Estate planning, in reverse, sort of.

My opinion is Dad needs to be an a AL where everything is done for him. He gets 3 meals a day, meds are gjven to him by a Nurse. As POA you can hire someone, like a CPA to handle his money. Can't have too many worries when people are doing everything for you.

Talked to him today, we were both mellower, and he agreed to talk to a lawyer. I have one who did his trust, so, hopefully, he can point us in a better direction as a start.

Talked to him today, we were both mellower, and he agreed to talk to a lawyer. I have one who did his trust, so, hopefully, he can point us in a better direction as a start.

There are services for the blind. Call your local one and find out if there’s help there.

This is a good lesson in estate planning for those of us who aren't at death's door.

If you're responsible for your dad's care, then you should have some provisions in your will that will cover that or he should in his. Does he have a back-up POA? He should. If there isn't anyone, he should consider naming his bank's trust department or a fiduciary.

It doesn't really matter if he likes it or not, the fact is both you and he need to have a Plan B in place in case something happens to you. If he is that dependent on you, he's like a child. You wouldn't want your children to be tossed out into the social services system if you died, so you would make provisions for them. His care would be no different.

My husband and I had our estate paperwork in order by our late 30s. We had three small kids, lived in a different state from all our family members, and between us we had seven siblings, any of which might have been awarded custody if they sought it. We made sure our wishes were clear on that in the event something happened to us. Do the same for your dad.

I think there's a lot going on here for him.

When my mother passed, he also lost his vision, the ability to drive, and a lot of independence. At this point, I started taking things over. He doesn't understand how I manage things, autopay's, internet, etc. He worries because he's not in control, and he isn't.

But, he also can't manage it. He's lost his credit card, freaked out, twice, when he purchased something then panicked that he'd been scammed (he was, once). He's also never accepted any help for dealing with being blind. He's a vet, has access to amazing services for the blind, and it took 2 years for him to agree to use it. He's been remarkably self-destructive like with the Zoloft, which really helped, but after a month he quit using it.

I'm also tired of it. I do have some health issues, spent 3 days in the hospital for pneumonia (I walked in, had no idea I had it, wasn't really at risk of dying, but still). The health issues are related to stress, I need a new job, badly. But every time I bring it up, he goes into panic mode about something stupid like reading his mail. He's the primary reason I stayed in this damn job as long as I did. I may have finally found a new gig, remote but hybrid so local too.

He's not wrong to want a plan, I just don't think there's anything I can do that will satisfy him. I'm also terrified of cognitive decline. There are some minor signs of it.

I have a lawyer who did his trust, I may eat the hour and talk to him. I also have a cousin who would help him. She's plenty capable of handling his finances if something were to happen to me but it's not fair to her to take on the burden either. Her husband is having health issues, her mother isn't a spring chicken and her father passed a year ago.

Yuck!

He asks the question then plays possum when you make suggestions. What exactly does he really want from you?

Do you have a family of your own?

How has dad survived taking care of himself or have you spent your entire life taking care of dad?

You don't want a "financial planner". That leaves Dad prey to those who make money off of whatever financial investments they make a profit off selling to others, often dreadful annuity products that shouldn't be sold to elders.
You would want a Certified Licensed Fiduciary, such as the ones appointed in any court proceeding for someone aged and no longer able to handle their own affairs but without family to take over.

Any elder law attorney will be familiar with the name of Fiduciaries serving in your area as they are the ones around when judges appoint them.

If Dad doesn't want other family members (certainly the easiest and best way) then he would have to call an elder law attorney.

You say he goes "silent" when you speak of this to him, but he worries over it (clearly not silently) when you aren't talking about it? Just tell him to let you know when he's ready to talk.

Simply put the name of an elder law attorney or fiduciaries where he can access them if anything were to happen to you. A social worker could help him at that time as well. Any services working with the blind in your area would be able to help him in emergencies as well.

As the daughter of a now deceased championship level worry wart, I’d make the appointment with an elder care attorney and take dad, with as little pre warning as possible. My dad just about made himself ill with all the worry and hand wringing over the “what ifs” and didn’t want to make a plan at the same time. But once he was forced to just go to the lawyer and see that having a plan would actually make him feel less afraid and more in control, it helped tremendously in calming him down. Well, that and some Zoloft, sure hope you can get that restarted, any hope of slipping it to him?! Wishing you the best in this, dad is blessed to have you

How old is your Dad? If he's elderly I would just find someone to be your PoA who is a generation younger than yourself and don't be concerned about your Dad's opinion on it. Who is his DPoA if something happens to you? This is an equalllyy important question. It might be good to explore the options with an elder law attorney. Or maybe a forum for visually impaired people and ask them what they would do. Unless you have been diagnosed with something life-threatening, I don't think I'd worry about it too much.

Contact Council on Aging in your area. They will tell you what services are available for people in your area who have special needs.

Or look directly at sources that help the blind in your community. Blind people do live independently in this world.

Your dad is living in fear and his anxiety is affecting how you feel. You will both be able to relax once you know what resources are available for him.

Try your best not to get caught up in your father’s anxiety so much that you mimic his behavior. This happened to me when my mother would have anxiety attacks. The doctor placed mom on Ativan and it helped to calm her. Then, I felt calmer too.

Best wishes to you and your father.