Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
These are excellent posts. One thing to do is approach the elder armed with options. We have a senor van that goes the grocery stores, as well as many social events. There are cabs and even busses. The elder rightly sees a huge sense of independence being taken away, even if they rarely drive. They want to be able to just in case! But sometimes it has to be done.
If they are not able to safely drive, they must be stopped. Many people have had to take batteries out of cars or get the steering wheels locked. Determined elders can be tricky.
Some clinics have programs where people are screened mentally, examined physically and then taken out to drive under conditions where they likely would want to drive. If they are from a surrounding small town and only want to drive there, the instructor has them drive in an unfamiliar, but similar area. If they want to drive in the metro area, they must take the test in traffic. The passing or failure of this stringent exam is often a help to families who much go through this gut-wrenching transition of taking away the keys.
The Hartford (go to their site at www.thehartford.com and so some digging) has some good brochures and they may help the elders see the light.
There are many articles on the web pointing to the dangers frequently involved with elderly drivers. You may want to show some of these articles to him. If he is unaffected by the statistics, my guess would be that he shouldn't be driving at all.
When my parents moved from Connecticut into the addition we built for them they applied for new drivers licenses. All they had to do was take an eye test. They were in their late 80's at the time. I was shocked that it was so easy since I knew my mothers judgments were being compromised by health issues at the time.
My father took her for a test drive and she asked him where the brake was! He didn't want to be the "bad guy" so I took her license without regret and I hear about it frequently. It took her a long time to forgive me but I'm OK with that.
You may want to remind your husband that it's not about him. The safety of other people is what's involved. . on the road and on the sidewalks as we've all seen in news reports. You know your husband better than any DMV tester.
It always amazes me when people think my mother is just fine (she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease a few years ago). She gets energized around new people and that extra kick of adrenaline makes it appear that there's nothing wrong. It doesn't last long before she's back to using her walker and forgetting the name of the visitor. She's also a very good actress when it comes to saving her self image.
If you have children you could ask them to get involved in the decision.
We had this same situation. Doctor's are not the one's who will be held responsible in the event of an accident. Our family made the decision to have my dad stop driving because it was become problematic. No, there weren't any incidents or accidents. It was frightening to be with him in the car. He wasn't able to focus or pay attention (even for a short drive). Of course, it was difficult, but once we junked his car and told him that the doctor said.... he gradually became accepting of it. If anyone has even the slightest bit of hesitancy in letting their elderly parent drive, then take the keys. I can tell you that it isn't easy because now that independence is gone and someone will have to pick up the responsibility. Patience is key. Just think for a moment if you were no longer able to drive. It's difficult. You need to put safety in front of pride. I knew for me, I'd rather take on the extra responsibility of bringing dad whereever he wants to go rather than think about him crashing his car and getting seriously injured, or more importantly hurting someone else. I could never have lived with myself if that had happened. Again, roles reverse. I'd rather my dad be upset with me (which did occur for the first 6 months after we took the keys) than injure himself or an innocent person on the road. Also, just something else to think about. If you do nothing and knowingly are aware of the problems when your loved one is driving and an accident happens, the injured party can sue you and your father as well as the doctor who said that your parent was permitted to drive. The DMV should crack down on older drivers and anyone who is not driving safely (but that's another topic altogether). It is inconvenient, but necessary.
Let us not lose sight of the original question, which was "My husband has dementia and is very insecure behind the wheel, so his psy wrote the DMV and asked them to test his driving skills. They passed him, what do I do now." Just being insecure behind the wheel is enough for me. He should not be driving. It is unsafe for himself and others! While is is difficult, being responsible is more important than hurting the feelings of someone who should not be driving. As I mentioned in my earlier post. Being in the car with my dad was frightening. He would make unsafe turns, not use his turn signals, pull out in front of other cars, drive too slowly, not come to complete stops, etc... While there are many drivers who do not have dementia that suffer from poor driving skills, for our family, I felt better taking the keys away from my father. Yes, he was angry! Very angry! We "used" his cataracts as a starting point. From there, it just progressed to the point where he was no longer driving. He was living on his own and it became difficult when he needed to run an errand or go to the doctor. But, that just comes with the territory. It is not an excuse saying "because the DMV passed him and gave him a license, meant that he was capable behind the wheel." Responsibility is key! The news article is eye-opening. I would absolutely never be able to live with myself if I knew that my father was driving and should not have been and an accident such as this occurred. The guilt would overcome me. We, as caregivers or family members need to take responsibility. Driving is a priviledge - not a right. Taking responsibility means that we take over the driving and running errands and such. Yes, it is sometimes becomes inconvenient. But I would much rather be inconvenienced than putting my father (and others) lives in jeopardy. The police, the DMV or anyone else is not responsible for monitoring elderly drivers. Trust me, my dad talked of nothing else for the first 6 months after his car was disposed of. That is all any of us heard. "I don't drink and drive, I don't do drugs, I never even got a ticket.!" Well, I explained it over and over again. After a while, Dad just became resigned to the fact that we were not going to let him behind the wheel. You need to balance allowing an elderly (dementia/alzheimer's) person a certain amount of independence without risking or endangering them (or others) to danger. As a caregiver, or a family member, you need to take responsibility before an accident occurs, or dad gets lost, etc... That means that you have to do the errands or bring them along. Yes, it sometimes is inconvenient. For me, I'd rather be inconvenienced than apologetic to a family member that was killed as a result of my dad's insecurity.
How old is he? If he has on-set Dementia he should no where be near an automobile. The Dementia medications also make one sleepy as well. Does he demand to drive? Can you perhaps suggest that you or someone else will drive him instead? Why does he feel the need to drive? I would go back to the DMV and express that he has this on-set Dementia and should not be driving. What would happen if a serious accident happened....worst case scenario someone was maimed or killed in the accident. Let us know....
I bet it is difficult...I know I love the ability to drive. My mom has never driven in her life so that made it easy in one way for me, but for 10 years of playing taxi is not so fun either ;-).
tnmom, Be careful of those broad general statements. Unless you've experienced the difficulty of taking away the keys from a parent with a sterling driving record whose physician does not have the authority to direct the DMV to pull a license and you have no alternative arrangements for transporting your independent parent wherever and whenever he wants to go...well you get the picture. A drunk is not impaired 24/7 so a "designated driver" is a good option. And the DUI laws in most states are stringently enforced so the law is on your side when you take the keys away. It is not so with Dementia or even debilitating forms of mental illness.
Yes, I get the picture. My husband has dementia, and I do understand the implications of taking his keys away. I also have a grandchild that was killed by an impaired driver. It is my responsibility as a spouse to ensure that my husband does not bring harm to himself or some innocent party. I don't know the area where other persons live, however I have lived in several different states, and there is always public transportation, and most often senior services that will pick up and deliver seniors that cannot drive for whatever reason. I still see no excuse for allowing people on our highways that should not be driving.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If they are not able to safely drive, they must be stopped. Many people have had to take batteries out of cars or get the steering wheels locked. Determined elders can be tricky.
Some clinics have programs where people are screened mentally, examined physically and then taken out to drive under conditions where they likely would want to drive. If they are from a surrounding small town and only want to drive there, the instructor has them drive in an unfamiliar, but similar area. If they want to drive in the metro area, they must take the test in traffic. The passing or failure of this stringent exam is often a help to families who much go through this gut-wrenching transition of taking away the keys.
The Hartford (go to their site at www.thehartford.com and so some digging) has some good brochures and they may help the elders see the light.
Carol
When my parents moved from Connecticut into the addition we built for them they applied for new drivers licenses. All they had to do was take an eye test. They were in their late 80's at the time. I was shocked that it was so easy since I knew my mothers judgments were being compromised by health issues at the time.
My father took her for a test drive and she asked him where the brake was! He didn't want to be the "bad guy" so I took her license without regret and I hear about it frequently. It took her a long time to forgive me but I'm OK with that.
You may want to remind your husband that it's not about him. The safety of other people is what's involved. . on the road and on the sidewalks as we've all seen in news reports. You know your husband better than any DMV tester.
It always amazes me when people think my mother is just fine (she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease a few years ago). She gets energized around new people and that extra kick of adrenaline makes it appear that there's nothing wrong. It doesn't last long before she's back to using her walker and forgetting the name of the visitor. She's also a very good actress when it comes to saving her self image.
If you have children you could ask them to get involved in the decision.
Be careful of those broad general statements. Unless you've experienced the difficulty of taking away the keys from a parent with a sterling driving record whose physician does not have the authority to direct the DMV to pull a license and you have no alternative arrangements for transporting your independent parent wherever and whenever he wants to go...well you get the picture.
A drunk is not impaired 24/7 so a "designated driver" is a good option. And the DUI laws in most states are stringently enforced so the law is on your side when you take the keys away. It is not so with Dementia or even debilitating forms of mental illness.
See All Answers