Dreading calling your loved one in an assisted living facility?

Every day I dread calling my mother in Memory Care. I actually make the sign of the cross before dialing. The past week, however, she's been in a very good and LUCID mood, which is highly odd, given the situation and given that she's been incoherent and miserable for a month or two prior. So I'll take what I can get! Every Monday we have a video call which I also dread because she 'can't hear' me, for some reason, no matter how loud I speak, yell or scream. So I particularly dislike 3:30 pm on Mondays. As much as I dislike the ordeal of speaking with her, I don't feel guilty about anything, I should add. What's to feel guilty about? I can't possibly care for her in my home, she's wheelchair bound and has about 10 other health issues including incontinence which make it impossible for her to live with me (even if I were agreeable to it, which I'm not). So she has her life and I have mine, which is as it should be, in my opinion. I do everything I can for her, and that's enough. For some reason, many of us think it's a 'requirement' to have elders live in our homes but I'm here to tell you it ISN'T. It's ok for everyone to have separate homes and separate lives; it's actually as it should be.

Let go of the guilt and realize/accept that you too are doing all you can do here.
Best of luck!

I realize this is very hard for you. But you have not caused the problems that led up to your Aunt being where she is or at this time. Your Uncle died, her son cannot not take care of her. You found her a nice AL miles from where you live.

I would call. Maybe just let her talk and you just go along with what she says. There comes a time they make no sense and trying to carry on a conversation is hard. My daughter would just go "really, that is nice, I know what u mean" my Moms face would light up when she came into the room. Someone who talked to her. Me not so much. I would try to answer what she said and she would be onto the next thing.

xray - I understand how you feel. My mom has Alz, so spending time with her is not something I am crazy about especially she keeps repeating things over and over...

It is hard for your aunt to be kept isolated with no visitor which caused her mental condition to worsen. Please keep in mind, these things that are happening are not within your control, so you should not feel guilty. Stress and worries will not be good for your current health issue. Please take care of yourself.