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I am applauding - think: standing ovation - your idea of placing this in the hands of a specialist financial advisor.

Hmmm, how to find one...

Do you know of any of their peers who have been through this process successfully? They might be able to offer a personal recommendation.

If there are any new housing developments of the kind you have in mind, see if the developers offer any sort of relocation advisory service. You could approach them pretending you're asking for yourself, and if they start any hard sell malarkey back out fast, but if you like their style...

Unbiased advice as such, genuinely objective analysis of pros and cons, would be wonderful. But apart from being jolly hard to get hold of... how can I put this... it's not actually what you want. Or, rather, it's not actually in their best interests.

Given the option to stay put, they'll stay put. If they're comparing financial products that make it possible, they'll go for the least bad non-moving option.

But *all* of these products are needless, expensive debt. And if they're living in a house that they can't afford to run, given that their living and health care expenses will inevitably rise and God forbid they should die any time soon, they need to realise their capital and get a place they can afford to live in comfortably. All of which you know, I know.

But anyway - I should research a few suitable properties and see what services you can access from related sources.

It is all incredibly emotional, in fact I'd say it's almost impossible to have the conversation without somebody leaving the room either in tears or slamming the door behind him. My heart sinks for you.
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Do you think they would listen to a financial advisor if he/she said "You are over-housed. You need to downsize?"

There really isn't any magic formula except that you need to spend less than you bring in every year.

They are spending more of their income than they should and soon will have to tap the equity in their home. How they do that is up to them. And it sounds like they won't even consider it until they are convinced they can't keep going as they are. I agree with the advice to stop giving them money. People will resist the truth longer if they don't feel the consequences. Step back.
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MEP1965 Jan 2019
I am in commercial real estate but the most numbers savy of the children and their spouses hence I have been asked to help. My MIL actually worked in residential RE many years ago and is trying to get her license up to date....I am not sure why. She wanted to take a break thinking about it until this spring, which coincides with a nice time to look at places. I will suggest to my spouse and his siblings in the near-term and hopefully they will suggest to her so she can get out when the inventory is highest. If they dont broach the topic...I will. It doesnt hurt to investigate and do the math. If she decides it still makes more sense to hold rather than put a few hundred thousand in the bank and cut her annual expenses in half, then we should all agree its her issue to manage. THX
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OKAY......... your inlaws are late 70's - are there any issues with dementia or loss of cognitive ability? If not - why are you in a swirl on this - it is their house, their decision to make. Stop giving them money for expenses. they need to figure this out.
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As your inlaws are only in their late 70's--they could need all the money they can lay hands on for 15+ years.

A LOT of people wind up in this situation, sadly. All their money is tied up--no liquidity.

I've only heard awful things about RM's so I'd be cautious there.

If they can afford 21K per month for upkeep on the house, etc., then they can certainly afford a VERY nice ALF apartment. Or a condo, where all upkeep is included--they may actually find that refreshing! I know, nobody ever wants to leave their home--but it sounds like the house is draining them dry. Selling it would put a nice chunk of cash in reserve.

ABSOLUTELY find someone who specializes in this kind of financial arrangement. We actually use our attorney for a lot of these kinds of decisions.

I agree with not getting family involved if your parents have all their decision making abilities.

The problem is that they don't WANT to move, right? And the house is packed with memories and junk, I bet. They don't want to deal with it, I'm sure.

Take it slow. It took us 3 years to get mother and daddy to realize they could not stay in their home--and during that time we were sloooooowly purging all the junk and trying to get the huge yard in shape.

Sadly, by putting off the decision for so long, they had fewer options. They SHOULD have kept my grandmother's condo and lived there--but they didn't "want to" and in the 2+ years after she passed, things went badly south for the folks and they wound up living with my brother. NOT a good idea--and 22 years later, mother is as unhappy with this situation as she was the day we moved her in.

Failure to plan---this will come back to bite them and they will be left with fewer options.

Initially, one of you family members needs to broach this subject with mom & dad. I'd find some professional help first, a few options and then let them make the appointments and decisions. Just be supportive but don't make the decisions for them (unless that's your JOB)--they will happier if THEY have made this life altering decision.
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worriedinCali Jan 2019
i don’t think they are paying $21,000 a month on upkeep of the home. I think that’s probably
annually.
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