I guess any job that's 24/7 365 gets old and frustrating. I think the key is breaks. Doing things for yourself? But what if there are very few breaks and there's no time for yourself bc you struggle to keep everything going. Then one day you look in the mirror and you feel like you've aged. I sat for weeks in the hospital with my mom and basically sat and ate and sat and ate hospital food. I realized one day I couldn't go to the bathroom anymore. Took me 7 months to fix that health problem. Does anyone ever wonder what will be left of you when caregiving services are over? Its hard some days not to be resentful or angry or sad and crying. Every emotion I've been thru. Lately im a mess. Needing to find a job, but needed too much to be able to work. Work would be a break. A place to talk to other adults outside my small little world revolved around someone else's needs always. Does anyone feel this way? Do you feel guilty or is this normal to extreme caregiving?
YOU MUST STOP going down this path. Your mother is slowly killing you while she's alive. After she dies, she will still continue killing you from the grave, because after she's gone, you will be lost, no job, no money, and not knowing what to do with yourself and your future. The longer you are out of the work force, the harder it will be to find a job.
If you continue to let your mother run the show - a’la “she’s not agreeable” and live to fulfill a promise you are ill equipped- thru no fault of your own - to keep, you’re going to wind up in the grave before your mother will.
Time for you to take a step back and make some realistic assessments of what you can do - without sacrificing your own health. Both mental and physical.
Amen to that!!! I wish someone had been able to get that through to me early on. Knowing and respecting that it does unfold in its own way and there are many aspects you just cannot control would have been helpful. Planning was one of my "go to" coping techniques - if I had a plan in place for every little thing - I just felt better. Well needless to say - things rarely go according to plan. Control what you can - which is mostly yourself, your ways of coping - sometimes stepping outside your comfort zone - if needed - for help..... I make plans with a friend for dinner (for example) and then it would take every ounce of strength and then some to actually go, but I was always thankful afterwards. Buckling down and doing necessary legal paperwork was the biggest drag - but totally worth it when done.
I miss mom but not the agony. I won’t be around my toxic brother just to see my mom. Not doing it.
My mom got the majority of my life being a wonderful daughter to her. Now I am going to be wonderful for me, myself and I!
I am the only daughter. I was expected to do it all. This was hard as I am married and was raising my own children. Even after my children left home it was still very hard. It is too much for one person to do everything without conflict. It’s simply exhausting!
Too much togetherness causes an issue. They still view us as their child who should obey them. They are often set in their ways and aren’t willing to make adjustments. They become more and more dependent on us.
You’re not alone. All caregivers experience these things. I’m sorry things are difficult for you. I understand how it is. Been there, done that.
My relationship became complicated with my mom. She is no longer in my home.
I wish you well. Vent anytime.
Sending a bazillion hugs your way!
You tube has tens of thousands of sermons, self help videos, all of our happy songs are on there, books, movies etc. all for free- make a pair of ear buds one of your favorite things.
Psychologically I think it even helps us In blocking out the bad and feeding ourselves only the good. Streamlined right in to our ears and mind.
“When i tell him he needed help that i can't do it all day, he said he doesn't need me or any help...yet he calls me 15 times a day for this or that.” ... I have learned to set boundaries.. I don’t go to my mom’s at the drop of a hat, actually I drop by every other day or often 3 days .. I also have her over Sunday’s for dinner. I get her to her app’ts & keep control & track of her $ to pay her bills etc .. as POA. I was warned when I got mom moved close to me to NOT go over every day, to NOT be at her beck/call .. it becomes expected —
again, the saying “we teach people how to treat us”
You are doing lots right, you have help hour him... take time with your family & esp. dear grandchild ... we never know how long our health will last ourselves.
all the best - you’re doing awesome - scale back & KNOW you are meant to live your life as well & not be sucked in yo the vortex of your dad’s world ❣️💗
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