangements.

Good luck!

He lost his wife, got sick right afterward, and probably wishes he could have died then or will die soon. It’s not an uncommon reaction, really.

However, regardless of reasons, do not let him descend further into Senior Brat behaviors, like insulting you, ordering you around, disrupting your plans or playing the tyrant to test your love.

I am emotionally where you are, I think. I have my 95 year old mother who has turned in a negative lady and takes everything so personal. I try and not talk to her except for short answers because it always starts a fight.

I am very bitter and feel slightly guilty.. I keep telling myself it is due to age..and she is miserable.. hell I am miserable..

While a job isn't the same as caregiving, even a job we love can turn into something that drains us. Caring for others, especially as you see them go downhill and maybe turn into a person you don't like much, is a huge drain on our internal resources.

If I ever felt "guilty for feeling bitter," as you put it, I don't recall. I recall feeling bitter. I recall feeling guilty.

It's hard, if not impossible, to not feel one, the other, or both. It's natural, comes with the territory.

You did what you felt was right. If you decide at some point to place him b/c the stress is taking too much of a toll, I'd bet you'd feel guilty about that, too. Also natural.

"...he is a person for heaven's sake...." and we all know people can be a PITA, even our LOs, and we all know caregiver's are humans and subject to real, undesirable yet understandable reactions and feelings.

You are expounding your natural feelings by questioning them, by wondering what kind of person this makes you. Try to give yourself a break.

Concentrate on all you've done, all you're doing, These are good things, compassionate and caring things.

Again, there is nothing wrong, should the time come, to admit your mental and emotional health is in jeopardy, and other arrangements need to be made. You will be less of the caregiver you desire to be if you are not healthy. We can't take care of others, even those in AL or NH, if we aren't taking care of own basic needs.

Hugs.

Can you perhaps also remind yourself that being human you may not have made the best choice in having him live with you and your husband and it is *fine* to explore alternatives?

You can be grateful that somebody did not die before his time and still find his care more than you are able to manage in your own home, you know.