My mother, who is now aged ninety-three, was diagnosed with dementia about two years ago. At the time, her circumstances were such that her social worker and clinician thought it best for her to enter a care home for her own safety. So, in Jan of 2022 she entered a local care home and was put under a DOLS order. The DOLs order that is in-force means that she is now Deprived Of her Liberty and so is kept locked inside the care home for her own well-being.
According to the care home staff who look after my mother, this DOLS order also applies to her room too; only, in this case, the door can't be locked. Apparently, this is because in the event of a fire at night they need to get all 'service users' out of their rooms quickly- understandable you may think! However, to the care staff, this also means that the door of her personal room must be kept permanently unlocked at all times during the day and night, which, at first sight might appear to be the opposite of deprivation of liberty but rather instead giving ‘liberty to all’ service users to go in and out of my mum’s room as they please- and that’s just what they do. According to the staff, my mother spends most if not all her time after breakfast until 6pm in the lounge area away from her room. And, all during that time her door, along with others it must be said, are left open and often wide open. As a result, items of value have 'disappeared' from my mother's room some of which were quite expensive. So far there have been a number of items taken from mum’s room, these include: two bottles of scent worth £18 each, a small clock of sentimental value, two TV remote controls, a vase of flowers, shoes, clothes, and other assorted things. When speaking to the staff about these items being stolen from my mother's room they prefer to say that the items are 'mis-placed' rather than stolen, as stolen appears to be too strong a word to use about sufferers of dementia. However, 'stolen' or 'mis-placed' it's all having an adverse impact on my mother's well-being and stay at home that does not appear to be being taken seriously enough by the staff. I understand that the staff must abide by the DOLs order that is in force but surely the application of the DOLs order to her room is the very opposite of confining; it's quite literally giving legitimacy to a 'free for all' for any service user to come in and out of my mother’s room with without restraint all because they suffer from dementia.
There is a difference between 'the spirit of the law', and 'the letter of the law', and it world appear that the staff prefer to abide by the letter of the law, which in their view means keeping the door of her room unlocked 24/7 even when she is not inside the room.
My mother enjoys watching the soaps and has a small TV in her room. During this last Christmas period: Dec. 2022 - Jan 2023 I was very ill and when I later visited my mother, someone had, stolen my mother's remote control so that she was then unable to watch TV in the privacy of her own room all over that Christmas period. In effect, my mother was deprived of her liberty because of the selfishness of another service user- allegedly. All request of the staff to hunt and find the remote control were ignored as . “. . .service users have rights!”, but what about my mother’s rights! Consequently, I have had to purchase three remote controls in the last year. If this were you or me we would have a right to protest and so why should my mother with dementia be expect to accept less?
In the absence of any lack of control to stop service users entering my mother’s room then the outcome can only be unwanted chaos. One suggestion is to lock the door during the day when she is in the lounge area and open it again at 7pm when they she goes to her room. It is an insult to the intelligence to suggest that a door has to remain open when there is clearly nobody inside.
In Assisted livings and Memory care rooms can usually be locked. My Mom spent most of her time in the Common area of her AL. One thing I knew not to do was take anything of value with Mom. Its not the staff stealing, its the residents that have Dementia.
Long-term Nursing homes do leave doors unlocked because there are 2 to a room and sometimes 4. There really is not much room for personal belongings.
When Mom entered LTC, I took pictures of everything even her glasses. The staff made sure her name was put in all her clothing. For some reason her one nighty always disappeared but the laundress found it from my photo.
With a written request, there is more chance of their keeping a record and of passing it on if a new manager appears. However, don't let it go that long. In your request, specify a date by which you expect to have the materials. If you want to be very conciliatory, you could ask that the manager let you know if the time frame is too tight--I think 2 weeks from the receipt of your letter should be enough.
I don't know about circumstances in the UK, which I'm guessing is where you live from your currency designation, but in the U.S., that rapidity of manager turnover would be a little concerning; keep an eye on it. It's difficult to have good continuity of care in this situation, even if the written policies don't change much. I understand that the move of your mother to the current facility was especially problematic because of COVID. For the future, I hope you'll insist on participating in the entire placement process if you decide to make a move--and I'm sure that's what you plan, also. Good luck!
I agree with lost & stolen items often being 'misplaced' in strange loctions. The families with misplaced expensive hearing aides! In a tissue in the bin, in a serviette on the dinner tray being very common locations.
I do feel sad that nice clothes & perfume goes missing 🙁. The things you thought would add nice touches for your Mother. It's not what you expected or she deserves.
I did similar.. and also learnt to provide basic level items or they walked.
She has a right to enjoy her belongings. What furniture does she have in her room? Is there space for any more? I'm wondering if you might get permission for her to have a display cabinet or something like that where she could keep items visible but secure.
The trouble with things like remote controls is that they really do get misplaced, as well as appropriated by others, and it is almost impossible to be certain of what became of them. Have you tried labelling hers with nail varnish or Tipp-Ex? - or even fixing a lanyard to one so that it's physically attached to her tv?
They won't lock the door. Not least because that would mean locking her out of her room during the day, which would complicate the current DOL authorisation enormously.
Were you asking them to search through other residents' possessions? I can imagine they wouldn't be very keen on that. It isn't just the possibility of making an individual feel under accusation, it's the stress of there being a search on at all - the residents would pick up on the vibe very quickly, and you'd potentially have two dozen people either terrified that they were going to be sent to jail or equally terrified that robbers would come in the night.
Do bear in mind, and please don't take offence, that the control unit's going missing does not necessarily mean that someone else took it. Dressing gown pockets, laundry baskets, microwaves, handbags, bedside tables, waste paper baskets, breakfast trays and pillow cases have all been considered "safe" places to keep them in my experience. And those are just the ones we found.
The Deprivation of Liberty order applies specifically to an agreement that it is in your mother's best interests for her liberty to be restricted, as minimally as possible, in order to safeguard her wellbeing. There are other regulations - dozens if not hundreds of them - that are aimed at protecting her many other rights; which include the right to live with dignity and security and be protected from abuse. Regularly being upset because her personal possessions go missing when her back is turned is not acceptable. Her care home must (by law) have a formal complaints procedure - use it.
I would bet your mom's clothes haven't been stolen but were mixed up in the laundry. My mother frequently would be wearing other people's clothes, because the owners didn't have their names in them, and the laundry staff probably figured an item looked like my mother's things. (I assume all of your mothers clothing items have her names sewn into them?)
As for the valuables, she simply cannot have them there. You simply cannot have them in a facility and expect them not to go missing. It could be other residents or staff taking them -- you just can't know for sure.
there’s no question that that is distressing to all, but it's the reality of institutional living. If your mother wants her perfume, then you’re going to have to bring it on the days you visit. You can’t have anything that could be easily hidden away if you don’t want things to disappear. Unfortunately, that’s just a fact of life.
I am surprised, in fact flummoxed that it was not explained to you that items of value CANNOT be left in such a place. My brother had to sign on the dotted line in his ALF (let alone MC circumstances) that his items of value could not be kept in his room without risk/understanding of said risk by him and by me, his POA, of it simply going lost. That's just a fact. There is no way around it. Remove all items of value that you cannot see lost. Someday perhaps there will be cameras everywhere and enough monitors to watch them. That isn't now.
Not everything can be fixed. Not everything can be made perfect. This is but one of many many losses for your poor Mom that you have no control over, and if you continue to drive yourself and the staff loopy with trying to "fix" what cannot be fixed it will do no one any good.
This is what elder care is today. My own brother, from his ALF was a bit of a philosopher in his old age. "I don't much like it, but it's like when I was young and in the army; I make the best of it" AND "You know, hon, it's like the communes of our youth. Always a bicker. In the common room the TV is too loud for Ed and too soft for Marie. And Myra wants the shade up so she can sketch which means NO ONE can see the TV. Community meetings on Thursday are a hoot".
You might as well make the best of it that you can. Unless you keep your Mom at home you are no longer in control. Sorry. I truly am, but you aren't in control of most of this.
My very best out to you.
Speak to the administration but plan to move mum bc things aren't bound to get better from here. Sad but true. And I recommend rigging the tv remote up to a cord which attaches to mums easy chair. My mother herself lost her own remote multiple x per day until we attached it to her chair.
Good luck.