My mother and I have had a tarnished relationship since she left my house last year. (Please read my previous posts for full story) My role within my family dynamics has been the scapegoat since my father has died. My sister and her will team up and say horrible things about my husband and I. I’ve basically stopped all contact with my sister to stop the toxic behavior.
My mother enjoys posting on Facebook and pressing the like button on pictures. Since my falling out she hasn’t liked any of my pics. I plan on posting pics of my daughter for her 11th birthday. If she doesn’t comment I may say something to her. I find it awful that she will turn against me and not even share joy for me. She doesn’t want my sister seeing her affection to me in any way. How would you handle this?
Your first mistake (IMO) was that she lived with you. 1 week over the holiday, mine stayed with us. She dug through all of my drawers, "repossessed" and literally stole items from me without apology.
She's spent the last 3 weeks, complaining to family about her visit and she tells me she can't wait to come back again (never!)
She stalks Facebook. I left it 6 months ago and it drives her crazy. May I suggest the same or simply "unfriending" her?
One thing I have learned is she can't be fixed because she thinks she is normal. Any descent by her family/friends is met with full on rage.
The relationship you desire, deep in your soul, like friends have with their mothers is not possible. It's taken a long time for me to accept that. My adult children have nothing to do with her, because they saw what I refused to see.
I hope this helps and I give you a big hug. Only the children of narcissim will understand.
https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock
There are many daughters of narcissistic moms here. There is actually a site solely dedicated to that.
https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/
We CRAVE love and affection and acceptance. Some of us just never get it. We need to be loved and accepted without condition, that's our basic animal nature. And many of us don't have that.
I've always maintained that if you have one person you KNOW loves you without condition, you are lucky. If you have 2 or more, you are blessed beyond measure.
And that unconditional love does not have to come from family.
I blocked my toxic MIL from being my FB 'friend' and so I do not see her posts or anything. I have no idea what she posts. In this case, ignorance is bliss.
And fighting on FB is very immature and childish. If I could magically undo ONE thing I have done in life it would be to go back and NOT set up a FB acct for my DH. He has ruined so many good friendships over stupid, snarky things he says. People have actually asked me if he's getting senile. Nope, he's just being him with no filter. Not attractive.
I imagine I'm in the minority here, but I'm a HUGE South Park fan, and they've done EPIC stories about the pitfalls of social media, specifically Facebook.
I really never did understand why one would get involved with Facebook, when you can accomplish any communication you might desire - including sharing of pictures - with people you know through regular, old e-mail. I just don't want my personal business put out onto a social media sight that has been proven in the past to leak private information of its members for monetary gain, and then claim it was either an "accident", or it never really happened in the first place.
Just inform both you mother and sister that there will no contact until they apologize for thier imature behaviour.
Toxic men and women will poison your soul if you let them. Just as you would not drink cyanide because it is bad for your body niether should you not allow toxic creatures to poison your heart.
Honestly, you should stop being friends with her on FB, you are giving her a direct line to continue hurting your heart. Who gives a crap if she gets to see and comment on your life and family? She doesn't deserve to screw with another generation, your children don't deserve to be dissed by a narc granny.
Your mom, nor your sister has the emotional connection that you desire available to give. It may appear mom loves sister more, because you are the decided target. I promise you, if you step away and stop being their chew toy, they will start chewing on one another.
Your children deserve the best you possible. So start today by wiping these toxic people out of your head. You will get stronger as you detox and your family will benefit from your strength.
If mom calls crying and laying a guilt trip, use her actions against her drama. Well mom, you never seem to like them, so I figured it was best to stop taking your time. End of discussion.
I would recommend doing some research to see why you give mom so much head space and opportunity to stomp your heart. Because YOU can put an end to it. She never will, it works to well for her. Oh, be prepared for drama, tears, guilt, blame, shame, attacks personal, private and public when you stand up and say enough. That will push her to new heights trying to get you back under control. It is okay to hang up, walk away and to tell her no more. You are an adult, no longer under her authority.
Best of luck! It is not easy but, it is most rewarding when you stop looking to a narc for something they can't provide.
Oh, and I fully support other's suggestions here of quitting Facebook. Again, no need to be part of the Narcisisstic dance-why bother?
I would suggest that you don’t even make posts on Facebook for a few months and see how that feels. I am guessing you would feel better, since that’s true for most people. Maybe don’t even open Facebook for several weeks and see what happens!
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