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Ok so I hired a caregiver while back had her for a year lately I didn’t know until recently I discovered she been changing her moods lately she has been verbal and been emotional abusing me lately yelling at me screaming at me is anything of that abuse? I know cursing at me is verbal abuse but and it has distracted her for caring for my needs at times I do suffer from anxiety at times I have also autism to because she has done this to me it’s been so hard dealing with her should I report her to the agency what she has done to me? Because I know In the past she has done good work for me but lately she getting real bad and not just abusing but engaging and gossiping lately as well so please help me best of your advice anything will be helpful thank you.

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My comment below was censored. I'll repeat what was deleted.
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BurntCaregiver May 2023
@david1950

I agree. Or it is a person with "special needs" who isn't getting enough attention from whoever is responsible for them. We've got more than a few of them around here. When made the same point yesterday that you're making I got backlash for it.
I was a caregiver for a long time and made lifelong friends with some of my clients and their family members.
I met my second husband when I was a caregiver to his grandfather. Relationships can form.
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Everyone knows that if you're unhappy with a caregiver, hire another one. Do that, OP.
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BurntCaregiver May 2023
I was not criticizing. I was speaking plainly, honestly, and from experience.

This forum is supposed to be a support group for people who are caregivers. The people here give practical advice and encouragement. It's also supposed to be a safe space for caregivers to express their frustration and feelings. Or at least this is what it was when I joined and was happy I did because this group has helped me out many times.
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@Hopeforhelp22

Yes, you are correct. I am asking the same questions I'd ask if any clients of mine had complaints about their caregiver.

I was a caregiver for 25 years. I was also an aide supervisor at an AL. I am currently the head of a homecare business. I have dealt with every kind of client and caregiver. When I see a post like this, or get a call similar to this, I can pretty much gauge what's going on. I've never been wrong yet about the personality type it's coming from and that's saying something because I've been in service for a long time.

Everyone who has homecare deserves quality service. They have a right to expect professionalism and respect from the caregiver for both themselves and their homes regardless of whether they are paying for the service or if like in this case, the state is.
The caregiver also has a right to expect a safe environment to provide care in and to be treated with respect by the client and their families or legal representatives.

It is abundantly clear to me that the OP has no respect for caregivers.

She has a choice. Call the agency her caregiver works for and ask for someone else.
The agency has a choice too. They can do their job and investigate the caregiver by talking to other clients she works for. Then they can act accordingly.
I would most definitely pull the caregiver off of this assignment. I would also very likely drop a troublesome client like the OP from my service.
I'm in the business of providing quality service and making money. Not being a referee in games between the client and their caregiver.
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Hopeforhelp22 May 2023
Thanks for explaining this, Burnt - you certainly have an extensive and impressive background in the healthcare industry, and I'm sure you've seen it all - every type of client/caregiver situation.  I have zero expertise in the healthcare business - so, I am not looking at it in the same manner.  Since I've headed up Human Resources departments for major brands, it's my nature to see things from an HR perspective. All of the steps you mentioned resonate with me - yes, conducting an investigation, etc.  And, I can imagine that you've witnessed a lot of concerning situations - accusations made from clients as well as from caregivers - it's not easy in healthcare since lives are at stake.  My industry is fashion, so no one is going to die from having a bad fashion collection! 

But, what I did take into consideration was that the OP said he/she is autistic and also suffers at times from anxiety (autistic adults suffer with difficulties w/high-level language skills, such as verbal reasoning, problem solving, making inferences, problems with understanding another person's point of view, anxiety, etc).  And, he/she stated that the state pays their caregiver, which supports their having a disability.  So, by not ever having met this OP in person to fully understand, I listened to their words and I sensed someone who genuinely just wanted a little advice.  I really didn't see their actions or intentions in trying to "agitate or instigate anyone - or have a laugh?"  For me, I just didn't see it. 
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Hi Selina - I'm really sorry to hear that you've been treated unacceptably by the caregiver. And really, it's irrelevant how she treats her other clients in order to validate your unpleasant experience with her - you don't need to prove yourself to anyone. The fact that she's mistreating you is enough. You've expressed that she is yelling at you - screaming - heightening your feeling of anxiety - it's all unacceptable and unprofessional conduct on her part.

You DESERVE to have a caregiver who makes you feel comfortable and is an appropriate support to you. I think you should reach out to the agency and explain that this is not a good match for you anymore and request someone else. You are worth it - and I think you'll be happier in the long run.

Wishing you all the very best for continued strength and peace ~

ps - I have seen those on this site who are caregivers as well as those who are receiving care, so you are in the right place!
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Selina1982 May 2023
Hi hope yes I was reaching out here because I needed some advice regarding this caregiver of mine yes aside of her caregiving for me she told me before we can be friends and I was like oh that’s ok then we talked and went well then what I shared Changed everything especially yes when she yelled at me as of late she has been so verbal and emotional abuse with me as of now because I told her to stop that and stop lying to me to she not apologizing or showing remorse so yes I already reported her for that behavior it won’t be put up with anymore I been so kind to her I appreciated her work so much so I thought everything was good in the beginning yes I understand they go through tough times but still should not take it out of me I never did that I have anxiety exactly so I never took it out on her at all and she never expressed emotion with me or showing me support which they can no rule or policy against it so sadly she is this type of woman caregiver she doesn’t care or show affection or anything to anyone this is so sad to live lack’s kindness and empathy for people with disabilities to she should know she will encounter people that may need extra attention and care if she can’t do anything regarding a kind touch or to help a elderly person then DONT do it I wouldn’t be surprised if she would be physically abusing others she has no patience to sorry for the long message this is what am going though am 41 dealing with anxiety and high blood sugar levels from time to time at least she can help people and care if she wants to continue to be a caregiver which is not working anymore as I see people are going rely on her sometimes so I experienced this for a while now and I appreciate any caregiver that appreciates there clients both as a client or if both agree friends I cared so much for her but she never did now I see why.😔
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This is a group that is for people who are caregivers.

If you don't get along with your caregiver, call the agency she works for and get a different one.

I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years. I now work LONG hours in the office of my own homecare business.

The first question I'd ask a client like you is in what way did the caregiver verbally abuse you?
I would want to know word for word what she said. Then I'd talk to the other clients she takes care of. If you are the only client who has a problem with her most likely you are the problem.

I also saw your comment here to, JoAnn. I would bet that you're instigating with your caregiver. I've had clients like you. My bosses always talked to my other clients.

If you're the only client of her's with a problem....Chances are it's you.
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BurntCaregiver May 2023
@Selina

A state-paid caregiver does not make good money. I am an experienced caregiver.

How are you disabled is I may ask? Why do you need a caregiver? What are your expectations from a caregiver?
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Well of course you call the agency and report an abusive caregiver! Why would you pay money to a person who's treating you in such a way??? Settle for nothing less than you deserve and what you're paying good money for in life.
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Selina1982 May 2023
Good news I don’t pay her she gets paid by that country’s agency of course so I have finally discovered what she been doing to me which is emotional and verbal abuse plus she has 2 agencies she is currently still my bad caregiver so am trying to get through this agency and report her because there call volume is very high so I have to wait until I get through plus she supposedly today gave me a 2 week notice which never heard of this I guess wanted to try to smooth things over because she only has another client and right now me so am not putting up with this anymore so she might return tomorrow so I will see if she can tell me proof she really wants to leave after that or admit what she done to me what she did to me was wrong show some accountability for this abuse I have anxiety at times badly and she enjoying this!!!!
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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/can-a-caregiver-and-family-member-be-friends-asking-for-a-friend-of-mine-481071.htm

In your first post you said u were asking for a friend.

If this is an angency Aide then report her. Maybe she did not like that she wanted to be friends and you want to keep it professional. If this is about the time the abuse started to happen, I would make sure to mention it. Tell the agency you want another Aide. This one seems burnt out.
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Selina1982 May 2023
am sorry you fully DONT understand this situation Joann clearly she is very manipulative ok also she has been emotionally abusing me including to my other friends as I know and she revealed things to that she been with another client ok which was not my business or problems she was even saying bad things about her other client who has dementia!!!! So this is what going on am a client to and my friend was looking out for me so everything is spot on so this person I thought was a good person caregiver is no caregiver!!!
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If caregiver is from an agency call the agency and report.
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