I'm so tired that I get upset with her. We've ruled out anything medical and tried so many things......from white noise, not drinking anything starting in the early afternoon, staying up later, going to bed earlier, eating less, eating more, melatonin/natural sleep aid, different types of bedding (everything cotton), excerising each time we get up, not talking at all, just going to the bathroom and getting back in bed, I'm out of ideas and I'm exhausted all of the time. She broke her hip about 3 months ago and has recovered so well, but this night time thing is awful for her, and for me. I hate to admit it but the lack of sleep is making me impatient with my Mom, whom I love so very much. She lives with me and is a wonderful lady...such a great attitude and so postiive 99 percent of the time. I feel like such a rotten daughter for not just dealing with this 'one' thing, when everything else is so good. I want to stop being impatient at night when we have to get up, so I go into another room and cry and then come back and lay down to try to get some sleep. Tonight I'm writing this note to see if anyone has any other ideas or things that you've tried that may work for us. Oh, and Mom is 94 and has short term memory dementia. Prior to her fall and broken hip, she stayed in her own room so I have no idea if she was getting up so many times during the night before. I guess I feel even worse because there are so many other people out there with such worse situations than me, that I should be happy that we have it so good.
Your mom is remarkable to have recovered this well from a broken hip at her age. Statistics about this would make a complete, long term recover quite rare.
First of all, of course, you need to talk to her doctor about this, and you should also discuss your health with your doctor. You can't keep this up. If her doctor has no better ideas, it's entirely possible that, even though you won't want to hear this, for both of you it may be time for a good nursing home where they have staff shifts who can deal with this. You are placing too much on yourself, and this will affect your ability to be a good caregiver, to say nothing of putting your own health at risk.
Who will be there for your mother if you go down? If she is in a good facility (assuming the doctor has no better suggestion), you will still be there for her as a caregiver and her advocate. Please take care of yourself. She would feel horrible if her situation damaged your health irreparably.
I know its a little dishonest but I needed sleep! We are going on month 2 of not waking up in the middle of the night!
Hope it helps!
3rd, she went on depakote and it relaxed her brain and she started sleeping.
(Have you listened to her, do you hear her pee?) My Mom also wen thru a stage where she dropped her pants and peed all over the floor many times!! I had to make her pajamas she couldnt get off! I think your Moms is probably just aggitation from the dementia but try them all , one WILL work!! I have to tell you, I sometimes didnt sleep more then 2 hours a night , my cna came, and I still went to work. When someone else at work told me they were tired I felt like slugging them! LOL What you are going thru is horrible, but it will end and My Mom also is/was a great Mom so I put up with it. She now sleeps 12 hours a night on depakote and she doesnt have any attitude outbursts. Hang in there, you're a fabulous daughter!
Bringing in night help is one good idea for keeping Mom home. You HAVE to sleep. Get someone else in who can stay up reading or knitting and help Mom when she needs it. Get a bedside commode. Would Mom be able to handle it without your help?
But the best solution would be for Mom to sleep through the night, too. Could you convince her to wear Depends at night. If she has the urge but doesn't really produce much volume (losts of false alarms) maybe not getting up would work. But I would go back to the doctor with facts in hand. The list with when she got up, how long she stayed up, what she did. And a clear summary of what this is doing to you. If the doctor understands that solving this is what is going to allow you to keep Mom at home, and that that is very important to both of you, he or she may be able to get a little more creative in the solution.
Addition to my above earlier post- we work with many people with bed mobility problems and often it is the caregiver that is ready to fall apart. When your sleep is broken up you never get into quality REM sleep which your body requires for proper rest. Lots of good advise being offered but if a person can safely use a bedside commode then why torture a caregiver with sleep deprivation? Proper assistive products based on the person's abilities/disabilities can often be a great solution.
My Mom (in NH) uses the bathroom alot as well, (as I may have mentioned in an earlier posts). She didn't like the diaper issue at all, used as precautionary purposes, and when she'd go to BR she'd have to remove it so she could go. I think this confused her because at this stage she's aware of what is normal or comfortable. So then they tried pull ups, they serve the purpose and she can go the regular old fashioned way. Funny thing....she told me "these underwear are wierd but it's better than none, this is all I have now, someone stole my regular undies". At least she didn't say that I stole them, this time.
Which reminds me of a Major reason of .....why it is better for both of us that she's in a NH. She is better behaved for the staff as far as making changes in routine for her needs, even her eating habits are better. The NH says this is the way it is, to her, and she listens, no problem, when I was doing that she hated me. I am aware of all the changes and if I see a problem I address it but she just thinks she's independant and we both are less stressed.
Home medical equipment rentals exist on line or at medical equipment stores. Medicare will pay for a basic bedside commode per a previous post. Info about rentals can come from google or any local agency on aging or geriatrician specialist.
There is a great commode that looks like a board room leather look winged back chair with a removable seat covering the bucket and a blue pad. The 'sick room' decor is so important because it is the LO's home. Many old oldsters are very modest. Keeping down the odors is crucial for a comfortable environment for patient and visitors.
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