Elderly mom with advanced vascular dementia is refusing to eat saying it makes her feel sick - any advice.

Interestingly more than 1/2 of reported GI pain issues that bring seniors to doctors and hospitals remain undiagnosed.
Why would you wish to push food on someone 80 with this level of health issues? Do you wish her to have another decade of torment with this and that thing? Do you wish her to go on forever?

It is normal for people to wish to eat less as they age, and to sleep more. Yet AC is full of well-meaning and VERY loving family members wishing to change what is a natural progression of aging. Should be live long enough we end non-verbal, unable to eat, bedridden and immobile and with our legs drawn up into contractures in a fetal position. That is to say we go full circle. I have seen it and can assure you it isn't to be sought.

Offer foods that she likes and that are nourishing. Some like a chocolate ensure mixed with icecream to have as a "milkshake". Some love a bit of jello. Just let her have it "her way". There are so few things in age that we have any choice about. This is a gift you can give her.

With vascular and or heart issues there is often, in the gut, a "full feeling" that MD can explain to you. Sometimes a bit of fluid congestion. But whatever the cause do allow her to eat what she wishes, ask if there's anything she'd like, and try not to become obsessed with it. You would be amazed how long we can go on with very little intake, and remember--in labs tests--the real skinny rats just live FOREVER.

My best out to you. I know you clearly care. But I am 81. Somethings gonna get me! And when they write the obit no one will say how young and beautiful I was when I went!

Let mom lead the way on this. It may be temporary or it may be the way it’s going to be from here on, either way, trying to make a person eat is a pointless mission. The body intrinsically knows what it needs and stops wanting and processing food at some point. Sometimes this is for a brief time, like sickness, and other times, it’s a sign that end of life is coming. I watched it in both of my parents. The desire for food just vanished and all the encouragement to eat just frustrated everyone. Once we got a hospice nurse, she explained a lot about food becoming unable to process and actually painful to the body. We used what’s called minimal hydration to prevent dehydration in both parents, we were advised by medical staff that dehydration is often painful, not eating is never painful in these conditions. It’s an awful thing to watch, as it’s natural to us to provide food to others, but the body is helped somehow by doing without. I wish you peace in this time

I'm going to share a couple of articles with you that I have found helpful

https://www.todaysgeriatricmedicine.com/archive/JA22p14.shtml

https://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Final+Days/Final+weeks+and+days_+What+to+expect.aspx

If your mom has advanced vascular dementia, and is not wanting to eat, then it may be time to bring in hospice as they will keep her comfortable and pain free as she transitions from this life to the next.
When a person is in the dying process, it is very painful for them to eat or drink as their digestive system is starting to shut down. So food or drink should NEVER be forced upon them.
Vascular dementia is the most aggressive of all the dementias with a life expectancy of just 5 years.
My late husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2018, and he died in 2020, and he didn't eat for 41 days before he died and didn't drink for over 25 days, though he had a pain pump that was putting a little fluid into him each time I pushed the button.
Please don't let your mom suffer. Call hospice today, and they will come out and do an assessment.
Best wishes as you take this final journey with your mom.