Can I expect my 87-year-old mother-in-law to help with chores around the house?

I prefer my Mom not to help. It's more work for me to 'fix' what she does later ... after she goes to bed. But I know some need to feel useful so little chores like folding towels and feeding the pets are what I ask her to do.

just give them something to do when you are doing something else just keep them busy,till they go to bed .i feel they need keep them self busy ,that way they feel like they are helping out and thats good if they can help.god bless

i think all people should have some kind of chores to do in the ones cant walk ,that way it will keep theire mine going,if they are doing something,just haveing a child around.

ANYTHING you can find to do that will make her start feeling useful would be great. Stringing beans, drying dishes, folding clothes, wrapping silverware, planning a meal, anything, it will definitely help your Mother in Law to get back into the swing of things. My Mom will stuff envelopes for me for work, she will fold things, she will help my sister make candy bags for the kids parties or school events. She can staple raffle tickets, at Christmas she helped me wrap gifts and even sat with me to make cookies too. Everything helps. Remember not to show frustration if things are not done the way you want them to be, just appreciate her presence and willingness to help. Blessings to you.

She should do what she can reasonably do, provided she has the physical stamina and mental alertness needed to be helpful to you. She would probably be happy to feel useful. Just make sure that what you ask her to do is well within her abilities to complete without the need for major oversight on your part.

It all depends on what she wants to do. I hope I have that luxury when I'm 87. As my 94 yr. old mom says, I'm not doing or eating anything I don't want to. Luckily, she has a fabulous personal assistant that does all the things Mom doesn't want to do and fixes her food Mom really likes.
She is also the editor of many of Mom's books she is spitting out each year.

Anyone remember the ad that had a frustrated middle aged lady saying "Mom, I'd rather do it myself?"
You rock girl!

ABSOLUTLY NOT

A chiropractor told my MIL that when a long term spouse dies the remaining spouse usually on lives 18 months. When she was 87 she told my husband the she only had 30 more days. At that point I told her she was going to work. We took her to our office 3 mornings a week and put brochure packets together for us. She was so proud and bragged to all her friends that she was working in her son's business. She lived for another 18 months. I thought after Pop died that she would enjoy her free time but she didn't have a purpose. Find anything helpful that she can help with and let her know how much her contributions mean to you and how needed she is.

ALWAYS ask your loved one if they can help you with "this or that." Every caregiver needs to know what has interested their loved ones in the past! My 92 year old dad liked MONEY, junk, hoarding, music, movies, etc. So, we take him to garage sales every weekend and let him choose "whatever" he wants to "buy." If it is junk to YOU, it is a TREASURE to your loved one and will keep him or her happy. Before my mama passed away over a year ago, she liked flowers: So, my entire house consisted of floral decor. Dad likes folders, zipper day planners, battery operated money counters, etc., and he is happier than a pig in sh--! And, if a loved one always had a great sense of humor, do NOT think that they LOST it because of dementia or a stroke!!! Dad is able to make my husband and me laugh (despite all the care-giving) everyday. For example, this a.m., dad heard me state that, "Giving him a half of a multi-vitamin was, "Better than nothing," so he replied with, "Well, daughter, I suppose that YOU are better than NOTHING!" (And, when he laughed, and made that statement, it tickled me to death and made my day!)

No you should not. Let her spend her time the way she wants to spend it. You should not expect her to do any chores. But don't leave her out either, if she asks if she could help do anything, by all means let her, something lite and easy for her to do, just enough to keep her mind sharp and gives her a sense of satisfaction.

Your mil and my mom are about the same age. They grew up working. My mom lives with me and every day ask what can I do to help. She helps me make the beds every morning. She has some task that she does every day and it makes her feelshe is helping me. She emptys the dishwasher(although sometimes it is hard to find things) but she feels useful. She helps me fold laundry she likes to vaccum. They need to feel useful so let her help around th house. Mom kept her own house for over 60 years so naturally they want something to do. Your mil needs somethig to do tohelp keep her busy and feel she is helping and not a burden to you.

Connzie, you are so right on. My MIL felt like a burden too, even tho we never gave her reason to, but she had worked all her life. Purpose is our reason for living and doing light chores helps her to not only have a purpose but keeps her from just sitting around all day getting stiff. The thing to keep in mind is what she can safely do and not to overdo it.

It can be difficult to leave your home behind. When you move in with relatives, the decorating style is theirs, the belongings are theirs, the daily routine and schedule are theirs. You can feel like a "visitor" for a long time even when everyone is sharing freely. Your MIL needs a place to start. Her own room is the obvious one. She can make this her own and simple chores like dusting or folding her clothes can give her a sense of ownership, if she is up to it. My mom suffers from depression, so some days chores are out altogether. Other times I can motivate her just by working around her. "Oh," she'll say, "let me dust that," or "I'll fold those." I will also say, "Mom can you help me with that recipe you know?" since she has mobility issues, I do most of the work, but she contributes when she can. The idea is to help her gain and hang on to, as much independence as possible. This helps her not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. It may take some time for your MIL. Her loss may have her feeling she has no one to do for. Don't make demands of her, just lots of encouragement.

Expect? No. If she wants to do something that is within her ability, allow her to. Encourage her to do what she can, when she can, as best as she can. At 87 I am sure she has limitations, but the need to feel useful is one we should encourage. Don't criticize if the job is not done to your expectations. If she tried her best, that is all that you can expect. Just make sure she is safe performing whatever task she wants. I don't believe she should be climbing ladders or other such tasks, but folding laundry, cleaning out or rearranging sock drawers would be fine. Little things to keep her occupied and feeling useful are important. Keep the tasks simple and short term to avoid any frustration on her part.

I would INVITE her in order to make her feel useful but not EXPECT her at 87 years of age comeon would you do this to your mother?I noticed you said Mother in law

Do you ASK your mom to help? What kind of chores are you referring to? If it's your mom's nature to help, I am sure she would want to do something to feel useful and have a sense of 'belonging' in her new living situation.

You can EXPECT her to do anything you want. What you will GET is entirely another animal. You can EXPECT to win the lottery. Will you? I have no idea. Good luck.

Since this question was asked in 2011, I can assume we have commented on it far too long...

Sometimes people use the search feature to look up discussions that relate to what is on their minds, I assume that is why recent comments come up.

Let her try what she thinks she can do unless it can directly impact the safety of others. My 92 year old relative still drives - and drives just about as safe as anyone else on the road - and still is active full time with the church, and has full time volunteer responsibilities.

Age is a number only. Depends on her health.

Although I thought that it was good to have my elderly Mom remain active through household chores, I did hire a home care worker.

My 87 year old mother moved in with me & my husband last year. She loves to garden so I let her buy plants & water when she feels like it. She also does put the dishes in the dishwater & I just rearrange them & put it on. She takes them out. We have had a few incidents but its going ok so far. I do all the cooking, driving but take her shopping & she does keep her bedroom & bathroom tidy. She feels needed by doing things around the house so if she can do some things then see if she can without causing too many problems.

Only have her help with chores that make her feel like she is helping. I have my 92 year old dad organize his room, have him go outside and get the newspaper, the mail, and anything else that he is capable of doing. Then, I thank him very much for helping me for everything thing that he does,so that he feels like he is welcome in my house and not a burden.

Absolutely. Helping with chores gives someone value and a feeling of worth. Of course, the tasks need to be reasonable like folding laundry, setting the table, retrieving the mail, preparing lunch, etc.

Let Her do what She can while She can the day will come She won't be able,My Mom don't do anything I know She can just want.

First let her know she is welcome and loved. When she feels secure in her environment she will feel like she can contribute. Provided of course that she is physically and emotionally able. Most of all, love her, while you can, let chores, and other things come second, forgive her for her inconsistencies, and realize that it is hard to have someone live with you. For her as well as you. Someday you will be old. Treat her as you would like to be treated someday. Hopefully, with compassion and love.

at 87 just pretending to give a damn would be an overwhelming chore imo..

My mom is always cold, be it winter or summer(ac) and she loves it when she sits on the couch and I dump a warm load of freshly washed towels and wash clothes for her to fold. Sometimes I even put clean ones in the drier for a few minutes, just to give her something she likes to do.
She is in a wheel chair, so there isn't much else she can do. She can Iron small things, but I do stay close due to the burn factor.
She makes her own bed, most days...it helps her to feel a little independent and useful.
She actually loves it if I am sick. She cant cook for me or anything, but she gets to tell me to drink fluids, and rest and to take my meds. I'm thinking I should start faking that a little more often...just for the rest!

in summary:
snapping green beens and folding laundry. i aint doin either thank you. ill be in the garage playing with the oxy / acetelyne torches if you need me, and you will. now predial 9-1 and stand by.. suckers !!
( im going to be such a b***c..)