When is enough enough with narcissistic parents?

Hayley - it is a success for all of us when one of us breaks away from the dysfunction. Enjoy your new place. Well done!!!

Good for you, Hayley! Life will be so much better for you from now on. Since I got away from my nutso family I rarely get depressed, and when I'm around an abusive person now it seems so shocking and outrageous that I leave right away--my boundaries and limits changed. Protecting yourself from meanness and unfairness is very wise!

My family and I have left churches because of narcissistic members whom the good people did nothing about because they were blinded by FOG coming from the narcissists. My narcissistic mother in law died 6 months ago which freed my wife, her twin sister and us son's in laws. My narcissistic, abusive mother died 5 years ago and I have not shed a tear. My wife had a very hard time getting her freedom which took years of therapy and hard work. I had a hard time getting my freedom plus dealing with painful memories that did not surface until several years ago for which I am in therapy and I have written four poems about.

My heart is dead ... After 15 years of beating my head against the wall... giving 'her' a quality of life she never would have had... and, after she never supported me with my siblings... or, anyone... and, after her and my two brothers conspire against me, laughing, ignoring me and leaving me out of everything... I am completely done... I am numb... I am so dumb for ever having her move by (and with me)... It has been all damaging.... I sure can see how caregivers die first... and, why they don't want to live anymore... after loosing so much.

Narcissistic parents want to live large but lack the necessary skills to make
that a reality. So mostly it's pure fantasy until the kind hearted care giver
steps in, totally unaware that they are going to be used horrifically.

You see, despite narcissists being delusional, one part of them is keenly aware
of how to behave in public and how to garner attention and approval. They
don't form real bonds as they're afraid everyone else is as Machiavellian as
they are. They assume the care giver is out to get them a great deal of the
time. Be it an inheritance, a family business, connections or simply inclusion.
They are like feral animals that crave living in a home, but due to paranoia
must always be on the lookout for an escape and also perversely feel the
need to destroy the home and care givers within as they make that escape.

I have never known a narcissist, malignant or otherwise, not to damage their
caregivers or right hand person, even if it's just idle damaging gossip. To care
for a narcissist is to invite damage. Let them know you're hurt, only incites them more. Remorse is either calculated or so short lived as to be useless.

There is no fixing a narcissist. Only by a terrible tragedy, abandonment or
by some miraculous introspection, will they change. They change without
you, not with your help.

For a narcissist, it is only enough when you either walk away, become too ill
to function or you die. Take your pick. If waiting for the above change of
heart, know it is as likely as remission from schizophrenia. 3%. And it must take place without you. They never change if their care giver is on hand to
continue softening the blows of real life and providing the fantasy.

Enough is never, never enough with a narcissist. Unless you're dead.

When their narcissism starts to affect you and your family’s mental stability then enough is enough. The narcissist has lived their life and probably didn’t take care of anyone the way you are caring for them. In my opinion your lifetime so far means you’ve already had enough. Try to stay strong. Don’t let them win. You have other family standing behind you and I bet they all have seen or encountered the horrible narcissist before

I haven't read all the answers, but speaking from personal experience, enough is enough as soon as you said those words and felt those feelings. You are telling yourself that "enough is enough". Please listen. I am in my 60's and still dealing with a narcissistic parent. My biggest regret in life is wishing I knew back then what I know now. All the damage and hurt I allowed these people to inflict on me, and on my own family......I can't tell you how I regret it. My best advise to you from personal experience is educate yourself about healthy boundaries. Read as much as you can. Most of us raised by narcissistic parents were trained to believe our feelings didn't matter. Only their feelings matter. It takes a lot of work to undo this unhealthy thinking, but it's worth it!