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Who are you caring for?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Are you saying he may not be happy? Are YOU happy all the time? Unhappiness is a part of life. You know that. You cannot keep it all happy all the time. For your own health you MUST have a break. The bow too tensely strung will easily break. You must take care of yourself if you even hope to continue in your care of Dad. What will happen if you die first? What then for him? Do not expect him to be happy. But know that you may be surprised that he did quite well. When a friend finally put his partner in AL and took a respite which wasn't really one as his Mom was ill in another country, he returned to a man who thought he had been on a vacation at a motel, and who had a wonderful time. So just saying, he won't like the idea, but you may be surprised by the outcome. Or not. Because that isn't really the question. The real question is how can you continue on without a break?
Akward, you don't know until you try. Who knows, your Dad may enjoy his "vacation" being around people closer to his own generation. As long as Dad understands this is just for a few days, and that he would coming home.
Imagine when you go to pick Dad [88 per your profile] up, he would be like a kid at summer camp who wants to stay longer :) And that's a good sign, maybe if Dad can budget for Independent Living [you don't say what are his medical issues, if any] or for Assisted Living, he might prefer to remain at the facility.
My Dad had moved to Independent Living and said later on he wished he would have moved into that place years earlier.
I was worried my mom wouldn't do well with respite because she gets anxious when I even leave the room, but she did really well. The caregivers dote on her, do her nails, fluff her pillows and she eats it up. Our LO need someone else to talk to once in a while. I'm sure your dad will do great.
Your stepdad is lucky to have you, but any trouble he has in respite is nothing compared to how he'll be if you die. A large number of us die before the one who is being cared for. You need the respite to survive.
I understand how you feel. What would you do if you had to have surgery, sprain your ankle and couldn't walk? Your stepdad will be ok, and you will be ok. If you always put everyone 1st, you have taught them you suppose to be 2nd. Take care of you! Blessings!
There are different types of respite care. Your step-father will very likely have problems if he's moved into a care facility and you're not available to at least visit - which is exactly what happens if you are suddenly hospitalized following an accident or illness (or end up being one of the 40% of care givers that dies prior to the person receiving care). I think it's very important to keep our LOs accustomed to someone else providing some care, even if they do not do as well with that other person. We need respite to be able to take care of ourselves and continue our care giving tasks and our LO needs to be able to accept care from others even as we remain their primary care giver.
My mother goes to adult day care 3 days a week, my brother looks after her 0-6 hours a week as his work schedule allows, and I use some additional private pay hours to attend the grands' events (mostly ballgames). Mom spent 10 days with my aunt (her younger sister) this summer while I went on a vacation with the grandnephews. Mom has spent a couple of days at a time with my aunt over the last 3+ years when I needed to travel for work and one weekend when I just needed a break.
If there's no one available within the family to provide some respite care, then I suggest you find or employ someone to care for your step-father in his current place of residence. Social workers at your local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) should help you find services for your step-father. Engage him in an adult day care if you can. Not whether he wants to go but whether you can find an affordable one that will accept him. Start looking for an affordable AL/MC for respite care and then use it. Care giving is often not sustainable without some respite.
You won't know until you place him. You are making assumptions, based on your fears, not his. Do what is best for him and you both, don't second guess your decisions in regard to him. Most adjust nicely...over a period of time, if the caretaker backs off, and allows it to happen. Take care of you!
To be totally frank, it isn't always about what Dad can handle. Some of it is about what you NEED. Don't expect everything to be perfect and happy. The end of life cannot be made perfect and it is not made happy all the time no matter WHAT is done. So take care of yourself in a way that leaves you something to give to Dad. We were discussing on another thread the relationship of cortisol and stress to possible development of dementias, cancers, and so on. Anxiety and stress are so bad for long term survival. Don't expect happy. Don't ask for happy. There are somethings not worthy of happy. Surviving without you for a week or so will be but one of those. Your Dad lived a long time; I will be willing to bet he is familiar with unhappiness, and has survived more than one bout of it.
I don’t know his situation but it’s nit fair to you as it is. He may hate respite , if he has dementia he may not adjust but there comes a time when family can not provide adequate care. In the olden days people got sick and died. Now with treatment they can live on and on but not without a cost. Often the caregiver pays the cost with their own mental, emotional and physical health. It becomes a never ending cycle. I think of this with my mother, she has vascular dementia, a fib, is going blind, is mean as can be, rants screams, is full of anger and hate. She claims to hate her life which makes me wonder why are we even doing all this?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Do not expect him to be happy. But know that you may be surprised that he did quite well. When a friend finally put his partner in AL and took a respite which wasn't really one as his Mom was ill in another country, he returned to a man who thought he had been on a vacation at a motel, and who had a wonderful time. So just saying, he won't like the idea, but you may be surprised by the outcome. Or not. Because that isn't really the question. The real question is how can you continue on without a break?
Imagine when you go to pick Dad [88 per your profile] up, he would be like a kid at summer camp who wants to stay longer :) And that's a good sign, maybe if Dad can budget for Independent Living [you don't say what are his medical issues, if any] or for Assisted Living, he might prefer to remain at the facility.
My Dad had moved to Independent Living and said later on he wished he would have moved into that place years earlier.
My mother goes to adult day care 3 days a week, my brother looks after her 0-6 hours a week as his work schedule allows, and I use some additional private pay hours to attend the grands' events (mostly ballgames). Mom spent 10 days with my aunt (her younger sister) this summer while I went on a vacation with the grandnephews. Mom has spent a couple of days at a time with my aunt over the last 3+ years when I needed to travel for work and one weekend when I just needed a break.
If there's no one available within the family to provide some respite care, then I suggest you find or employ someone to care for your step-father in his current place of residence. Social workers at your local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) should help you find services for your step-father. Engage him in an adult day care if you can. Not whether he wants to go but whether you can find an affordable one that will accept him. Start looking for an affordable AL/MC for respite care and then use it. Care giving is often not sustainable without some respite.
If you die of a stress-related illness, where will he live then? Will he have an advocate?
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