Explaining to my father where he is and why. How do I tell him?

I rarely react positively when someone chooses to enlighten me on an unpleasant subject by being “blunt”.

Then again, “blunt” can certainly mean different things to different people.

If he has memory issues severe enough to warrant residential care, is there an advantage to him in telling him he’s there for the duration, and will never leave? My LO’s other POA did that several days after she was placed, for her own safety, in a pleasant MC in very well run local AL.

According to reports (I wasn’t present, and wouldn’t have permitted the conversation to continue if I had been), my LO was significantly distressed, and cried after the statement was made.

By the time I saw her, the comment had seemingly disappeared. Was there a good reason to make her cry? Was there any benefit to have conveyed the knowledge? Did it most likely bother me for the long haul more than it bothered her? Sure did!

She worked like a pack mule her whole life, took care of her mother, who had dementia, for 10 years, was a good friend and ally, cherished her family, only to wind up losing her home, where she’d been born, to spend the rest of her life in a strange place?

Would you prefer “I don’t really know how long you’ll be there Dad. How’s the food (view, television, crowd, weather)”? OR- “You’ll be there until you die, Dad. We sold your house to pay for your room and board”.

You may try to overcome short term memory issues by writing a letter/note telling him where he is, why he's there, and that he can only leave when the doctor agrees he is able to take care of himself.

"You can go home as soon as the doctors say you can." No, this will never happen. But he doesn't need to know that.

Same here with my MIL first not understanding why she was in AL (short-term memory so bad she forgot to eat every day) and now asks same question still in LTC. We tell her the same that Barb suggested: "until you can take care of yourself by standing and walking the doc says you need to stay here". Then she will sometimes insist she can do those things and when we say great! Can you show us right now? Then of course she can't and the conversation moves to something else. At least he won't be mad at you, but some mysterious doctor instead. May you have peace in your heart as you help your father along this journey.

I agree with barb about the short term memory issue. Nothing is going to stick. My mom ended up in ALF after a bad fall. I had to keep telling her it was just until she got better. That worked to a point. I also had to constantly go through the events with her, a fall, hospital etc. I was long distance also. I made the drive every few weeks.

If his short term memory is that bad, being blunt is something you will need to do over and over and over and over again.

I found that it was easier to tell my mom " until then doctor says...." or "you've had a stroke, you need to be here right now" (that came as a surprise to her every single time I told her.)

Nothing is going to "stick" so say what you feel okay saying and that doesnt upset him too much.