Executor's fee? Do you feel like it's fair?

Absolutely! It's legal. Take every cent. You deserve it.

By all means take it! After all you surely earned it.

I am the guardian of property for my father, who has dementia. I put in , as you did, 80% of the work for him over the past 8 uears, remodeled his house and sold it, dug him out of his hoarding of papers from over 30 years, got him into independent living. I paid the price with my health.
I intend, as a guardian to charge a fee for some reimbursement of my time since we (sibs and I) were appointed guardians. My siblings do not want to take any payment.

Different people see it differently, but you know what you and your husband have done, what it has cost you, and for how long. I think that , from your description, you are more than owed the repayment for time, labor, etc. Your siblings owe you thanks for preserving their inheritance, not criticism. You will have to guage the cost/benefit of taking the payment and dealing with any repercussions from them, of course. But in mt opinion, you spared them a lot of stress and did them a service. Take what is owed you!

You should definitely take an Executor’s fee which might vary by state. (The way I understand it an attorney can take 10% in the state of Florida for his/her Executor’s fee.)

As you explained, it’s not just the division of the possessions of the deceased it’s everything else you took care of for those parent(s) during their last years. That in itself can be all consuming of a caregiver like yourselves because you make many, many sacrifices which the uninvolved don’t consider or care to take into account.

Personally, I think that when there isn’t much money in the estate with which to pay you the siblings and their spouses should pay you themselves. However, I realize that this way of thinking is probably unrealistic because in life there are those who give and those who use/take. A user/taker is not going to be willing to give to a giver. It’s very sad.

I wish you the best. As for my situation, I did care for my parents for over seven (7) years and was greatly taken advantage of by three (3) of my siblings and their spouses after the death of the second parent. I didn’t get paid for anything because they sued me for reasons “without merit” but to change what our parents’ wishes were through their Wills. They won in a mediation and “screwed” my twin sister and me who were the Co Trustees for over twenty (20) years. I was told by my attorney that this happens all the time. What a shame and what some people won’t do for money. I wish you the best.

While I can understand the issue of not being compensated for all the work you did for mom while she was alive, for the purposes of the will and execution of it, I highly recommend dropping the compensation topic when dealing with the remaining family members. The two are mutually exclusive. Burden on you? Yes. But the executor's fee is for handling of the estate, not compensating anyone for time/expenses incurred while the person was living.

IF you present it this way and leave out any work/care done prior to her death, the argument falls to state law. IF they maintain you got paid for care/work done, provide proof that you did NOT get paid AND point to the law again, which provides for executor fees. Also, even if you were paid, it isn't relevant to the fee discussion. If they plan to contest it, you have any state law behind you and they will lose MORE by doing this. EX: IF estate is 100k, 3 people get about 33+k. IF exec fee is 5% , each gets about 31+k (with exec getting 5k fee.) 200k? Fee=10k, w/out fee 66.666k each, with fee 63.333k each. Looking at it another way: 5k/10k fee when split 3 ways means each "loses" 1,666/3,333. It would cost much more to dispute it!

Our mom is still alive. Who did/does the most work, before we moved her to MC, after the move, prepping the condo (over a year and a half, 1.5 hours each way, clear out, clean up and arrange repairs) for sale? Me. One brother told me I should pay myself. I said no. Attorney said even though the trust didn't specify I could get paid, neither did it say I could not. I did take the $2k held back before closing for one issue, with somewhat reluctant agreement from the other brother who was at closing. More recently I occasionally use her debit card to pay for my gas, but not often. The prep/selling/resultant issues after-the-fact for selling a life estate was very time-consuming, costly and aggravating, but again I took nothing for that. Who does the most running around for her non-hands-on care now? Me. Who manages all the finances, taxes, medical/dental issues, etc? Me. Do I get compensated? No (excluding the occasional payment for gas, which doesn't cover any of the time I spend doing all this!)

That said, you need to separate out the before and after death expenses when dealing with family/estate. Most, if not all, states have an executor fee law and in any case, unless the executor really doesn't want/need it, it should be used. THIS can be looked up and provided to those disputing it. This would "cover" the running around/time dealing with after death issues (leave your effort out of the discussion too.)

Generic explanation:
https://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/wills-trusts/payment-serving-executor.html

You would have to check your own state laws, but the above can help explain it to them.

My mother's cousin named her sister as executor. One lived in the NE, the other in FL. Both were upper 80s and sister was not well and caring for hubby with dementia. Once they sold the home, sister had issues with attorney, but wasn't local to deal with him. She asked my mother and I for help, but I told her we couldn't do much without being named POA. She passed a year and a day later, leaving everything up in the air. I did manage to make contact (rare!) with the attorney, and after pulling teeth found that I was the back up. It still took TWO years to complete everything (not a huge estate, BUT sister didn't trust attorney and took most of the money! It was a mess.) I changed attorneys and spent a lot of time and effort tracking everything down. MY attorney told me to take X amount as a fee, which I did. Had I not been able to track down assets, I could not have honored the stipulations in the will. Thankfully one CD matured AFTER the funds were withdrawn from the estate account (sister had indicated to roll the result into the regular account, so she missed it!!!)

Focus on the law and what it provides for guidance on executor fee.

Depends what else has been left to siblings and others. If it is an even split then it is up to you whether you are willing to go along with any potential family hassle. I think it also depends whether the conversion you made for parental living has added value to your property. This is a conversation we have every few months with my mother as she thinks her converted bit has added value way equal to cost of doing it whereas actual conversion may have added a little but has restricted sale market, so not a benefit to us. Fortunately my brother is totally of the opinion that the cost has kept her independent (ish) for a number of years and the money spent doesn't form part of her estate - however it is something you should consider when thinking of taking executor fees. Personally I wouldn't but its a personal choice.

What ever you did for them living is on you, if they did not put it in the will.  However, you are entitle to executor fee and should get it for handling all the final dealing with their access.

When my grandfather died he left his house and farm to my Dad and his two sisters as tenants in common. Besides the farm there was a relatively small amount of cash and a car. One aunt, the more responsible of the two sisters, was the executor and my mother complained bitterly about it and also complained about her taking an executors fee. Mom thinks that the executor should have been Dad, but truth be told, grandpa probably chose the aunt because of her.

Fast forward 40 or so years... my husband's father lived with us for 14 months before he went into the hospital then hospice and passed away. Before that for several years my husband had been going over to his Dad's house multiple times a week to help him. He was also the one who got him to go to the ER when he got into trouble with congestive heart failure - not an easy task. And he was the boots on the ground person taking care of his Dad's dogs when he was hospitalized. His sister, who lives 5 hrs away, was trustee during their Dad's life and executor after he died. I'm sure that it was not a trivial responsibility, but she made it very clear that she thought she was doing the lions share of the work.

I could go on. When there's money to be had, or work to do, people show their true colors.

Thanks to everyone for you answers and your support. My husband did take some of the executor's fee and his siblings have dealt with it.

I was able to find a new(er) car for me this weekend - a nicer one than we would have gotten without that extra money!

Thanks again for your support :)

Yes he is entitled to the Executors fee. I think I read somewhere that the fee is 5% of the estate but I could be wrong.

It takes a lot of time to take care of someone’s estate wishes. Dealing with banks take time. I have been to the same bank 4 times in the past 2 weeks to gain access to my late brother’s checking account which I closed a week after he died. And, seriously, in this Bank one gets a different answer to the same question from different departments. And I am still waiting; I was there for 1.5 hrs yesterday. Ridiculous. It’s not a lot of money but unless they put it in an interest bearing account while they make me play the waiting game they need to comply with the law.

So YES your husband deserves and should take what is entitled to him as Executor. The sisters will have to deal with it.

Boy, money changes everything!