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Redhead, Call your local Adult Protective Services offices and ask their advise. His actions are unsanitary and it sounds like something is going on mentally. Do not quit your job!
I've read your post and I have a few questions for you. Why does your dad poop in the sink? Why does he collect urine?
Here's my thoughts on your post: 1) Most of us have been caretakers long before a parent's illness came into the picture - we were raised not to cause any commotion in the home and to please them above all else. I have been through 30 years of therapy and three husbands trying to please. I was the best little Catholic girl who ever came down the pike. I am an "old school people pleaser".
In your post you state that you can do nothing for him but he demands you give up your job. Redhead, don't give up your job to care for him. You need your job to care for you. If you don't care for you, it's very likely no one else will. Please don't say your hands are tied! They are not! Take care of yourself first-let him do as he pleases because he is going to anyway! He will get better, get worse or die - whatever he wants to do. You can't change anything about him and you probably already know that.
Please make yourself your priority! Make him use the toilet if you can't but if he leaves poop in the sink let him clean it up. Take care of yourself, you're worth it!
My grandmother went through a period of going to the bathroom a lot. But, she wasn't actually doing anything in the toilet most of the time. It was a memory-logic-obsession thing...not a physical problem with bladder, bowel, eating disorder etc. Do you know for sure what is going on in the bathroom? You observe your mother going into the bathroom 8 times a day but that doesn't mean she's defecating every time. Maybe she has a hand washing obsession. Perhaps she is obsessed with not wanting to have an accident. Or, maybe she doesn't remember she was recently in the bathroom. You need to find out what actually is going on, or not going on, in the bathroom. In addition, ask her why she goes so much. (This is a privacy subject for seniors and she may not be honest or forthcoming.) Listen at the door. Does what you hear match what she says? At least you'll have a clue to pursue in your detective work. That will help determine whether her frequent bathroom visits are mental or physical.
My dad 87, never needed care, now he stays in bed all day, cannot walk down 5 flights of stairs and is too weak anyway. I noticed he pooped a few hard pebble-like stools into the bathroom sink and left it there, He never discussed bowel movements or anything except now he collects urine in a bottle. He says he does not go. He went to see a doctor who gave him Mercury, which he claims is a poison and stopped taking it. He will not sign up or pay for Medicare/Medicaid because he does not believe in doctors. I know he has Parkinson's and a heart condition for years. He is a recluse and have lived all my life with him. I can do nothing for him. He demands I give up my job. I need my job, because I am a single woman and I have to support myself. My hands are tied! Redhead
It could be that she is just going on the "installment plan", as we used to call it---a little each time, which is normal for me. But if she is having loose stools, she needs to drink sufficient fluids to replace those fluids she is loosing. Water is best, but it's hard to get older people to drink water sometimes. It helps to mix water with some juice for taste, or "Crystal-Light" is very good too. Good luck.
Yes, if all those 8 trips are all to defacate. Try to keep a diary of what kind of BM's she is having --loose? constipated? tiny amounts? large amounts? what color? bloody? There are any number of ills that can affect the pattern and content of bowel movements. While it can be totally normal to have a BM after each meal [food in, garbage out], it is NOT normal to poop 8 times a day. But, if there is "slowed motility" so that only part of it comes out at a time, and she is feeling urgent to do more but cannot do it all at once, a Doctor needs to evaluate that. Write down how many times each day, color, quantity, etc. details for a few days, then report that to the Doc, and ask for help. There is likley something going on there needing help. IF she is not actually pooping each time, that is STILL grounds for having her checked--she might need help getting it out. If you cannot get her to the Doc to have that checked, maybe ask an advice nurse through whatever clinic or office you take her to.
Does she actually have a bowel movement 8 times per day? Is her stool, hard, soft or bloody? Is she straining to go because she is constipated? or does she have loose stools from something that she has eaten or possibly a bacterial infection in her intestinal tract? It would be a good idea to talk with her doctor and be prepared to answer the questions that I have written above. Sarahjean,
PS - is she eating too many meals/snacks in a day perhaps? Sneaking food? or eating something that does not agree with her? Maybe she has some kind of food allergies that her physician can check her for....
Does she have a history of Crohn's or other similar illnesses? I would definitely contact her physician as this may be a symptom of some intestinal issue.
Hi SuzyQ, welcome! Yes - you should be concerned, if you know that all her trips are bowel movements. 8 times a day doesn't sound normal, and you can address that with her physician. Is she eating too much fruit? Do her snacks include dried fruits (ie dates)? This is the case with my mother. But there is another answer ......... does she take any laxatives? You might want to take a look in her medicine cabinet - if you are her primary caregiver, this doesn't constitute invasion of privacy. Mine believes that using laxatives will control her weight. A woman in a club she was a member of (padumdum!!) ate very little but was addicted to laxatives and proudly broadcast to everyone that she was slim because of them. This is a very dangerous practice! They can be eliminating nutrients and fluids that her body needs. In any case you are right to be concerned! Hope that she will be honest with you when you address it with her. Good luck!
I have the same problem with my mom. She is obsessive with her bathroom habits. She goes constantly and it seems that she is worse during the nightime hours. She has recently had a UTI and has been on two rounds of antibiotics. She is currently in rehab and they have this somewhat under control; however, after rehab who knows what will happen. She takes laxatives when she feels like she needs them which is 3 times per week. Then she takes Amodium AD to stop going. I'm so perplexed by this! Wish I had a better answer!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Call your local Adult Protective Services offices and ask their advise. His actions are unsanitary and it sounds like something is going on mentally. Do not quit your job!
I've read your post and I have a few questions for you. Why does your dad poop in the sink? Why does he collect urine?
Here's my thoughts on your post: 1) Most of us have been caretakers long before a parent's illness came into the picture - we were raised not to cause any commotion in the home and to please them above all else. I have been through 30 years of therapy and three husbands trying to please. I was the best little Catholic girl who ever came down the pike. I am an "old school people pleaser".
In your post you state that you can do nothing for him but he demands you give up your job. Redhead, don't give up your job to care for him. You need your job to care for you. If you don't care for you, it's very likely no one else will. Please don't say your hands are tied! They are not! Take care of yourself first-let him do as he pleases because he is going to anyway! He will get better, get worse or die - whatever he wants to do. You can't change anything about him and you probably already know that.
Please make yourself your priority! Make him use the toilet if you can't but if he leaves poop in the sink let him clean it up. Take care of yourself, you're worth it!
Redhead
Try to keep a diary of what kind of BM's she is having
--loose? constipated? tiny amounts? large amounts? what color? bloody?
There are any number of ills that can affect the pattern and content of bowel movements.
While it can be totally normal to have a BM after each meal [food in, garbage out], it is NOT normal to poop 8 times a day.
But, if there is "slowed motility" so that only part of it comes out at a time, and she is feeling urgent to do more but cannot do it all at once, a Doctor needs to evaluate that.
Write down how many times each day, color, quantity, etc. details for a few days, then report that to the Doc, and ask for help.
There is likley something going on there needing help.
IF she is not actually pooping each time, that is STILL grounds for having her checked--she might need help getting it out.
If you cannot get her to the Doc to have that checked, maybe ask an advice nurse through whatever clinic or office you take her to.
Sarahjean,
Is she eating too much fruit? Do her snacks include dried fruits (ie dates)? This is the case with my mother. But there is another answer ......... does she take any laxatives? You might want to take a look in her medicine cabinet - if you are her primary caregiver, this doesn't constitute invasion of privacy.
Mine believes that using laxatives will control her weight. A woman in a club she was a member of (padumdum!!) ate very little but was addicted to laxatives and proudly broadcast to everyone that she was slim because of them. This is a very dangerous practice! They can be eliminating nutrients and fluids that her body needs.
In any case you are right to be concerned! Hope that she will be honest with you when you address it with her. Good luck!