My 84 year old mother blacked out at the wheel and crashed through my neighborhood fence. No one was hurt but she has now gone out and bought a new Mercedes so she can drive again. I am so against this and not sure what to do or say.
Report her to the DMV and her doctor and request that her license be taken away as she is not only a danger to herself but to others as well. Next time she's not going to be so lucky and innocent people that were at the wrong place at the wrong time are the ones that are going to suffer and possibly even be killed. Do whatever you have to to stop this from happening.
Hello, sorry to hear this happened to you mom. It's obviously very dangerous and I feel your concern for your mom and others.
I think firstly you need to get her checked properly, to find the underlying cause of the blackouts.
Are you able to talk to her and tell her if she continues to drive, you will inform the DMV? inform the DMV, tell them, your mom is not fit to drive and you are worried about her and other people getting hurt.
It's going to be far worse if she injures herself or someone else or does something even worse I dread to think it.
Maybe you can compromise and say stop for a the short-term and if she is ok after 6 months with no further blackouts, with doctors sign-off, then she can try again for only short trips.
It's seems urgent to take action, before she hurts herself or others.
Why did mom black out? Normally, in such a case, the person is medically PROHIBITED from driving for a 6 month period. My nephew blacked out last summer at a festival, was taken to the hospital where he was diagnosed as having had a seizure due to dehydration, which automatically carries with it a 6 month driving prohibition.
If your mother is going against a medical directive and driving unsafely, I'd DISABLE her new car if I were you. Hide her keys. Take out the spark plugs, for instance. She'll have it checked out and fixed, then you do it again. And again, until the message sinks in that she's not going to be driving her car again. Period.
Go ahead & report her to the DMV & her doctor, etc. I just happen to be one of those people who believe that it won't do a darn thing to keep an elder off the road if they're hellbent on driving. Your mother should be scared witless to get behind the wheel again after such an incident, yet here she went out and bought a new and expensive car instead! You tell me if a report to the DMV or her doctor will make any difference to her driving habits? If so, great, your problem is solved without further ado. If not, take my advice above.
I would venture to guess there is some level of cognitive impairment going on with your mom. Because anyone in her right mind would NOT go out and purchase a new Mercedes so she can drive again after suffering a black out and crashing through a neighborhood fence! As an example, my father was around 87 or so when he had 3 very minor fender benders in supermarket parking lots in FL. He realized at that point he had no business behind the wheel of a car anymore and surrendered his keys. He called my daughter up and told her to drive down to FL to pick up his car, he was gifting it to her. Had he been suffering from cognitive impairment, he probably would have continued driving or gone out and bought himself a new car instead of having the minor fender damage fixed.
Get the keys away from your mother, she is a menace to the road.
An elderly woman drove through the hair salon that I go to.
This incident was not long after a hurricane and I assumed the broken glass windows were from the storm.
I found out that the damage wasn’t from the storm. It was from a woman who had a seizure and drove into the hair salon. It’s frightening. The customers and stylists ran to get out of the way.
My cousin was shopping at a strip mall. The store fronts are all glass windows. She was at the register paying for her items and a big truck came crashing through the store front. She freaked out.
It was an old man and his wife. They plowed right through the store! He wasn’t having a seizure. Who knows what happened in that case?
IF the doctor clears her then resuming driving should not be a problem. (in many cases if it is found that she had a seizure she may be placed on anti-seizure medication and prohibited from driving for 6 months and a required follow up to get driving PRIVLIDGES back.) This is standard, it does not matter the reason for the seizure I would suggest that she take one of the Drivers Courses they may pick up on something. And if not and everything is clear the course can reduce insurance rates. (that may go up due to the accident)
A similar thing happened to my MIL... she rolled into a stop sign in her neighborhood narrowly missing kids who were getting off the school bus. She kept telling us she blacked out, but in hindsight we realized that she probably didn't remember what happened, not that she blacked out. I took her for a physical afterwards. She had memory loss. She never blacked out again. It is possible she had a TIA. I had to act to take away her van and license.
As her daughter you are in the best position to protect other people and your mother. You can go on the DMV website to anonymously report her as a dangerous driver. They will most likely send a letter out telling her she needs to come in for a retest (usually vision, at the minimum). No one should remind her or take her to get this done. Just let her license lapse, then figure out how to keep her away from vehicles.
In my state a driver’s license is good for four years. I truly believe that licenses should not be issued for that long after a certain age. I am not sure what the cut off age should be.
There are accidents that are directly related to older people. I would never object to having to go every six months to a year to renew my license after a specific age.
Yes, accidents can and do happen at any age. I fully realize this.
Teenagers can’t drive by themselves at first. They get permits. I am thinking about when I took driver’s education as a teenager. The car had breaks on the instructors side of the car. LOL 😆
Glad asked about if the car had artificial intelligence to prevent accidents. I personally love the cameras in my car. These features do help prevent accidents.
My elderly cousin constantly argues about with police about not giving her tickets. She is a speed demon! Other older people creep along. My uncle was pulled over for driving 25 miles an hour on the interstate!
Health issues are a major concern with elderly drivers. Eyesight can be a problem too.
When my cousin went for her driver’s license renewal, she passed the eye exam and always got her license. There are shuttle buses that operate in her senior living apartment. She shouldn’t be driving.
Yes, a very bad idea, but likely not her first, and as you said, not a whole lot you can do about it. Was any reason for the blackout ever come to? Both my Mom in her 80s and my brother in his 80s quit driving after accidents, in the first case not serious except to the line of trees she mowed down in a nursery, and in the second case very serious indeed and the beginning of his diagnosis as early Lewy's Dementia. I gave up my license in my early 70s because I had never been a specially good driver, and had not driven for years after a move to hilly SF. Was not easy to do, but needed to be done.
IMHO the right thing to do is to disable that car. I had to have the battery disconnected in my mom's car. It is only a matter of time until your mother crashes through a pedestrian in crosswalk or store front, instead of that fence. Your mother is absolutely going to drive until she hurts someone or herself. Certainly she should be medically evaluated. But the important thing is to prevent serious injury or death. God forbid she kills someone and both she and you will have to live with that. You said that you are so against the current situation. Listen to your gut instincts on this.
Thank you to everyone for the advice. Im new to this site, so hope my answer will be seen by all.
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didnt file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
"Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom."
What do you do that assists your mom? Sister doesn't do anything? What's the plan when your mother needs in-home care...are YOU the plan?
@LindaM22 Your sisters boyfriend did no favors when he "assessed" the accident scene this may come back to bite him in the buttocks. I hope for his career it doesn't. There are far to many incidents of people driving into buildings, through crowds. I think she should be assessed through a drivers course.
What I would do is report her to the D.O.T. telling them that you saw this accident happen and that she is unsafe on the road. Give them her license plate make of the vehicle and tell them you saw it weaving all over. Also you can call the police and make an anonymous report of her doing this too.
The other way is to step out of her life and let it run its course because if she has multiple accidents then her license will be pulled and also her vehicle insurance will go up. I know you don't want to step away but sometimes we have too, to get our point over if she is unsafe on the road that is what we need to do is report her.
Please find out if they recently changed her diabetes medication. We had a lady crash through our fence and almost hit our house because she passed out and it was because the doctor had changed her diabetes medicine and she was not handling it well. Please please find out! You have to have a long hard talk with her and find out or someone needs to take her keys away until you get to the bottom of the reason she crashed into the fence!
Do the right thing for her and others.You can not let her continue to be a danger.Return the car.Tell her that her family will start driving her.Even if this is a medical situation, you must know that she is no longer fit to drive.
How was your mother able to buy another car? Was the previous accident reported to the insurance company??
Nice to get a new car but sorry it must be immediately disabled so it doesn't get in an accident, too.
And, please report her to the DMV as an unsafe driver. You may do this without telling her. I've read so many situations like this and hope my advice had saved those drivers and others on the roads. Reminds me to be a very careful driver to look out for a "Wayward Driver"!
Contact the registry in your area and they will handle it . It won’t be easy , she will fight it but the ramifications for her hitting someone is too high . Check on line and fill out the form and send it to the registry .
Just ask your mother how she will feel if she kills someone, especially a child. She is being selfish and in denial. Ridiculous her license was not taken away.
Just ask your mother how she will feel if she kills someone, especially a child. She is being selfish and in denial. Ridiculous her license was not taken away.
You first need to find the reason for her blacking out to begin with. She should be assessed by her physician to determine causation. At that point he will be able to determine if she’s still capable of holding a drivers license. If she’s not capable the physician is required to notify the DMV
You know, education does not always work for drivers with medical conditions. It will not work with dementia or Alsheimer's. Just fighting with your mom is not enough. Keep the car away from her and disable it. Ignore the protests, and if you cannot, get yourself professional help to deal with situation. But, do not let your mom drive anymore! Should an accident happen, she and her assets may be sued. Anyone who shares her assets may lose as well. No one wants to become homeless if hers/yours is sold to pay for the damages.
For example, my mother battled me and my family for years for her privileges before finally she gave up, thankfully without an accident.
You can contact DMV to see the best way to get her license taken away. The next hurdle will be to deal with the car and the keys. A lot of people drive without a license. Many families have a real problem with this. It doesn't sound like your mom has dementia but the Alzheimer's Association has ideas on removing the car from an impaired driver. If you think it's a problem now, imagine if she killed someone. Be proactive.
My mom had seizures. She was blacking out. She was prescribed medication and monitored for six months. Her license was renewed after the six month waiting period.
Next time she's not going to be so lucky and innocent people that were at the wrong place at the wrong time are the ones that are going to suffer and possibly even be killed.
Do whatever you have to to stop this from happening.
I think firstly you need to get her checked properly, to find the underlying cause of the blackouts.
Are you able to talk to her and tell her if she continues to drive, you will inform the DMV? inform the DMV, tell them, your mom is not fit to drive and you are worried about her and other people getting hurt.
It's going to be far worse if she injures herself or someone else or does something even worse I dread to think it.
Maybe you can compromise and say stop for a the short-term and if she is ok after 6 months with no further blackouts, with doctors sign-off, then she can try again for only short trips.
It's seems urgent to take action, before she hurts herself or others.
Please let us know how it ends up.
If your mother is going against a medical directive and driving unsafely, I'd DISABLE her new car if I were you. Hide her keys. Take out the spark plugs, for instance. She'll have it checked out and fixed, then you do it again. And again, until the message sinks in that she's not going to be driving her car again. Period.
Go ahead & report her to the DMV & her doctor, etc. I just happen to be one of those people who believe that it won't do a darn thing to keep an elder off the road if they're hellbent on driving. Your mother should be scared witless to get behind the wheel again after such an incident, yet here she went out and bought a new and expensive car instead! You tell me if a report to the DMV or her doctor will make any difference to her driving habits? If so, great, your problem is solved without further ado. If not, take my advice above.
I would venture to guess there is some level of cognitive impairment going on with your mom. Because anyone in her right mind would NOT go out and purchase a new Mercedes so she can drive again after suffering a black out and crashing through a neighborhood fence! As an example, my father was around 87 or so when he had 3 very minor fender benders in supermarket parking lots in FL. He realized at that point he had no business behind the wheel of a car anymore and surrendered his keys. He called my daughter up and told her to drive down to FL to pick up his car, he was gifting it to her. Had he been suffering from cognitive impairment, he probably would have continued driving or gone out and bought himself a new car instead of having the minor fender damage fixed.
Get the keys away from your mother, she is a menace to the road.
Best of luck.
This incident was not long after a hurricane and I assumed the broken glass windows were from the storm.
I found out that the damage wasn’t from the storm. It was from a woman who had a seizure and drove into the hair salon. It’s frightening. The customers and stylists ran to get out of the way.
My cousin was shopping at a strip mall. The store fronts are all glass windows. She was at the register paying for her items and a big truck came crashing through the store front. She freaked out.
It was an old man and his wife. They plowed right through the store! He wasn’t having a seizure. Who knows what happened in that case?
I would suggest that she take one of the Drivers Courses they may pick up on something. And if not and everything is clear the course can reduce insurance rates. (that may go up due to the accident)
My dad didn’t argue either about wanting to drive after he had a stroke and wasn’t allowed to drive.
I have friends who had to take their parents keys away from them. It’s a difficult situation.
I am sure that this is frustrating for you to have to deal with this situation. It’s especially frustrating for other drivers on the road as well.
I had an elderly woman crash into my vehicle. She tried to hit and run. I was quick and got her license plate number and called the police.
I hope for everyone’s safety she will not be driving.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
As her daughter you are in the best position to protect other people and your mother. You can go on the DMV website to anonymously report her as a dangerous driver. They will most likely send a letter out telling her she needs to come in for a retest (usually vision, at the minimum). No one should remind her or take her to get this done. Just let her license lapse, then figure out how to keep her away from vehicles.
There are accidents that are directly related to older people. I would never object to having to go every six months to a year to renew my license after a specific age.
Yes, accidents can and do happen at any age. I fully realize this.
Teenagers can’t drive by themselves at first. They get permits. I am thinking about when I took driver’s education as a teenager. The car had breaks on the instructors side of the car. LOL 😆
Glad asked about if the car had artificial intelligence to prevent accidents. I personally love the cameras in my car. These features do help prevent accidents.
My elderly cousin constantly argues about with police about not giving her tickets. She is a speed demon! Other older people creep along. My uncle was pulled over for driving 25 miles an hour on the interstate!
Health issues are a major concern with elderly drivers. Eyesight can be a problem too.
When my cousin went for her driver’s license renewal, she passed the eye exam and always got her license. There are shuttle buses that operate in her senior living apartment. She shouldn’t be driving.
Was any reason for the blackout ever come to?
Both my Mom in her 80s and my brother in his 80s quit driving after accidents, in the first case not serious except to the line of trees she mowed down in a nursery, and in the second case very serious indeed and the beginning of his diagnosis as early Lewy's Dementia. I gave up my license in my early 70s because I had never been a specially good driver, and had not driven for years after a move to hilly SF. Was not easy to do, but needed to be done.
You should see how bad some of the drivers here drive! They end up destroying their cars trying to plow through some of our crappy streets.
Like freqflyer asked, how did your mother get to the dealership to buy the new car? Surely you didn't take her there?
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didnt file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
What do you do that assists your mom? Sister doesn't do anything? What's the plan when your mother needs in-home care...are YOU the plan?
Your sisters boyfriend did no favors when he "assessed" the accident scene
this may come back to bite him in the buttocks. I hope for his career it doesn't. There are far to many incidents of people driving into buildings, through crowds. I think she should be assessed through a drivers course.
The other way is to step out of her life and let it run its course because if she has multiple accidents then her license will be pulled and also her vehicle insurance will go up. I know you don't want to step away but sometimes we have too, to get our point over if she is unsafe on the road that is what we need to do is report her.
Prayers
Nice to get a new car but sorry it must be immediately disabled so it doesn't get in an accident, too.
And, please report her to the DMV as an unsafe driver. You may do this without telling her. I've read so many situations like this and hope my advice had saved those drivers and others on the roads. Reminds me to be a very careful driver to look out for a "Wayward Driver"!
Be very careful what you wish for, you may just get it.
For example, my mother battled me and my family for years for her privileges before finally she gave up, thankfully without an accident.