How can I control my sanity when everything my elderly mother does is getting under my skin?

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How can I control my sanity when everything my elderly mother does is getting under my skin?

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Barb, I applaud you for what you are doing for your mother. You are doing the best you can, obviously. I can relate to the part where you talk about trying to preserve your sanity. I have talked to my doctor about this, and she has prescribed some medication for me to take, as needed, in extremely stressful situations with my father. We can only do so much, and we only have so much strength. As you do, I also pray to God all the time for strength and support, and He never fails me. He led me to this website!
I say "yes!" to taking breaks and taking good care of yourself. As Leeza Gibbons says in her book: "Take your oxygen first." Hang in there!

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Yes, detachment, even though you may feel guilty about it, helps. I prayed every day before I went into my parent's house. (I know it is much harder having them live with you.) I played a game with myself---in my thoughts calling them "Mr. Harold and Mrs. Ethel", not their names. As if they were unrelated people, so it really did not matter as much if they were verbally abusive. I tried most of the time just to overlook their highly opinionated views, only partly listening and thinking of something pleasant. I sometimes wore bright colors or funny themed socks, ect. just to lighten my own mood. Hope this helps.

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Hang in there, when things get alittle overwhelming take a deep breath, pull yourself up, brush yourself off, and start over. When Im sitting in the doc. office waiting I take little pieces of time for myself Sitting in silence-might be time for myself. In my car I might take the senic route. What I'm trying to say is.. you are in control of how you feel about things. Try not to get bogged down by the what ifs. I know this sounds a little off but maybe she knows the tissue thing drives you crazy. At 91 god bless her she doesnt have alot of things to control.

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I thought it was a great relief when mom finally agreed to move in with me & my family. Since I lived 200 miles away,my siblings werent doing much to help her. That was 5 years ago . I think I added 5yrs on to her life and took 5 yrs off of mine. Mom has high blood pressure. She doesnt want to take any new meds. She says shes allergic to the medicine. Well she not, we've done testing its more like panic attacks. Her doc. told her she will more likely have a stroke if she keeps doing what shes doing.
I find her more playing games for attention which I never thought in million years she would do. When I left the house panic attack. which will make bp go up. The otherday she said my husbands alarm clock went off for 2 hours. I unpluged it. She said the music was so loud. I told her we would take it up with her doc. at her next visit. Well that stopped that.

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We're glad you are here. By the way, I understand more about OCD than I care to think. : )

Keep coming back and yes, do get breaks.
Carol

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Thank you Carol! I am going to start taking more breaks, have just had a lot of financial issues to attend to as well, so haven't found the time. And yes, my mom is definitely OCD, in other ways as well.

I'm glad for this site :~)

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You are in a difficult situation and are trying very hard to cope with it. I'm glad you have perspective, but you shouldn't downplay your own feelings. Your husband is right - detaching from it is the thing to do. Easier said than done, which is why support groups help. Even CoDa (which is a codependency group) may help, simply because we are all a bit codependent, but they can give you tools to help you detach with love. Obviously, support groups like this one, here and in person if there is one in your area, are good. You can share stories and blow off steam.

You also need to get breaks. The tissue thing could be OCD, so maybe her doctor can help with that, or at least help you understand that this could be one thing she can't help.

Good luck. You sound like a wonderful person. You do need a breather. And have your husband cloned!
Carol

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How can I control my sanity when everything my elderly mother does is getting under my skin?

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