Everything my mother does is getting under my skin and I'm having a lot of trouble maintaining my sanity. She turned 91 yesterday. She had a pacemaker put in about a month ago, but she is still in atrial fibrillation so is on a lot of BP meds. She fights about many things, the whole giving up of independence issue. I try to ignore a lot, and I do try and lift her spirits, but when she refuses to take her pills and then something bad happens, then I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces, so I told her that if she was going to continue to stay in our house, she had to take her pills. She has a tissue fetish and everywhere in the house are bits and pieces of used tissue, she stuffs it up her sleeves, in her underwear, in her purse, in her pockets, in her bed, on the floor, it's everywhere; it gives me the creeps. I have politely asked her to try and empty her pockets and sleeves and underwear before I do her wash so I don't have to encounter it.
I realize that this sounds petty, it's just the build up of things, her attitude which is often demanding, she has trouble ever saying please, she just barks out orders. She is very vain about her appearance and even though she can hardly stand she will spend two hours on her face routine before she goes to bed. Which I'm sure is why she still looks so good at 91.
I love her but I am losing patience and tolerance. My husband says I just need to detach. Each day I get up, I ask God for more strength, love and tolerance, and humility. I am blessed with a good home; and when I think about Haiti and what is going on there, I get disgusted with myself.
You also need to get breaks. The tissue thing could be OCD, so maybe her doctor can help with that, or at least help you understand that this could be one thing she can't help.
Good luck. You sound like a wonderful person. You do need a breather. And have your husband cloned!
She has her pockets stuffed with so much paper she looks like a cartoon. She is very serious with her reasoning for drying her tissues that she blew her nose on the pictures on the table next to her. Hey, she isn't suffering from Dementia....clearly I am or I wouldn't be so careless with my tissue.
Grandma will fight you if you try to take her tissue or reason with her about it. She must sleep with 2 tissues under her pillow.
I have sat with her too long today. I have to go now so I can use paper and throw it away.
Your heart is in the right place, you're doing the best you can for your entire family, and sometimes you just need to smile and walk away.....your mom will probably not remember any confrontations, anyway!
I find her more playing games for attention which I never thought in million years she would do. When I left the house panic attack. which will make bp go up. The otherday she said my husbands alarm clock went off for 2 hours. I unpluged it. She said the music was so loud. I told her we would take it up with her doc. at her next visit. Well that stopped that.
I was told that it is hoarding behavior and my mom had huge hoarding behavior with all the useless stuff she packratted over the years. Nightmare. Still cleaning it out.
Mom goes through a lot of tissue because she's a drooler. You have to be careful when you're doing up her shirt because she can nail you. Can make you urpy before the second cup of coffee.
Mom holds the tissue/paper towel/tp in her hand and when the drool runs down her chin, wipes it off with her hand/back of her hand/heel of her hand and if that it not gross enough, she never fails to look at it and it is clear that she is amazed that she drools. Sometimes she wants to show you. The kicker is that instead of wiping her hands on the tissue, she will wipe her hands on her pants/shirt/chair/tablecloth.
She does this every 5 minutes. Seriously.
We use pretty sheets on her big, comfortable chair so we deal with it and keep it all clean, but omg.
I used to pop up and try to get her to wipe her face but my back hurts. If you hand her a tissue while she's doing the drool thing she blows her nose.
The TP thing here is important because of the germs. It takes a lof of attention because mom hides TP used for the bathroom. omg2
What gets under our skins here is being grossed out all the time.
We love mom and take good care of her and I know she really doesn't want to be 'out of control', but you guys are right, it doesn't matter, it just makes you nuts.
I was thinking about using a fishing pole with a sponge attached to it so I could dab her chin but not get up.
If she lived with you, I'd be advising you to arrange some respite and get some time for yourself. You have built-in respite! Try cutting back to 3 nights a week and one afternoon per weekend. See if that improves your perspective.
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